1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

35 and Older Accountability Group

Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by artifact, Nov 24, 2018.

  1. GottaBFree

    GottaBFree Fapstronaut

    Reading the smoking book. This passage rang true to me. It made me realize the "crutches" of using P to deal with stress, etc did not start as crutches. I knew it wasn't good in the long run but it shows how it's not a crutch at any level. The brain just sees it as an opportunity to get another hit.


    "...in this cycle as you crossed the ‘red line’ you also trigger emotions such as guilt, disgust, embarrassment, anxiety and fear - which in turn raise dopamine levels as well. Now the brain may mistakenly associate feelings of anxiety and fear as sexual arousal."
     
    JJ_Kino likes this.
  2. Just keep telling yourself how much you hate it and you want a life free of this stuff. Turn P into a monster that you absolutely loathe
     
  3. Checking in....almost at 50 days. Plenty of stress recently but not going back to porn to deal with it which is definite progress!! I juts keep reminding myself of how much I loathe the stuff, working for now
     
    daryl_zero, artifact, JJ_Kino and 2 others like this.
  4. GottaBFree

    GottaBFree Fapstronaut

    Building on the last post, I am beginning to see a pattern in when Im doing better at stopping PM and when I'm struggling.

    Worrying about emotional reasons, or entertaining blaming others or circumstances equals crappy times for me.

    Concentrating on denying the validity of anything but brain mechanics = better success for me.

    I think lie to myself about "why" and try to make it unique and special too much. I am beginning to crystalize on the notion I've touched on before - it's just brain chemistry and addiction behavior. Nothing more.

    The good news if this is true:
    -We aren't alone.
    -Long term recovery is possible if I recognize the beast that I fight.
    -PM isn't alluring if you can see through the lie. It's not good and never worth it.
    .
    The bad news if my view is true:
    -I think it will take dedication to defeating self lies
    -I think it will take 3 years of being extra vigilant (not a "90 day reboot").

    This more belongs in a journal. I'm out of the habbit of posting there but I'll get back at it.
     
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2021
    Rebooter13, Ik2, artifact and 2 others like this.
  5. lowkeysonly

    lowkeysonly Fapstronaut

    @GottaBFree Great thought and actually happy you posted this here, I like to see posts here that go a little bit beyond just checking in, and here maybe more folks read it than in a journal. Emotional worrying is a huge trigger for me as well. Are you saying something in the lines of "trust the process" and "don't overthink" or what do you mean by "Concentrating on denying the validity of anything but brain mechanics"?
     
    artifact, JJ_Kino and GottaBFree like this.
  6. jaberwaki

    jaberwaki Fapstronaut

    Checking in. Got up early, did yoga, went for a mountain bike ride, and have been keeping my head down and doing good work. Looking forward to some structured downtime this evening
     
    artifact, JJ_Kino and GottaBFree like this.
  7. GottaBFree

    GottaBFree Fapstronaut

    I have had an epiphany. My journal started with and me finding a video that starter me on this path, but I fully believe it now.

    I believe 110% that the emotional condition might need to be worked through and a new way of processing it and dealing with it may be helpful.

    But I also believe when it comes to PM, it's also 110% a smoke screen that has nothing to do with PM. It's a false association. Nothing more.

    --- longer version--- I would relapse take it apart and in the end Id discover that I was lying to myself. One stupid trigger at a time. Most now have no power over me.

    Now this is the easy button version of that. They are all based on lies to myself and it's like finding who the great and powerful Oz really is. Also, this addiction is 100% beatable and it's easy once you truly see behind the curtain.

    Time will tell if I need to look behind the curtain a few more times or not, but this isnt complicated and it doesn't need to be a gut wrenching process. It's a simple case of strange associations my brain makes to a dopamine release, and none of the associations are real.
     
    lowkeysonly, artifact and JJ_Kino like this.
  8. JJ_Kino

    JJ_Kino Fapstronaut

    527
    1,315
    123
    I failed again.

    I was happy tonight I watched my football team win 6-0 away and I started drinking, only takes a few beers and I become horny af.

    Keep strong and motivated everyone.

    Back to the drawing board for me I'm afraid :/

    /Reset to 0
     
  9. GottaBFree

    GottaBFree Fapstronaut

    Youve got this

    Posting right after relapse is a great sign
     
  10. JJ_Kino

    JJ_Kino Fapstronaut

    527
    1,315
    123
    Thank you bro
     
  11. GottaBFree

    GottaBFree Fapstronaut

    It's funny. I am so passionate about leaving PM behind some days, and I struggle to care on others. The other day I had all the answers. I've spent today trying to rember and apply them.

    I do not do psubs or anything. If I do seek them out I'm basically 95% sure going reset within 24 hours. I don't mind. I want to change all the way.

    But the next few days I know I'll be challenged by basic motivation.
     
    Juxtaposition and JJ_Kino like this.
  12. Jerky

    Jerky Fapstronaut

    I meant to reset my counter from my last post.
     
    ctr, artifact, JJ_Kino and 2 others like this.
  13. GottaBFree

    GottaBFree Fapstronaut

    You are good.

    Glad to see you and follow your progress.
     
    artifact, JJ_Kino and NICEDUDE like this.
  14. GottaBFree

    GottaBFree Fapstronaut

    This a good example to me. I felt blah and I knew I could potentially stay up all night doing nothing... But that is my addict brain hoping to create a situation where I might PM. I get nothing out of doing that but somethings it leads to PM. I posted that and went to bed and I'm so glad I'm rested and another day PM free.

    I was just thinking about how what ever emotion was leading to PM because I needed a "crutch" happens. When I no longer stress and fap, it goes away. It's really disgusting and pissed me off how pervasive this is to my existence. I'm pissed for believing all the the lies. For a while I got pissed at my wife as a trigger and it kept happening. I know she could feel the anger and it wasn't her fault. Just wanted a fix and created a situation to get it. When I stopped fapping to that emotion, it went away and doesn't ever come back in the same way.

    I don't want to feed this parasite any more of my life. I just stinking hope I don't forget what the man behind the curtain looks like (wizard of Oz referenc). When I see it for what it is and realize I don't seek pleasure, I seek to avoid withdrawal pains it ruins any desire to PM. I am terrified of weakening this powerful defense.
     
    artifact, JJ_Kino and NICEDUDE like this.
  15. GottaBFree

    GottaBFree Fapstronaut

    But you're not giving up my man. That's an important win we don't give ourselves enough credit for. You're posting and thinking about recovery.

    I am coming out of months of that and I wanted to quit so bad but I knew that would mean I never win, but it got ugly and tough.
     
    ctr, artifact, JJ_Kino and 2 others like this.
  16. jaberwaki

    jaberwaki Fapstronaut

    Morning gentlemen. Checking in on day 98. A reminder to everyone here struggling that the first two weeks are the hardest, where you will fall down the most, and where the emotions of defeat, shame, and loss are at their strongest. Just keep getting up. You will break the cycle and find clear air again. Be well!
     
  17. Ik2

    Ik2 Fapstronaut

    108
    343
    63
    Feels like I am on the cusp of relapse. Totally standing at the edge of the ravine here. Brain convincing me to go ahead and jump. I know it will end in pain and regret, so why does it still seem so attractive?

    Coming here to reaffirm my commitment. Am going to step away from my computer and phone for the time being. Will go do other things on my list, workout, stretch, yard work. Taking care of myself is currently more important than work productivity.
     
  18. lowkeysonly

    lowkeysonly Fapstronaut

    Tonight I'll be one week free from porn!
     
    Rebooter13, artifact and ctr like this.
  19. JJ_Kino

    JJ_Kino Fapstronaut

    527
    1,315
    123
    /reset
     
    ctr likes this.
  20. jaberwaki

    jaberwaki Fapstronaut

    Day 100! Feeling good about hitting this number. I'm going to be less concerned about the days from here on out; I'll celebrate again at 6 months and then at a year, but for now it's just about continuing to stay vigilant about what I allow my mind to dwell on, my eyes to rest on, and my life to center on.
    One of the things I'm most grateful for with being PMO free has been being able to sit with the difficult emotions, the challenging moments. Learning to stay present in them, rather than to shut down and escape to PMO, has made my life so much better, and so much deeper.
    Stay strong everyone. @JJ_Kino, just get back up brother! We're here for you.
     
    Ik2, daryl_zero, JJ_Kino and 3 others like this.

Share This Page