The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 239 I'm getting somewhere.

 

1 day. Got my first dose of the vaccine today. Feels really good to have that done. All is well. Said no to some very strong urges last night, probably the strongest ones yet. Every time I do that I create new pathways. A real victory I will get through this one day at a time with some work on myself and grace from God.

 

Day 136. Feeling really mellow and possitive. Looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend.

 

Checking in Day 7

 

Day 3

Today I have: gotten up early, cold showered, walked, prayed, meditated, gone on a couple walks, done duolingo, done some writing, done some grading, eaten lunch. Tonight I'm going to lift weights and go to bed before 11:30 at the very latest.

 

Day 3,

Never, never, never give up.

This last slip caused me to want to throw in the towel. This is not the first time that I have wanted to give up on NoFap all together, however, I recognize that after those slips my greatest accomplishment is getting my head back in the game.

If life knocks you down find the strength in you to stand back up.

Best to you all Fellowship and stay safe this weekend!

 

Have a great weekend ring-bearers!

 

I should. I guess I called it edging because someone else called it that. To me, I don't go to the edge per se. But when I told someone I unconsciously touched myself, they said it was edging, so I defined it as such here. As I stated previously I believe, I get painful erections from damage I did earlier in my life (from frequent masturbation). When I have an erection more than a few minutes, it hurts, so I massage to reduce the pain. I consider that to lead to actual intentional masturbation, and it has become an unconscious thing that I do, so I stop the moment I realize I am doing it. With that said, someone said it was edging, hence why I called it that. In fact, it very rarely goes to the "edge" unless I am completely out of it, and at that point, if I do not recognize what I am doing immediately, it is a reset. I was in a kind of haze all day Monday, so there were a couple times I caught myself starting to edge and I stopped. Then that night, I was on the toilet and I was super triggered and just the simplest of touches (to wipe), sent me overboard. I consider the unconscious touching of myself to be dangerous territory, but not masturbation, because then I would never put together more than a few days streak, because I would keep unconsciously doing that and having to reset. I had reset my counter, but a lot of people dissuaded me from doing that so I put it back. Honestly, would I have been put off if I had to reset, yes, but at this point, if it is preferred, I can reset to day 4. I just have to go with certain definitions of reset and relapse, so that I am not constantly failing due to things I am doing that I am not aware of. Yes, would it be problematic if I unconsciously went to orgasm, of course, and obviously, if I become aware of it, and I continue to do it, then it is problematic, but Monday was a shitty day, and I was already to give up, but support from this website and elsewhere told me not to give up, so I did not. Now I am operating on the idea of being day 16 and lessons learned instead of day 4 and feeling like a complete failure. I don't know. Maybe it would be worth resetting to day 4 just to be on the same terms as everyone else.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

Day 4 - Orc

I am going to reset to day 4 with Monday consider as a reset. That way I am on the same page as everyone else.

 

278 days

 

Day 1 completed!
It was kinda easy, though, but I'm sure it will get hard in a near time. I'm preparing my mind to be ready to resist it when this time arrives.
Studied a lot today, it's incredible how I can manage to do my stuff when I don't have PMO fogging my brain. There is one of my biggest motivations, getting my mind back where it was before PMO.
Just the firsts steps of the journey, I know it, but I'm glad I found courage to start it.

 

Day 1 complete! Still on my knees, but I'm rising back up. The urges from the chaser to give in yet again were strong but I was especially strict with myself today. The weather was terrible but I still had the chance to go get dinner at a locally famous chicken place with some of the guys. Took a cold shower tonight. Feeling ready to face this again. Thank you all.

St. Sisoes, pray for us!

 

Day 2, started today off well by showering then taking 15 minutes outside in the early morning sun to revise. I find that even if it's something small like that starting my day off well has a big effect!

I agree! The gollum analogy is pretty apt, it starts off promising comfort but in the end all it wants is it's precious back. I don't think I'm strong enough to use my gollum for good yet, so it's better to just avoid him entirely

 

Day 13.

 

Day 6. Uruk-Hai soon!

 

Day 26 check-in (Attempt 4) - The Watchtower of Amon Sûl

 

Here I come! Eww, well, at least I'm not going to be an Orc anymore.