Near 120 days but really struggling with life and finding happiness

brassknucks · Apr 30, 2021

You’ll never find true happiness or joy because God made man to find that satisfaction only in Him. Everything else is chasing the wind and a house built on shaky sand.

Mateus long · Apr 30, 2021

brassknucks said: ↑

You’ll never find true happiness or joy because God made man to find that satisfaction only in Him. Everything else is chasing the wind and a house built on shaky sand.
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So do you think you can find true happiness only through God then?

brassknucks · Apr 30, 2021

Mateus long said: ↑

So do you think you can find true happiness only through God then?
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Yes I do, true satisfaction type Happiness, not fleeting/superficial worldly type happiness. We were created for that.

Factpet · Apr 30, 2021

Stop looking for happiness, look for meaning like the great Jordan Peterson says.
"A clear conscious is better than happiness"
Watch his lectures, and listen to podcasts from Tom Baliyue. I cannot explain it better than they can, so just listen and find your passion man.

Mateus long · Apr 30, 2021

Factpet said: ↑

Stop looking for happiness, look for meaning like the great Jordan Peterson says.
"A clear conscious is better than happiness"
Watch his lectures, and listen to podcasts from Tom Baliyue. I cannot explain it better than they can, so just listen and find your passion man.
Click to expand...

Thanks for this mate, that's a great point actually and different to what we are taught. I will give these a watch.

Mateus long · Apr 30, 2021

Thanks everyone for all the responses, it is really nice to know that people out there care and I appreciate all the comments. Good luck on all your journeys!!

Philippian4:13 · Apr 30, 2021

luckydog said: ↑

A few thoughts on this @Mateus long - while I'm something of an expert at PMO (been at it for over 4 decades, this porn-free thing for a month, what a contrast) I've thought a lot about recovery and have read a bit about sex addiction (had negotiated with pornography over all that time, never acknowledged it was an addiction until only a month ago, see my journal for all the gory details) and its connection to my emotions (including feelings of unhappiness).

Us men here on NoFap have

a biological problem (could be PIED, DE, PAWS along with all the messed up hormones / dopamine - all the YBOP materials),

a psychological problem (early on feelings of fear, loneliness, boredom, tiredness, frustration, even celebration could be self-met with porn and masturbation; potential trauma of all kinds could be associated with those feelings and PMO),

a technical problem (pornography is now frictionless, whereas before I had to buy or steal a magazine of photos from a store, now infinite variety, limitless supply and often-free videos and photos are in my pocket),

a societal problem ("if you pay for sex, that can land you in jail, if you watch strangers being paid for sex, that is a $B business"),

(There are more for sure but I'll focus on the first two.)
Going porn- and masturbation-free means the biological problem often will go away on its own; for some it may take a lot longer than others, but so many stories here of genuine restoration of 'normal function', and I can attest to my biological problem having a lot of healing in less than a month.

The psychological one, though, wow that's a difficult one. Here are some notes I've made from Patrick Carne's Out of the Shadows.

There are four core beliefs of the addict (chapter on "The Family and the Addict's World", pp.69 - 72

1. I am basically a bad, unworthy person. (self-image)
2. No one would love me as I am. (relationships)
3. My needs will never be met if I depend on another person. (needs)
4. Sex is my most important need. (sexuality)

(from chapter on "The Twelve Steps to Recovery p.138)

Recovering persons who use the Twelve Steps can say to themselves:
1. I am a worthwhile person deserving of pride.
2. I am loved and accepted by people who know me as I am.
3. My needs can be met by others if I let them know what I need.
4. Sex is but one expression of my need and care for others.

Thus when you ask about happiness, well it is so true that our happiness is directly related to our relationships to others, as well as how we intrinsically feel about ourselves. Porn was tied into my feelings, feelings that go deep down were valid emotional needs. My own exposure to nudity goes back to when I was about 7 or 8 years old, pornography about 11 years old; soon masturbation was to follow connected with my feelings of inadequacy, of loneliness, of frustration, and of boredom. Others have other experiences and associations - and for decades I medicated these feelings by myself. (#3 above, I met my needs depending on me alone.)

Thus both Carnes and Weiss put the 12-step program squarely in the center of their prescriptions for recovering from sexual addiction, of which pornography is a subset.

Yesterday I received my copy of the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book, and the Sex Addicts Anonymous Green Book is on order. Having finished Weiss' excellent The Final Freedom last night, I look forward to digging into 12-steps. Yesterday I also participated in my first Porn Addicts Anonymous group, there was structure and openness and I learned a lot; will be participating in several more this week.

OP your feelings of unhappiness are telling you something, and it has taken these many weeks of being pornography-free for those feelings to surface. Thus it is time to change - whether your behavior, your attitude, your mindset, a relationship (or several) - as for what needs to change, well that is for you to discover. I congratulate you sincerely for getting to this point - many men never get to it, choosing to bury the feeling in their addiction of choice, our addiction was porn and all of that sexual self-pleasure - and now you have an opportunity to grow.

The choice is up to you.
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Love this! Porn is not the problem, but only a symptom of a greater problem in your life. Couldn't have put this better.

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Near 120 days but really struggling with life and finding happiness

brassknucks Fapstronaut

Mateus long Fapstronaut

brassknucks Fapstronaut

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