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The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by RiseToGreatness, Sep 22, 2019.

Page 746 of 1918

May 9, 2021 #14901

LuckyMan Fapstronaut

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Fell again. I am going through a tough time right now.

LuckyMan, May 9, 2021

LuckyMan, May 9, 2021

#14901

rotten_tomato, Toni7, HE^MAN and 6 others like this.
May 9, 2021 #14902

eagle rising Fapstronaut

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My Journal

Slider8 said: ↑

Those were my thoughts before the last relapse. It takes quite some time to set yourself in this way, meanwhile for shorter periods when you are able to concentrate on this thought you can see things for what they are and especially for what porn is-pixels on the screen.
The problem is when your concentration on the new way of thinking lapses you tend to return to your old reactions to the stimuli.

Click to expand...

Thanks for your response, and I get every word of it. It rings true for me as well. I absolutely still get reactions to "stimuli" (it's so unfortunate that I must use that word). It pains me on one level when I see a woman dressed a certain way (don't want to paint particulars here) and I immediately feel the rush. There are so many facets to that (how a woman dresses and how I react), but this is just me and I won't go into that.

I am have become very stable in my mind by just avoiding triggers. That is where I am right now. I avoid triggers like the plague, but I maintain a healthy disposition, partly because of the sentiments that you quoted from me. Whenever I feel that the rush is starting to consume me I stop everything for at least a week, an immediate response. No contemplation. I see it, I act. I don't debate about it with myself, because logic is on the side of sexual desire for the P-addict, unfortunately.

eagle rising, May 9, 2021

eagle rising, May 9, 2021

#14902

rotten_tomato, Toni7, LuckyMan and 3 others like this.
May 9, 2021 #14903

Thomas3 Fapstronaut

61

566

83

Checking in Day 23

Thomas3, May 9, 2021

Thomas3, May 9, 2021

#14903

rotten_tomato, Toni7, LuckyMan and 7 others like this.
May 9, 2021 #14904

Cartographer Fapstronaut

460

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Day 3,

Almost done with school! Sending you all my best!

Stay strong Fellowship!

Cartographer, May 9, 2021

Cartographer, May 9, 2021

#14904

rotten_tomato, Thomas3, Toni7 and 8 others like this.
May 9, 2021 #14905

RiseToGreatness Fapstronaut

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crazyhorse11 said: ↑

Dear friends, I come here humbly to ask for your prayers and to confess that I did MO last night for the first time since mid Nov last year. I did not P, but, despite all my posts on fishing, I fished again last night and felt I had to M to prevent the fishing from escalating into P, which was had become imminent due to a series of bad choices I made over the last 4 weeks. I have recycled a post on fishing that @RiseToGreatness (& JK Emezi) posted earlier in the year at the end of this post as I believe that it demonstrates clearly where the gaps in my understanding of fishing (substituting/ objectifying) lie. I feel so embarrassed that I presumed to post on fishing but 2-3 days ago, only to fall straight in there again myself.

So by the rules of this forum, I now move from King to Orc, which feels terrible. But I will keep counting the No P days, as I believe it is vitally important to keep up this No P streak, while I get back on the No MO wagon.

Dissection of How & Why I MO'd last night:

At the start of this year I set a resolution checklist, which I followed religiously up to the end of March

The month of March I also upped the ante, going off suga, increased my exercise routine and lost weight

April was then an extremely busy month in work, which lead to late nights which in turn lead to late mornings, so my sleep pattern went out of kilter

This coincided with going back on the sugar, and so during this busy period I started stress eating with sugar again, biscuits, chocolates, etc...

Started getting stomach problems, and like most people, felt the COVID claustrophobia, coupled with loneliness, more intensely than ever before

Tolerance for problems dropped, leading to bitching a moaning, leading to pushing people away and feeling socially ashamed of being such a complainer

Started fighting with friends - increasing my sense of isolation

People start telling me I need to chill out and calm down. I could feel I was super-charged and not in a good way.

Found I had no time to scratch: simple tasks like doing the dishes got pushed out on the long finger. Ended each day so tired that all I could do was watch a movie

So moved about in a haze from stressful workdays, to stoned like movie watching, to sleeping late

De-prioritised posting in this forum. Went from posting thrice weekly in March, to once every 10 days in April. Also parked the Freedom Fight course for April.

De-prioritised mindful and BRACE breathing

As colleagues in work were also under pressure, the tone of conversation dropped rapidly (lead mostly by the female colleagues). So almost daily innuendo, puns and flirtatious jokes at work

Although I was very vigilant on my movie selection regarding triggers, there were still obviously Beautiful women acting - and these awoke the dopamine receptors who had been crying out for relief from the stress I was putting my mind and body under

Started looking up the actresses afterwards reading about them etc.... (substituting/ fishing)

Got caught out by serious triggers on one movie, that shares a name with another movie that was rated as not having any triggers on commonsense media - as I was on an exercise bike at the time I couldn't switch it off in time and the deltafosB highways light up

watched an innocent comedy one night and thought that laughter could be the substitute I needed, so watched another comedy with the same actor the next night, which commonsense media called out as having triggers, but I gauged that the laughter I would get would outweigh the dangers of any triggers which I planned on skipping through (bad mistake as this movie was full of very bad triggers) - part of me knew this was a bad idea but I silenced this part of me

Now at this stage the urges are screaming at me - and the Gollum inside is gleaming with excitement

Had nocturnal emissions on Thursday night for first time in over 2 months, maybe 3

I commit to stop fishing but as soon as this week ended, along with one of the busiest periods of the year, I crashed last night and with the chase from the Nocturnal Emissions found myself looking for new movies but this time not really caring if I saw trigger scenes or not, telling myself I could handle them (big mistake & hypocritical in the extreme)

Urges were at fever pitch and I was inches away from P, fantasies were raging in me and I flirted with ideas that I had not had in over a year and continued to fish

Decided to MO to end the escalation before the fishing became P, which was very close - this is not an excuse but it is the path my mind took to making the decision (the wrong path)

How to fix this?

I realise now I am going to have to fight with the chase for all day tomorrow, Monday and maybe Tuesday when the endorphins drop and I will fall into a rage. All of which I will need to surf.

I dug out this link from Freedom Fight which I have sent to several people who have relapsed in the past, and which I need for myself now:

https://thefreedomfight.org/30-day-challenge-sign-up/day-18-relapse-and-reality-video/

I will take these pointers from this video to heart

Response to relapse needs to be repentance and not just regret

Repentance = allow myself to feel my brokeness + confess (to God & to you here) + commit to not do this again

Freedom is near when we are living in Reality

Living in reality = complete honesty = do not deny, minimise, rationalise (make excuses)

Not Relapsing is not the only goal, the ultimate goal is Freedom, and Freedom only happens by living in reality

We want to celebrate an immediate and complete confession after relapse

Relapse is a Short Lapse In Progress - S.L.I.P - if you learn from it, repent and grow in understanding as a result of it, you are not back at square one - genuine progress has been made - do not let this defeat you

A relapse does not stop the healing process but does have consequences (chaser effect, lit delta fosb highways, fished images in the mind, stronger urges)

Learn from the relapse

I commit to posting here minimum twice a week, or every 3 days

I commit to BRACE/ Mindful breathing daily

I will resurrect the resolution checklist and start back into it from tomorrow

Post by @RiseToGreatness of JK Emezi

Hey brothers,

I have managed to stay away from masturbation for a long time, thanks to the program. I've also stayed away from pornography for the most part, except for some slips which were not picked up by my pornography filters.

However, I've had a hard time getting rid of what you would call substitutes. Like whenever I see an attractive actress in a movie, a beautiful musician, or a stunning girl in real life, I want to check her out online.

Also, I have a hard time sometimes stopping myself from checking out bikini or lingerie pictures. I've added most online shopping sites that are an issue for me to my filter. But it always seems as if pictures are slipping through still.

I've also blocked Instagram and Twitter, which used to be triggers. I still have Facebook because of necessity, both for work and for the program, so it works okay for me most of the time.

Any ideas on how I could deal with this issue?

Let me break down my answer for you.

There Are No Substitutes

The first thing to do when you find yourself in this situation is you've got to examine your beliefs. In this case, that starts with the idea of the word “substitutes”. Do you see these things as substitutes?

When you're serious about your reboots, there are no substitutes.

Everything mentioned comes under the umbrella of pornography for this brother. This is probably the case for you, too. If you’re looking up pictures of actresses online, or even women you’ve seen in real life, it’s a slip. If you masturbate to models wearing lingerie or bikinis, that counts as a slip.

If you become aroused by viewing these images, you should treat it the same way you treat any other pornographic content. It doesn’t matter whether other people see them as “lesser of two evils”. Once you slip it’s going to feel the same way. Whether you slip on a porn site or a shopping site, all slips lead to identical feelings of shame.

Dissect Your Behavior
Once you accept that substitutes are no longer acceptable, now you need to look at your behavior. The best way to do this is by writing it down in your journal as an exercise. You want to really dissect what it is that you’re doing when acting out this way.

Ask yourself, “Why am I looking up an actress, musician, or woman in real life online?”

Why do you do this? What is the purpose of that behavior? It doesn’t matter whether you saw her on the big screen, the small screen, or in real life. Why do you automatically feel the need to search for them on Instagram?

Have you ever even paused to ask yourself this?

If you’re like most of us, probably not. You’re likely stuck in a thinking loop that you’ve never bothered to question. Once you dissect the behavior, though, you realize it doesn’t serve any logical purpose at all. There’s no good reason to look her up online that isn’t connected to your addiction or out-of-control behavior.

Porn Substitutes Stem From Objectification
Here’s the root of the problem: when you look this woman up online, you’re objectifying her. Your urge to look her up online implies that what you’ve seen of her already is not enough. It isn’t enough for you until you can find more images of her and judge her from a sexual standpoint. Until you can objectify this woman, it’s not enough for you.

Now you need to ask yourself, “What does this say about me?”

When you have a habit of objectifying women it will ruin your relationships with them for as long as the behavior continues. You cannot truly love a woman because you value her only for her looks, not for her as a person.

You likely don’t realize these things you view as porn substitutes only make the problem worse. You’re looking at these women as objects, not as another human being with attributes for you to appreciate. She has value outside of her looks but you’re incapable of seeing them when you’re valuing her only on her appearance.

The problem persists even after you’ve cut pornography and other out-of-control behaviors from your life. You’re not going to progress in your reboot until you address this core internal issue. You must work through your objectification of women if you want to overcome the desire to look at these substitutes.

Strengthening Boundaries Takes Practice
Your Porn Reboot won’t be successful all at once. It takes practice to build these internal boundaries. Pornography is a clear issue for every man who comes to the program, but many neglect to consider why these substitutes are a problem, too.

Part of a serious reboot is examining each of these boundaries as they come up. Unpack your behavior.
Why are you doing the things you do?
What do you hope to achieve by taking a certain action?
The more you dissect your behavior, the more you understand yourself. The more you understand yourself, the stronger your boundaries become.

Each time you find that your inner addict is searching for something and find it, it’s time to sit down and examine it. Rebooting takes time but you’ll make progress as long as you’re committed to the process. It doesn’t happen overnight but you’ll continue progressing as long as you stick with the system.
Click to expand...

i´m sorry to hear bro . well, you did great, and you´re still doing great! some bumps happen along the road. in fact, nothing can teachs us quite like a fall.

i will add 2 things to your plan:

1- stay accountable daily, here or with an AP. accountability is one of the crucial procedures to overcome an addiction. because accountability exposes the addiction, and the addiction needs secrecy to thrive.

2- not only you need to work on detecting and stopping fishing right at birth, but it´s also good to recall your personal values. who are you? what values do you defend? recall your values daily. the more you recall then, the more you will act aligned with them. then, you will naturally integrate that objectification is a gateway to porn, but also an foremost, a detrimental behaviour for you and society.

other than that, congratulations my brother!! you did great, and you took a huge step in your recovery progress .

now let´s get out of Barad-dûr
RiseToGreatness, May 9, 2021

RiseToGreatness, May 9, 2021

#14905

rotten_tomato, Toni7, LuckyMan and 5 others like this.
May 9, 2021 #14906

RiseToGreatness Fapstronaut

5,933

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143

bob200 said: ↑

Day 3

The weekend really moved fast because I was not home at all. Went on a trip with my girlfriend and ended up having great sex (we have been in a real dry strike) so my mood was really lifted from the intimacy.

I’m shit scared, right now, but today I’m finally starting to send out CV’s to try and find a job as a developer after I’ve been unemployed since the covid shitstorm had started. Wish me luck.
Click to expand...

good luck brother!! we´re with you!!!

RiseToGreatness, May 9, 2021

RiseToGreatness, May 9, 2021

#14906

rotten_tomato, Toni7, LuckyMan and 2 others like this.
May 9, 2021 #14907

eagle rising Fapstronaut

1,635

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My Journal

Day 255, checking in.

eagle rising, May 9, 2021

eagle rising, May 9, 2021

#14907

rotten_tomato, Thomas3, Toni7 and 8 others like this.
May 9, 2021 #14908

RiseToGreatness Fapstronaut

5,933

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ListenPaul said: ↑

Day 17 monk mode.

I am late to post this. But yesterday I felt very emotional - so withheld myself. When (and if) I finish this challenge, here will be exactly 500 journal-style entries. No more - no less. So no skipping! 483 entries to go.

The road

This is a strange road that God is sending me. I was pulled out from masturbation lifestyle with big force. My body sometimes is still into that. But I am not. So I feel divided. I am grateful that I am in this road. It's a very tough road but I am grateful. Of course trying to lose pmo addiction (or whatever it is) is important but I am most grateful for the life lessons that I learned about myself, others and our existence. I am grateful that I understood more about human struggle and that sin directly harms us and not somehow metaphorically.

I don't know, where this road will lead me. I will say openly that I am quite afraid. I don't have an option to go back because I am separated from pmo lifestyle without a way to return. So I can go only forward but this road seems mysterious, puzzling and a bit scary. Full of unknown. But if everything would be known it wouldn't be an adventure. Real journey.

Sorry if my entries are not inspiring much. But I am not trying to do that. I am just sharing my experience as it is.

Rule number 1. Of course, no pornography, no masturbation, no orgasm. Check.
Rule number 2. No searching for sexually stimulating material, guarding my look in the street, on TV, on internet, etc. Check.
Rule number 3. Daily prayer. Check.
Rule number 4. Following my day schedule. This includes going to sleep and waking up on time, starting and finishing work on time. Check.
Rule number 5. At least one hour a day of activities not related to work, this site or empty internet browsing. Check.
Rule number 6. Daily journaling. Here or personally. Check.
Rule number 7. Memory practise. I will relate it to my studies, so that I would save time. Check.

It is a reset, when any of first three rules is breached. I should follow others as much as possible.

Click to expand...

that´s good enough bro. nothing can beat honesty .

yeah, there´s a lot of unknown days ahead but that´s what progress really is about, in fact that´s what life is about . Confort zone sucks ass .

also it´s important to believe that your life will become better in this path. believing one can be free from the PMO chains is crucial for success. so believe my brother, and you´re halfway there

RiseToGreatness, May 9, 2021

RiseToGreatness, May 9, 2021

#14908

rotten_tomato, Toni7, LuckyMan and 3 others like this.
May 9, 2021 #14909

Baby Yoda Fapstronaut

59

612

83

Day 41

Baby Yoda, May 9, 2021

Baby Yoda, May 9, 2021

#14909

rotten_tomato, ksie, Thomas3 and 8 others like this.
May 9, 2021 #14910

MyGodandMyAll27 Fapstronaut

488

3,337

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My Journal

Day 17. God Bless you all .

MyGodandMyAll27, May 9, 2021

MyGodandMyAll27, May 9, 2021

#14910

rotten_tomato, Thomas3, Toni7 and 8 others like this.
May 9, 2021 #14911

RiseToGreatness Fapstronaut

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Checking in brave Fellowship!!

I detect on Sundays there´s usually a drop in members logs on the thread. so i hope this is due to members not being at home (or disconnect from internet), than due to lack of accountability

For me, today, finally a calm day, no turbulence or triggering situations. keeping myself active and resting when needed

The following members are strong on their paths. Congratulations!!!

@Slider8 - Uruk-Hai

@ksie - Dwarf / Moria

A round of applause to the tremendous improvement of our brother @crazyhorse11 and a wave of support to our dearest brother @LuckyMan which is facing a hard time now. Courage my brothers, your tenacity is an inspiration for us!!!

Checking out my brothers and sisters. Have a good day!!! Love you all

Awareness moment

RiseToGreatness, May 9, 2021

RiseToGreatness, May 9, 2021

#14911

rotten_tomato, ksie, Toni7 and 10 others like this.
May 9, 2021 #14912

Anew2019 Fapstronaut

616

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My Journal

0 days. Been falling. Not going to lose hope. Going to keep posting here. I will never give up.

Anew2019, May 9, 2021

Anew2019, May 9, 2021

#14912

rotten_tomato, RiseToGreatness, Thomas3 and 7 others like this.
May 9, 2021 #14913

12ove Fapstronaut

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12ove said: ↑

Day 29 trod on! one lunar month in the bag!
Click to expand...

Day 31 trod on!

12ove, May 9, 2021

12ove, May 9, 2021

#14913

rotten_tomato, RiseToGreatness, Thomas3 and 7 others like this.
May 9, 2021 #14914

Prophet Moonstruck Fapstronaut

359

3,239

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Anew2019 said: ↑

0 days. Had a fall. Got to keep working on myself. I will get there one day at a time.
Click to expand...

That's the only way, the right way!

Prophet Moonstruck, May 9, 2021

Prophet Moonstruck, May 9, 2021

#14914

rotten_tomato, 12ove, RiseToGreatness and 6 others like this.
May 9, 2021 #14915

Prophet Moonstruck Fapstronaut

359

3,239

123

QweezySqueeze said: ↑

Iii failed tremendously. I relapsed hard into both nicotine and porn. I was doing okay on a day my anger got the best of me and I kept our bong and box of reefer and tobacco duct taped even but that wasn’t enough to take it out by end day after trying to keep busy with everything else during it. I could really use a buddy on this to help keep me accountable. I am desperate and have no support from my friends on this, I feel like a kid. Which really isn’t helping me at all hah. Help a real life hobbit out? I’ve got no life and I’m drowning in this.
Click to expand...

I could give it a shot for some accountability

Prophet Moonstruck, May 9, 2021

Prophet Moonstruck, May 9, 2021

#14915

rotten_tomato, Toni7, LuckyMan and 2 others like this.
May 9, 2021 #14916

Deleted Account Guest

Day 377.

Deleted Account, May 9, 2021

Deleted Account, May 9, 2021

#14916

rotten_tomato, RiseToGreatness, Thomas3 and 8 others like this.
May 9, 2021 #14917

Slider8 Fapstronaut

2,955

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Hey brothers another day and what a nice update - I'm Uruk-hai now !

Apart from that was a lazy procrastinating day 'my way' i did what I like and skipped the important stuff.
9 miles run in the morning,cold shower, 5 miles cycling, 1.5 hour at the gym and 55 minutes of meditation. Fingers aching after climbing and some problems are hard to solve on the spot just because the capacity is not there yet.

Slider8, May 9, 2021

Slider8, May 9, 2021

#14917

rotten_tomato, RiseToGreatness, Toni7 and 8 others like this.
May 9, 2021 #14918

Ciceron Fapstronaut

265

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Checking in.

St. John, pray for us!

Ciceron, May 9, 2021

Ciceron, May 9, 2021

#14918

rotten_tomato, RiseToGreatness, Thomas3 and 8 others like this.
May 9, 2021 #14919

Cartographer Fapstronaut

460

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Day 0,

Got distracted by thumbnails and I was able to feed on NSFW thumbnails despite by blocker.

Calling it a reset, I am not downtrodden, just becoming more aware. Onwards Fellowship!

Cartographer, May 9, 2021

Cartographer, May 9, 2021

#14919

rotten_tomato, RiseToGreatness, Thomas3 and 10 others like this.
May 9, 2021 #14920

Revanthegrey Fapstronaut

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Now i think, fishing is likes to see the Palantir of Saruman in the Lotr

Last edited: May 10, 2021

Revanthegrey, May 9, 2021

Revanthegrey, May 9, 2021

#14920

rotten_tomato, Ciceron, RiseToGreatness and 6 others like this.

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