The Lord of the Rings Challenge

304 days

 

Day 52 check-in (Attempt 4) - The Dwarven realm of Moria.

 

Another stinking reset. Back to Day 0.

No porn, no triggers, just feeling fine one moment and relapsed the next. It's like whatever willpower I had was just totally bypassed. I haven't been struggling this badly in a long time.

The amount of sleep I'm getting hasn't changed, but for the past week or so I have felt like molasses getting out of bed in the mornings and in the hours leading up to bedtime during the evening. I don't know if there's a correlation with all my resets but I need to figure out how to get myself feeling healthy and aligned again.

St. Francis Xavier, pray for us!

 

Starting again.

Last night I couldn’t sleep, ended up binging for hours until 3 AM.

I know I can get a week with no porn, I can even almost do two weeks. But somehow the first 48 hours are almost impossible.

I’ve put in timers for meditation, I’ve put my journal on my pillow so I could write before I go to sleep. My phone is on quit mode and I’m not planning to take him to the bathroom, and today I’m going to go for a run after I’ll finish studying.

Porn feels good in the moment, but life feels better without porn all day long, I just got to remember that.

Thank you everybody for helping me get back up after I fall.

 

Checking in on Day 165.

 

309 days dwarf king
384 days no PMO, semen retention

 

Day 94

 

Day one M-free and P-sub-free once again. Day 196 P-free.

I finished reading Your Brain On Porn last night. My stepson poked his head into our bedroom looking for his mom while I was reading it, and I think he saw the title. Oh well, he didn't see me looking at pornography; he saw me reading about what it does to the brain. Besides, he's 17, so he will be fine with it. He may have gotten a clue that I was watching pornography in the past already (though I really hope not). Or, he might just think I am learning how to help people who struggle with it. Which I am, I just won't advertise that it is because I had a problem with it myself.

Anyway, I am ready to start this non-masturbating journey once again, and to get permanently away from porn substitutes.

Onward!

 

Checking in.
Feeling very tired, I cannot tell where is brain fog or is headache.

Best wishes, I hope you do well!


St. Ignatius of Loyola, pray for us!

 

1 day

Prayer
Replaced my morning prayer with exercise this morning. Need to figure out when I will pray. Right when I get home from work I think.

Abstinence
Skipped supper last night. My body is used to fasting now. No hunger pangs this morning.

Rest
Read for an hour last night. 8 hours of sleep.

Exercise
Exercised for a half hour this morning. Jumping jacks, push ups, a plank one core work out.

Nutrition
Went grocery shopping yesterday. Bought leafy greens, cucumbers and rice cakes for first break. A mix of rice and quinoa, vegetables and fish for second break. Super healthy.

Time.
I will get through this one day at a time. I will be patient with myself. Stoked about the healthy choices I am making. I am doing future Anew2019 huge favours.

 

Yes, you are!

 

Checking in for the first time, Day 1.

Off from school for the summer, most vulnerable moments are late at night, got to keep the laptop in another room as I go to bed.

Hopefully can make Day 2.

 

It only looks like this, cos there is always a trigger even your room/bathroom and things in there can act like triggers without you realizing much. Honestly , you have to learn to meditate to become sensitive to whats going on inside you, because you can't control something you are not aware of. And for any action to take place there should be a motivation, an ability and the trigger present ,otherwise it won't happen. For example for most of the people ability to relapse is absent in public places, with their family around etc.

 

@RiseToGreatness @ListenPaul @Ciceron

 

Day 8, very much a struggle. Don’t believe I’m capable. Willpower is so weak.

 

Day 125. “You enter the region of Ithilien, "a fair country of climbingwoods and swift-falling streams".

Be well everyone!

 

day 8 i want to reach the shire again

 

Nice Krishnamurti's quotation in your signature !

 

Believe in yourself brother ! Capability tends to stretch and change fast and you have all the willpower you need if you but apply it in the right way !