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An interesting situation (TRIGGER WARNING!)

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by cryptifly, Aug 6, 2015.

  1. Aug 6, 2015 #1
    cryptifly

    cryptifly Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone,

    First off, TRIGGER WARNING. I will be talking about sexual situations so if you're feeling vulnerable right now, please don't read this post. :)













    I'm currently in doing a reboot, somewhat successfully, so far; I haven't looked at porn in at least a week and I don't see my willpower failing in that department yet. BUT I have recently met a girl with whom an unusual relationship has sprung. This is not a dating relationship, we're friends but a friend's-with-benefits kind of thing. I don't feel close to her yet, but she asked me if I was willing to have this kind of relationship and I dare say that I'm intrigued. She's even giving me full control of what we do. It's hard for me to say no to this. I don't get to have sex often and I have no reason to turn her down.... or do I?

    What I want to get your opinion on is will this kind of relationship affect my reboot?

    I'm not looking at porn. When I do get turned on it's because of HER, not some fantasy. There isn't love involved and it is "just a sex" kind of thing (which I'm okay with right now because, to be honest, I won't be getting any real girlfriends soon with my brain in the condition its in). From what I've read on this site and others is that the real problem comes from an attachment to a fantasy be it from porn or something else. But sex is okay because its with a real woman. I hope I'm getting my facts straight, here...

    So sex is okay. I'm guessing masturbation to images of this woman in my head probably won't help me. What about hand jobs? Is that just masturbation at the hands of someone else? Should I avoid that?

    I don't know, I'm kinda torn by all this. Sex with a willing partner (albiet unloving) and full control of what we do. Also, I get the psychology of all of this. I get that this is not a real relationship and that she has problems and all that, but that's not the point of this post. I want your opinion on whether this kind of thing is bad for my reboot. I appreciate all your input!
     
    cryptifly, Aug 6, 2015
    cryptifly, Aug 6, 2015
    #1
  2. Aug 6, 2015 #2
    IGY

    IGY Guest

    The key factor is the fact that you will get a big release of dopamine by having sex. That will create some sort of chaser effect (although less than PMO). Because you are at the start of your reboot, having such regular dopamine surges from sexual activity is problematic to your reboot. However, it is still an option some people go for. They accept the fact that their reboot will be much slower overall than going hard mode. You are right to think this through, because whatever you do will make a difference.
     
    IGY, Aug 6, 2015
    IGY, Aug 6, 2015
    #2
    cryptifly likes this.
  3. Aug 6, 2015 #3
    Temujin

    Temujin Guest

    Depends on your personal reasons and objectives for doing NoFap I guess. Some people here will say don't do it others will say go for it.

    If the point is to rewire to sex with an actual woman then this is a great offer.
    If the point is to find a loving relationship then this offer isn't what you are looking for.
    If the point is to get more women or better with women then again this is a great offer.
    If the point is celibacy then this isn't what you are looking for.
    ect ect

    So I guess it's more about asking yourself what you are in NoFap for. Because all our answers will be about why we are here.

    Also I would say Handjobs are not the same as masturbation. If it involves another person then it's not a problem. But again I'm saying that because of my reasons for being here.
     
    Temujin, Aug 6, 2015
    Temujin, Aug 6, 2015
    #3
    cryptifly likes this.
  4. Aug 7, 2015 #4
    nomo

    nomo Fapstronaut

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    The point is to stop MO or for me to stop watching porn completely and cut back on MO.
    Sex with a partner is fine, natural, and I don't believe abstaining from sexual relationships is part of this program. Have fun and enjoy.
     
    nomo, Aug 7, 2015
    nomo, Aug 7, 2015
    #4
  5. Aug 8, 2015 #5
    cryptifly

    cryptifly Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for all your input everyone! It took some thinking but I decided to cut ties with the woman I spoke of. As tempting as a friends-with-benefits is, especially one that has me in so much control, the anticipation of the situation was making me relapse. On top of that, she is, in reality, a very toxic person to be around-- very needy, dishonest, prone to lying to get what she wanted. It's in my best interest to not have her in my life anymore as my nofap goals are far more important than having unloving sex partner (with whom I had NOTHING in common). Now back to the grind of healing my mind. Hopefully, no other temptations like this will arise. Thank you again!
     
    cryptifly, Aug 8, 2015
    cryptifly, Aug 8, 2015
    #5
    AlltheRageBackHome likes this.
  6. Aug 9, 2015 #6
    AlltheRageBackHome

    AlltheRageBackHome Guest

    Well, you made the right decision. Just from my recent studies on sexual transmutation, it can effect your body, energetically and even physically when engaging in sex where love is not involved. Casual sex is like poison.

    Of course, if I read this thread two years ago, I would have been like, "yeah dude, go for it. "F*ck her brains out and have fun," but it seems like I'm no longer that guy. I've changed. I've evolved. I have different perspectives now.

    Instead, I encourage you to transmit that built up sexual energy into other beneficial things.

    I'm currently reading "Taoist Secrets of Love: Cultivating Male Sexual Energy", by Montak Chia.
    It's very interesting.

    I highly recommend all men to look up sexual transmutation. It will not only open your eyes to the secrets of energy in sperm, but it will also benefit other areas of your life as well.

    We tend to treat sex like a game, as a thing "I must have, right now", but it's so much more than that. We CAN control this sexual energy and use it to OUR own benefit instead of feeling like a slave to it. It is ours to wield.

    I genuinely want to feel less desperate for sex, and I'm constantly allowing myself to go really deep into my own psyche, finding out what drives me, what drives me to want sex with every hot woman I see. Surely, there must be more to life.
    I really want to get to a place where I don't even feel lust for every attractive woman I see. I only want to have those sexual feelings towards one person; My soul mate, as this is how it was intended to be by default, before we became sexually corrupted and perverted.

    We were not supposed to lust sexually for multiple people.

    My mission is to absolutely go back to default, to factory settings. And I will not rest until I am there.
     
    AlltheRageBackHome, Aug 9, 2015
    AlltheRageBackHome, Aug 9, 2015
    #6
    Nabz, Thechosenone and cryptifly like this.

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