The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Checking in. Sorry to hear about the many struggles this weekend from you all. Be strong, tomorrow is a new day. I'll also throw my vote behind cold showers. They're the best. Every time I get in the shower, I tell myself, if I can step into a freezing shower then I can withstand any urge P tries to throw at me. Then I step in.
Be well everyone

 

Day 106

 

Day 0
Alright after about a week off hiatus I am back for my second true attempt at this. The first attempt I made it 55 days and honestly I don't think I let myself be as happy with that as I should have been because I know I can do better.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about what I want my summer to look like. Do I want to live free. Do I want to have energy, life, and close bonds with other real people? Do i want to go outside and explore and live with adventure? Or do I want to live chained to my desires, always thinking about and trying to get to that next moment when you feel alive using p, distancing myself away from true and real interaction. To be true to myself, I did honestly entertain choosing that second option. If I truly wanted it, I can choose to live that way and I have certainly lived that way at other points in my life. But I just know that that is not what I truly want, that is not a way to truly live. However, I've got to make that choice and bring myself out of those depths, so here I am again. I will give it my best shot. I am an orc for now.

 

Day. 1 I'm not gonna give up. step by step to our goal, destroy the PMO ring

 

Day 8 no P/P-subs
Day 3 no MO

I MO'd three times last week, once on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Have not peeked or fished since a week ago this past Sunday, and the urges have subsided. I know why I MO'd those times. I was really anxious for the weekend as I was staying the weekend at my romantic interest's place, and it would just be the two of us. There were a lot of thoughts running through my head, and as I did not want to act out of turn with her, I acted out of turn with myself. (And by the way, not looking for any response for better or worse, I know what I did and I accept full responsibility, so I do not need to be told why MO is so bad, I know.)

With that said, one thing that came out of this, is that I did not go back to porn after a couple MO sessions without it. Not going to continue lighting that match, but it is progress as in the past the chaser led me straight back to porn, but I have no desire to look at porn. Heck, after the anxiety that was this weekend, I no longer have the urge to MO. The weekend went well, she and I are closer than ever (we cuddled and held hands and talked a lot), and I just signed up for live Spanish classes through June 30th on Babbel.

Lastly, I am not sure how much more I will be on these forums for now, as I need to get my life straight, and focusing on the streaks, while potentially motivating, puts a lot of pressure on me. I will update my counter when I have set backs, but I think that for now, I will be taking a step back from the forums. (And @RiseToGreatness I have several accountability partners outside of these forums, so I will be staying accountable, just off of the NoFap forums). With that said, I will check in to update my ranking when I upgrade in the challenge, and to give a brief update of where I am at (so day 6 and day 15 coming up). I will only post if I reset/relapse if it changes my ranking, but otherwise, I will be adjusting my counter and you can check out my account to see where I am at otherwise. I am saying all this so that you know that I am still here and not quitting the challenges, just taking a step back.

Thank you,
Best,
Mathman1994

 

Going good
316 days

 

Day 64 check-in (Attempt 4) -
The river Anduin.

 

If you say that you are not religious you mean that you believe that you are only your physical body which has born in some random way and keeps being alive with no real purpose behind its existence, but random spontaneous acts of urges and desires to satisfy? What is the meaning behind you being a live body?
...and yeah meditation is just great (when it goes well ) and if you become really good at it you will definitely become very religious in a true way, so be careful

 

Day 99 - was playing Big Buck Hunter arcade game and had to stop due to dancing girls before each round. It’s crazy how common it is to objectify women in our world.

Did my Five Minute Journal last night and this morning as planned.

 

New month, new start. Good luck to everyone for a pmo-free June!

 

Day 0

New start

 

Day 8
Managed to survive yesterdays challange with a bunch of cold showers and workout at home.Today i am feeling kinda tired and more anxious than normal.Not gonna let myself relapse tho.
If i am gonna feel bad at least i will keep my dignity.
Best of luck Fellowship and stay strong!

 

322 days dwarf king
397 days no PMO, semen retention

 

So what you are saying is that if I am not religious, I find life meaningless ?

 

Morning of day 3