Jealousy

@iamking7777 No, is not normal. Jealous comes from fear, fear of loosing her to another man. Fear of loosing her and been alone. been alone and not confident that you can find another person like him/her or even better.
Jealosy is a way a person show to the world his self esteem is low and is totally toxic in a relationship.
Some people are going to tell you that they are jealous because they care and is a way of showing the other person that they matter, but the reality is that it's just a way to justify their bad behaviour and fears.

Confident man enjoy their woman and trust in her that she is going to choose him every time because he think he is her best option. He has good self steem to think that way and is also ok if she choose to be with another guy because he knows he can go and date other woman that are as good as her.
When you have options, you don't fear losing something. When you don't have options you are going to hold on tight to what you have and "protect" it like you life depends on it.

Another way of think of it.. if you are in a desert with other guys and you need to survive for 1 week. If you only have a bottle of water you are going to protect it at all cost, but if you have plenty of them you are not going to care if someone stole you the one you are drinking of.. you just go and look for another one in your stack.

Also.. if your woman go and cheat on you with another man, she showed you she lack integrity and is no longer a woman to be consider for something serious. She and the oher guy made you a favor and now you are free to go and find a woman with integrity that value lowalty and monogamy.

 

This is the second time this day you really impressed me.
Thanks for sharing your knowledge.

 

Jealusy is a pretty normal feeling. It is ok to feel it from time to time. Just let your partner know if you feel uncomfortable about anything and work trough it. It is ok to talk about stuff like boundaries early on so that you both are on the same page. I dont feel jealous too often. I discussed it with a friend who probably have a crush on me the other day. She asked me something about where I would draw the line in a relationship. I told her that I honestly would allow her to make out with other dudes. She was shocked and we ended up having a nice discussion about it. In a relationship, it is important to bring up stuff like this. If I get with a woman I will respect her boundaries unnless she becomes obsessive and jealous when I go out every once in a while on my own.

 

Low self steem is a turn down for a high self steem person. A person with hugh insecuruties is probably going to turn all that insecurities to you.

Is not my job to fix a woman or help her to solve her problems. I took my time to work on myself to be a happy confident man with high self steem. I want to date woman that is also happy and confident with a healthy self steam.

The way I better her life is to share her my happy complete life. She is going to better my life by sharing her completenes and happiness. The idea is to go to a relationship to give you happines, not to share your problems and hope that the other person help you fix them. Don't be selfish, fix your own issues and then go and share your best version to the other person.

Low selfsteem can turn quickly into toxic behaviour in a relationship, like trying to control the other person or transfering all your insecurities to the other person.

protect a woman has nothing to do with legoucy. Be her best option and she is going to choose you every single day.

No is not.. again, confident people don't have fear in relationships. But lowselfsteem is going to make you fear loosing her to another man. When you are in fear you actions and decitions comes from fear and not from love.

Of course I can. The idea is to love a person so they can feel free. In their freedom they choose to be with you or everyone else. You need to be OK with the fact that someday she way not want to choose you anymore and you are more than capable to go and find someone as better as her. No matter how much jelous you feel, or how much you "protect" her from other guys... if someday she wants to move on to another person you need to be ok with that. your life and happines never should be over someone else, it always have to come from a lot of things, from life full of hobbies, passions, people, etc. That's when you are going to get to a point that you are goint to start sharing time with a person without the fear of loosing them. And if they go, you are find with it you have plenty of things in life to be happy for and eventually you are going to met another great woman to spend time with.

 

Too high self esteem is an even bigger turnoff!

It's certainly nothing wrong with feeling vulnerable from time to time, or jealous. It's a normal human emotion, carved out from evolution. So is anger, fear, resentment. The key is how you deal with it.

 

If she is kind and supportive as she should be, she will understand and respect your feelings. She will also tell you if you have nothing to worry about and you should trust her. If you feel like she is stepping over any lines you could tell her. If you cant trust her then that is a different story. Trust is what relationships is all about. Too much jealousy can be toxic.

 

I agree that been overly confident to the point of been cocky in extreme is a turn down, but I prefer a person like that over a person that have really low selfsteem.

The fact that is normal to feel that way from time to time don't make it rigth. Jealousy is not ok, no matter how many people feel that way.

Those are even worst and less normal.

Agree with this one, there are people that handle them worst than others. The ones that don't handle it at all are the most toxic ones to have a relationship with, not only romantic but every type.

 

We are all familiar with your pump and dump routine on this forum. Partners, mainly women, are not allowed to have any negative trait or emotion, if they do, they need to be dumped immediately. Anyone that has been on this forum for more than two days have been thoroughly informed with what you think, rest assured!

You describe fear as something "less normal". To me, this notion, that a person hanging from a cliff or a child getting told it is going to loose its mother to a terminal illness shouldn't feel fear, is just ignorant beyond belief. Likewise, it's rather peculiar to brand someone who might perhaps have been hurt in a precious relationship as insane or toxic because they feel jealous. Our brain circuits literally can get damaged by experiencing strong emotions stemming from war, neglect, famine, bullying, cheating and so forth. We should try to sympathize with these people, help them get to terms with how they feel, rather than to ostracize them.

Humans are equipped with emotions to guide us through life. Jealousy is one of them. It can be profound and painful to people (not to you, obviously, but there are more people than you on this planet).

Allowing us to freely acknowledge emotions, while not necessarily act on them, is a big part of the practice of meditation, which has helped a lot of individuals get to terms with the hardship of life.

 

Very well said.
I would just add that if I truly care about someone, I would definitely sympathize with them and try to help them - unfortunately, you can't fix everyone. Actually, it seems you can rarely help someone sort out their personal issues unless they want to make a serious change themselves. So, letting them go like @p1n1983 said might be the only way in some cases. Otherwise, they just poison your life.

 

I was feeling jealousy when I was about 16-20 years old, now Im 24 and if I look back on myself I would say wtf I’m doing.

It all comes from the insecurity and low self esteem. Totally agree with @p1n1983

 

Of course. I'm talking about feelings of Jealousy. Not abnormal acting on Jealousy. It's two different things. If we demand if our partners that they should never have any negative feelings, we will end up with no one, or worse: someone with no emotion towards us at all.

 

This is how you look at it. I see my way of been of a guy that worked a lot to be in his primer and I want to date people in their prime. Why? Because people in their primer are ready and able to share with you their happiness and you can share yours to them. What's came out of this? A really happy couple..
Date people that have a lot of issues and all those issues are going to became yours and your life is going to be worst because you are with that person. Also, I'm not selfish. I prefer to work my issues on my own and then share my happiness to the world and not my problems. Selfish and lacy people prefer to do nothing and share their problems with the word in hope people fix them for him.

Nope, don't put worlds in my mouth. I don't care who is the one with red flags. If you don't have red flags, don't date people that have red flags.
In this case, lowselfsteem can transalte into jelousy, and jelous people most ofen transfer all their insecurities to the other person, like trying to control him, or check their phone, or even worst making scenes of jelousy in public.
Is toxic to date poeple like that, no matter if is a male or a female and I really frefer to date people that have a healthy selfsteem that is not going to bring all those problems to the relationship.

A woman/man with red flags should be dump.
If you don't have red flags, date people without red flags.
If you have red flags, work on yourselve to fix them.

Maybe but the fact that you (and other users) are constantly remanding everyone that I'm the bad guy, tell me that you are kind of triggeted by my ideas and probably offended by them because you have things in your life you need to work on and if people start to follow my ideas you can start to struggle in life.
I don't care about your ideas, I don't work my ass off to be rigth. But you (and other users) are constantly trying to be rigth and take so much time trying to bring down other people ideas. Speak up your truth, let me speak up mine and let the OP and other users to choose the ideas that best work for them.

Of course, man and woman can be affected from all of that and it's your job to fix you. Why would I need to put up with your crazyness or you with mine? I choosed to work on myself to be in my best version so I only date people that worked on themselves and are on their best.
You are demaged and don't want to fix yourselve? well.. people that are happy and not demaged are not going to date you, no matter what you tell as. So.. or you fix your own problems or you can settle dating damaged people. Is your choce at the end of the day. But telling healthy people to date demaged people is not going to work.

Is not your job to fix people, and there's a lot a people that don't want to get better.

Is a bad feeling that need to be worked on. Is toxic in a relationship. I wrote this above...

Don't make jelouse something normal. Work on it to solve it.

Exactly.

 

We look forward to see the fruits of your labor.

We don't even need to, you do that so graciously yourself.

Nobody says that either.

All people on this forum that are porn addicts are by your definition damaged with huge red flags. Should they never date then? So (a minority of) people on here compulisively jerk off to children and goats, but a person in love who experience occasional jealousy is "toxic". I think our definition of what is normal is a bit different, to say the least.

Most don't look for "damaged" partners, just as we don't go to IKEA to buy damaged furniture. Things can however fall apart and things can be fixed with some effort. No one is implying that a person should stay in a toxic dangerous relationship, or "heal" another person from their problems. We both know that shouldn't be done. But being a bit sympathetic towards someone we claim to love is actually a pretty good start!