I never have urges, this is how you fight and erase urges forever

Easy and simply way to explain the truth. Truly eye-opening. All of my relapses have been during moments of STRESS, when i wasn't relaxed and so busy/ amped up that i craved a stress-release. During moments when i didnt excercise or skipped a day of meditation. Instead of simply relaxing on my own, i used porn (the standard behavior model since 12 years old). Basically, what ypu are telling us is to simply relax when feeling an urge, either through breathing/ meditation or excercise/ work.

A question. What do you do when shit hits the fan and you had a fucked up day with lots of stress or anger and you just cant bring yourself to relax... but you have this obligation where some shit needs to get done on the computer where access is easy?

 

Aight thanks for this perspective. I believe time is the greatest factor then. Over time you simply learn to deal with it in a way that gives the best result. Through trial and error. Never give up the fight and keep battling the lower self through the higher self.

 

A secret weapon. Indeed it is. All initiates and masters are celibates, there is a reason for that. It is wisdom at its highest. Forgoing lust and pure desire for procreation is the greatest task a man can undertake. It is the transformation, purification and sacrifice of the lower basic personality with all its animal desires and replacing it with noble virtues such as patience, service, effort/ energy, equanimity, and a focus on god/ the supreme. Only by focusing on god, the supreme and seeing divinity in all things can this wretched current condition of men be overcome. This is a great movement and you are a great example.

 

you remind yourself that no matter how stressful or bad the day was, as long as you don't pmo, its a great day indeed

You ever heard the bible verse "Be anxious for nothing". Tell yourself that when you have days like this

 

I really like what you said here. Especially the part about transforming the base animal desires into nobility, virtue, and all those qualities that everyone admires in a man. What has helped me a lot is the realization that the pursuit of sex, at least for me, is almost always selfish. The following inspires me to the utmost. This book I was reading said it best:

"Unchastity does not lead to happiness. The most delicious of all the fruits of true and noble living cannot be had except by the chaste. Both chastity and unchastity have their roots in love—the love of the sexes. The chaste love those of the opposite sex purely and strongly. There is no stinginess, meanness, in their love. They are bounteous lovers.

The exalted love of brother and sister is fine example of chaste love, and so is the love of father for beautiful daughter. Such loves are not tinctured with sensuality. They do not give pain, but joy. They do not consume, but enlarge and strengthen. The unchaste love is different. It is selfish love, an animal love, fire which consumes its fuel and goes out, passion that has no object except in its gratification. It takes on many forms; but in whatsoever form it is an abnormality, a monstrosity. It has no place in the career of the true man or woman who lives for their highest development, and for the greatest fullness and richness of life."

 

At this moment mg own experience is telling me the same. To get over with this addiction to pmo and sex in general i decided i had to pass through a relationship to see for myself that this desire for sex or mastrubation is truly passion and no real love is involved. So i started actively looking and got into a relationship. Honestly, im more often unhappy these days when my "sexual needs" cant be met by my partner due to being busy and i turn to pmo once or twice a week than the days i used to pmo every day... it simply feels like my desire isnt met and it makes me unhappy (the general mechanism of desire and aversion). It resembles A LOT to substance addiction.

Even though this is the case NOW i believe i am heavily skewed due to the fact i havnt been able to transmute this sexual energy. Im still a PMOer. Just as with substance addiction, you need a couple of years of abstinence to see the true effect on your body mind and spirit.

So i believe those quotes to be beautifull and they reflect my thoughts until now, but at this moment i reflect on them and believe they are talking about OUTER chastity. Remember that as long as you PMO and havnt experienced INNER chastity (no lustful thoughys, not looking lustful at any girl, no pmo, seeing your girlfriend as a divine being that you love unconditionally), you cant judge. And that is my current goal with my girlfriend. I want to see if passion and lust can be tranformed into unconditional love within the confines of a sexually active (which is sinful and morbid since you are not procreating, simply satisfying lust) relationship. My intuition tells me it cannot... but we shall see. I should have stayed single... curiosity and desire got the best of me.

 

hmm, in a friendly and inquisitive manner, I question why you think those quotes were about OUTER chastity. Read them again, it seems to me that they were talking about the heart. The kind of love that enlarges and strengthens comes from a pure heart, a desire to uplift and serve rather than seek one's own gratification...

But yes, you are right that of course the inner chastity matters just as much and more than outer chastity. Another verse occurs when Jesus scolds the pharisees "why do you clean the outside but not the inside of the cup? (heart)". And he said the commandment about not murdering extends to a sense of resentment and anger against someone. Similarly, committing adultery extends to looking lustfully at a woman (whether that verse was being applied to only married men is debated), but the point stands

Nonetheless, I admire your reflection and contemplation on this matter, and I too wonder as to the answer to your question of whether "passion and lust can be tranformed into unconditional love within the confines of a sexually active (which is sinful and morbid since you are not procreating, simply satisfying lust) relationship"...

My gut feeling tells me it IS possible. For example, you meet your twin flame. Also, if you are married, then I think it is possible. "marriage is honorable to all" is another verse. Even if you aren't married and have a girlfriend, it could be possible. But i think it would take real inner work, and probably a very long period of abstinence and self cleansing to be able to get to that state

I hope we can both reach it

You should check out my post related to this topic!
Transform your desire: lust vs love... Aim to have your love untinctured with sensuality | NoFap®

 

Yeah thats what im realizing now. My internal spiritual life is the complete opposite of how my girlfriend views the world. Indeed the relationships seems mundane compared to that...

It was the other way around. I discovered spirituality before the red pill. And only after swallowing that pill i entered my first relationship because it felt i had to pass through that to advance spiritually and exhaust that type of desire.

I read somewhere a man can only have one true love. Either it is a women (passion) or the supreme all/ God (unconditional love for all).

Can they both be "combined" or the love for a women through the lens of diviniry within a relationship?

Whats your solution?

 

Great post, as always, modern milarepa!

 

Thanks for your help and for your shared wisdom.

I personally found that going to the gym at least 4 times a week, lifting heavy weights, and doing cold showers help you release that tension we as males who practice retention used to store so much.

What made me lose my past 511 days streak, and what made me watch porn multiple times during that streak were urges and not being able to deal with them.

Since I started this streak I went immediately to the gym and started doing cold showers.

Funny to say I literally have no urges and I am not even struggling to keep this streak stable and pure.

So yeah, the key must be redirecting the sexual energy we tend to store into productive things, like going to the gym, working for your future or even going outside looking for a partner.

There's no motive to store all your sexual energy and castrating your libido that much, suffering every day to maintain your streak.
Doing it might even be useless.
You should just spend in some activities, otherwise, all the NoFap and semen retention purposes just start to seem pointless, as a sort of castration and punishment we do to ourselves.
That's just toxic and depressive, so watch out what you do with your sexual energy.