THE INTERSTELLAR CHALLENGE !

In just one hour, I will be 17 days clean from P and 12 days clean from MO. This morning was the latest I have gotten up in a few days at 9:45AM. I slept through my 8AM Spanish class which really sucked, and in the past I would have PMO'd to deal with the shame I felt from missing something I signed up for. Instead, I will use it as motivation to get up between 5-6:30AM so that I can start my day off right and not miss anymore appointments. I will be starting work at 8:30AM Monday through Thursday starting in a week and a half and I will work until 6pm Monday to Wednesday and 3pm Thursdays. That will not leave a ton of time for fun things, so I will need to get up early those days so that I have a time to shower, meditate, and hopefully work on my novel for two hours. That will also mean that Monday to Wednesday, if I go to sleep at 9pm, I will only have three hours to study for my proficiency exams, eat dinner, and decompress before I go to sleep. I will barely have any time in the day to do my goals, so I will have to make that time count. It will lead to little time for PMO or MO, however, that means that I have to be hyper cognizant during down times, as when I am stressed, I am more likely to PMO. I am really nervous about finishing studying for the proficiency exams, and though I know that I need to prioritize one of them over the other, if I can pass both, it will advance my career greatly this fall. After I post on the various challenges I am a part of on NoFap, I am going to sign off the computer for the night, work on some thank you notes, eat dinner and go to bed. Today is a bit of a wash, and I am not feeling well, so I am not going to press it, and instead I am going to just rest for the evening and be up before the sun tomorrow morning.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

Your doing great keep at it!

 

Day 17 no P
Day 12 no MO

I had a close call last night where I got triggered by a reoccurring thought and I started to search. Not explicitly for P or P-subs, though that was a thought on my mind. I saw a bunch of distracting things, nothing sexual or triggering, but the last thing I saw for about five seconds was NSFW drawings and I was overcome with this feeling of nausea. It was not that explicit, but the realization that I was even searching for things to distract my overwhelmed brain (I had had a long day, especially with waking up late and then getting things figured out for work), and I stopped. I was trembling as I quickly closed the app, and I sat there shook. I had promised myself no peeking or fishing, and I did. Not for long, but I did. And I wanted to throw up in disgust. I just sat there wanting to cry, wanting to pull up actual P and wanting to PMO/MO. However, I did not. I just sat there, my heart racing, my eyes watering, my breath short and quick. But then my mom who was in the living room with my family called to me and said I should dance with her. So I did, and I put on AC/DC and rocked out until I was out of breath. Then my sister put on a comedy game show from Britain and we laughed for two hours and I went to bed at 11pm. Got up today just before 8am for my class and then I still feeling ill I took an nap from 10AM-12PM. Then I went out with my mom to get a gift for my dad for Father's Day (a massage gift certificate), and then picked up my prescriptions from the pharmacy. I took an ice cold shower when I got back and now I am eating a late lunch at 2:30PM.

So what did I learn from last night?
Well, I realized that I am an emotional PMO/MO user, that when I have a really rough day, I just need to close my laptop and walk away for the day, no devices, and just hang out with my family. It was a wake-up call because I thought I would be able to stop myself from fishing, but I was not completely aware of what I was doing until I came across the crude drawings. It also made me realize that my zero-tolerance for fishing and peeking has to be slightly adjusted, because I stopped in the moment that would have been my breaking point in the past. That is a success. I stopped the moment the drawings appeared instead of looking for actually stimulating material. With that said, it is my future goal to stop before I even start searching whether that be in a conscientious fishing or searching for distractions. As I said above, I was not explicitly search for P or P-subs, but I was not not doing that either. I was just trying to get this reoccurring thought out of my head, and instead of deciding to reach out to an accountability partner about my stress, I made the conscious decision to go online. So whether I was intentionally looking for P/P-subs or not does not matter. I was still trying to use media to reduce my stress, and that is something I do not want to do.

In a way, I am proud of myself for stopping, but I am also upset because I cannot say for certain that had I not gone and danced with my mom that I would not have relapsed, and that makes me sick. I honestly just want to cry and cry and cry. I did not relapse, but I feel like I would have if things played out slightly differently and it reminds me that I am not free yet. I might be going on half a month hard mode, but it is still so easy to fall. I was not getting complacent per se, I was just broken down from the day and P/P-subs, and non-sexual, but just as stimulating, media have traditionally been my go to for stress relief. No stress relief here though. I still feel wound up, and I am need to do something to deal with the stress because if I do not, I will relapse, and it will be bad.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

Day 20 no PMO

Day 15 no MO

I believe that makes me an astronaut now, @hoping_cannon
I have not posted in three days due to being incredibly busy, but it is now Saturday night. I am writing some thank you notes, eating my mom's meatloaf, and watching Shrek. I start one job Monday, and my other job the following Tuesday, and it seems like someday I will be able to own my own franchise if I play my cards right which is really cool.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

Day 15 am an astronaut again!

@Mathman1994 it's wonderful seeing the progress you are making. Your leaping through time and space itself in terms of improvement. Keep it up mate.

 

How is our dear leader @hoping_cannon

 

Thank you. It was not all that long ago (before my current streak) that I was considering quitting the challenges and MOing when I felt like it thinking to myself that it was more important to beat the porn and porn-sub addiction before tackling MO. But I have since proved to myself that I can both do no PMO and no MO. I am now on day 16 and well on my way to Reaching Endurance.

Thank you for your support!

Best,
Mathman1994

 

Thank you. I am realizing again and again that I normally have no desire to PMO or MO, but when I am stressed, or upset, that that is all I can think about. That means that I just need to focus on relaxing (in a non-PMO/MO manner) when I am stressed, and put my devices away. I can always play on my Nintendo DS or my Switch because I do not have internet access on those. (I put a password on the internet on my DS and then proceeded to forget it. I chose one that I would find impossible remembering after a couple days, so now all I can do is play Pokemon). That I am thinking will be my main stress reliever for now.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

Day 22 no P
Day 17 no MO

I had my first wet dream in a couple months last night. I did not take my sleeping pill last night (though I took the rest of my night meds). I know that I will be unable to sleep generally, but I was trying to see if I could reset my sleep schedule so that I would get up at 5am and stay up until 9pm tonight. Needless to say, I got up at 8am, and then have napped throughout the day. With that said, as I mentioned above, I had a wet dream, so that means I did sleep at least for a little bit, though all I remember was being in the dream and having to pee so I sat on the toilet, but instead of pee coming out, I ejaculated. There was literally nothing sexual about the dream. I was not looking at P in the dream. I was not MOing in the dream either, I was just peeing. Needless to say, I was so drenched in sweat from my insomniac night that I did not realize I had ejaculated until I smelled the eject. It was gross, but still a good reminder of how far I have come since one does not have wet dreams unless they are doing well in recovery. I feel like this time is the time to be clean, and that I am finally on the right path. My daytime routine is still messed up, but I am recovering and that is amazing.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

Day 23 no P
Day 18 no MO

I had some urges to MO earlier today. Was watching some scenes from a movie on a streaming service that was supposed to be funny, but it was not and there was some nudity. Anyway, I watched the movie for a few minutes, but it occurred to me that the only reason there was nudity in it was to detract from the fact that the movie is poorly written, and that was disappointing as the trailer looked like it could be good. For now, I am trying to avoid movies/tv shows with nudity as I am just starting my recovery, and though I found it less triggering than I would in the past, it did briefly occur to my to throw in the towel and relapse. However this group (and a couple others) kept me going as I did not want to come on here and say that I screwed up and relapsed, so I turned off the movie and went to a meeting for porn addicts instead. Now I am still clean, having made it through yet another challenge. I am proud of that because sometimes we see triggering stuff, and we have a choice, give into the urges it elicits, or come on here/talk to an accountability partner instead. I keep thinking about how I am 14 days away from beating my hard mode record (at least in recent history), and I do not want to throw that all away for a quick release of dopamine. It is not worth it.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

The progress you have made is amazing!
Great insights on the movies. I'm also contemplating ditching any movies and television for a while.
So no harm in just avoiding it for a while until your stronger. And you may just find other activities become more inviting like reading or maths videos. Great stuff it makes me very happy reading your reports now brother.

 

Thank you @Henryforward

I am officially on day 19 and in less than 24 hours, I will be reaching endurance. However, I am posting now as I will be on vacation until Monday in rural Wisconsin away from any reasonable semblance of an internet connection. My uncle has internet as he lives up there, and I will be hoping on his wi-fi on Friday for a mandatory work meeting, but I am going to try to limit my internet access while up there, as it is a vacation and that means a vacation from all stressors including the internet. No streaming services. No social media (not that I am on there much anyway). No browsing for a few days. And of course, NoFap. I will bring some books and do a lot of reading while I am up there. It will be about three and a half to four hour car ride, so I will stream wi-fi from my phone to do anything urgent so that I can spend a relatively device free weekend up there.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

Day 20 - Reaching Endurance @hoping_cannon

I am still on vacation, just updating my level for the day. Had a wet dream this morning, and the great thing was that I was not looking at porn or masturbating in my dream. In fact, I was just being sexually active, which though I have not actually experienced that, it does not matter because my dream was not about PMO or MO and that means I am starting to dissociate sexual arousal from P and M.

best,
Mathman1994

 

Day 21.

Amazing progress my Friend @Mathman1994
All three of us have come so far since this thread began! @hoping_cannon
Honored to be walking this journey with you both. Keep it up.

 

hey guys ! i'm joining! @hoping_cannon
i'm at day 0 ;-; and i realised something has to change, was playing ard on nofap and found the events and challenges section. didnt know there were such interesting things going on here
i read the novelization of 'Interstellar' and i think it's great, i cried multiples times and was fascinated by the science and everything, it's a work of art .

 

It has definitely been great. I am now on day 22 and still on vacation. A couple nights ago, I was up late and I was on my phone after everyone else went to bed. Had I not promised myself not to Fap while up here, I might have, but after about half an hour of watching YouTube videos, I went to bed. I still have some urges to engage in my old behavior. Sometimes even start to do it, but it does not for me. And by that I mean, I got dopamine hits from just searching in the past or even thinking about searching, and now I just get bored thinking about searching or starting to search, so I do not go any further. It is convenient, but not I just want to not even start searching period, I suppose that will come some day.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

Had an urge to pmo last night but i waved it off because i wanna rank up fast