50 days PMO

Situation:
-I am the son of a narcistic mother. Won't go deeper into it. 25 years on porn, ever since the old Usenet, when it took 3 hours to download ten files to unzip them and watch the movie. Some years later I had ejaculation problems... I know where that came from...
- I am addicted to fapping/porn, games, music and news. No drugs, no smoking, no alcohol, no pills, no depression... I have done a lot of sports/working out (on the positive site). I blocked the porn & games sites, but the addict in me always finds a loophole. Tired to do this constant fighting, I cancelled my internet connection for as long as I feel addicted. I go to public libraries for internet.

Problems due to fapping:
1) Memory issues/brainfog, which is not easy when you communicate face-to-face.
2) Sometimes feeling unstable (in a non-violent way).
3) Antisocial (?)
4) I read a long time ago, that youngsters fap, when they are in a bad family situation, like no security from parents. I believe I am in this category.

I have tried to stop many times. Only ones i made it for 4 weeks, several times I had to break up my attempts, cause I couldn't function anymore. The point is: I was/am functioning, but on a sick level. Like drug addicts, when they are in a sudden need of their drug.

50 days = roughly 7 weeks
Start may 1st: made it only for 1 week. I was about to explode, so I failed. But I was facing severe memory problems, so tried again on fri, may 14th. With success.

Week 1: I was very often in a first week, so these withdrawel symptoms are not part of my imagination. They always come back when I try to stop: a strange oversensitive feeling in the top back side of my head, nose feels itchy/sensitive, and the same goes for my genitals. Brain fog is taking over, memory issues are getting worse. I do not function.

Week 2: every withdrawel symptom is getting worse. I am getting a bit paranoid, the thinking is almost impossible, my memory skills are almost zero, and I try to avoid face-to-face communication. I wake up with a boner everyday. The withdrawel symptoms of week 1 are still there, especially the one in the top back of my head. It feels like my skull is bit more flat on that part. Sounds strange, but I have it everytime when I try to stop fapping, so... Also: I did some drugs in my life, not much, but I remember the moment the high was over and I was coming back to earth again. The coming down. That is how it felt to me in week 2. It felt like I was between those 2 moments. I know what I am doing, and why I am in this situation, so I keep that in the back of my head/toughts.

Week 3: Nervousness, unrest, no concentration, couldn't stay still, cannot read a book, sleep issues, a roller coaster, followed by being down in the evening, a grey feeling, empty life kind of thougts. Nose and back of my head: still sensitive. Some days I feel better. Some better concentration/focus. Sleeping is getting better in that situation. I am taking extra vitamine D, cause IMO the no fapping makes your cortisol levels going through the roof. How many of us fap, to fall asleep? Fapping makes your cortisol levels going down. Cortisol is the stress hormone. It fights with vit D. So, vit D is the solution (IMO) if you have sleep issues due to no fapping.
I read it takes a minimum of 18 days to get a new habit, up to +200 days. So I made the 18 days in this week. In this week, certain days are better than the other ones. That is positive evolution.

Week 4: my jokes are terrible, memory is bad, there is still nervousness at times, reading is difficult. I have no internet, so I am trying something else: to study German. But I am so irritated and then down, and no idea why. I am so irritated, I can only read 5 minutes, study german for 5 minutes, and play guitar for 5 minutes. Then I start over. It is so crazy. In this week, I had a migraine. But this one was different. I had plenty of migraines this year. I am getting migraines... bizarre... ever since I discovered porn on the internet. I never thought there was a connection. But in this week, I had a migraine only in the right part of my brain. That is new. Usually it is a full brain migraine, and followed by 2 others, and some more the next day. Not then... While I was in a situation of getting one migraine/week before nofap, this half one was the only migraine I had in those 50 days. So, it would be great if it turns out that my migraines stays away. The withdrawel symptoms of the first weeks are finally colling off. I feel my prefrontal cortex. Like I feel my brain. And I still wake up with a boner every morning. And I keep thinking about having sex. Obession thoughts. But I must keep my discipline... By the end of this week, I have a different sensation in my fingers and toes. Like they were a bit swollen before, and they are not any longer. Perhaps one of those nervous system things that are healing?

Week 5: Cognitive, there is improvement. More relaxed, better memory, better concentration, but there is still a lot of room for improvement. I did had a real hard time one night, it was like a brutal force of nature that took over, and I nearly lost my discipline. I lost it almost. It came from within me, and it was all about sex. Free will? Gone! It lasted for 10 minutes. Like, it was some sort of a brain chemical tsunami. The next day, I was totally down as a reaction to the day before. The days were like ups and downs. I did not have a period like that before the nofap. The ups and down and constant thinking of sex is draining me. But they are withdrawel symtoms. I must not forget that. I am going cold turkey here. Memory is still bad.

Week 6: Sleeping is getting better, I lost some weight, because of nofap (?), my head/thoughts is/are becoming clearer, certain withdrawel symptoms are gone, but not the boner when I wake up. I still have compulsive sex thoughts. But I am feeling better.

Week 7: Better concentration, clearer head. I would say I gained 10%, which leaves enough room for improvement. I have a real bad habit with names. That improved. Can remember things better, I am a bit less forgetful. Still moments of getting down, still have compulsive thoughts of having sex. When I read a book, 50% of the time I am reading, and the other 50% I am thinking about sex. The pain/sensitivity in the beck of my head is gone. My nose is not itchy/oversensitive anymore. Better memory. My memory was real bad before NoFap. I could put a train ticket in my wallet and 5 minutes later, looking all over the place for my train ticket. But this week, it was like... where the hell is my train ticket, but 20 seconds later, I knew where it was... That is improvement. When I fap, very often, I had leg cramps. No leg cramps any longer. IMO: I am using less magnesium.

Conclusion
I am going for the next 50 days now. I will not quit this experiment. It is easier now, than in the beginning. But I have better concentration, better focus, better memory, but I still need to fight off these obessive thoughts about sex. I need to work on that. I had a vit D chronical shortage for a long long time, cause I wasn't aware of it. It took me 2 years, before I was healed. I know i will not heal of a +25years addiction in only 50 days. But these 50 days feel like a plus to me. It feels like the worse of nofap is behind me, the irritation and nervousness is gone, but I have still a long road to go. Up towards 100 days!