The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Checking in. Lots of failures over the past week, but I feel like the fever has finally broken. Yesterday was an incredible day, fully focused and present, and today feels great as well. I'm doing my best to go full dopamine detox, outside of what I have to do for my work. No web browser on my phone, computer stays off unless I'm working. Cleaned my house top to bottom. Held my breath for 3.5 minutes this morning. Cold showers. Playing lots of guitar, exercising and socializing. Remembering who my best self is and acting from his intentions. It feels so incredibly good to finally be present in my body again, to have a peaceful mind, after two weeks of feeling insane and out of control. Now it's up to me to continue making the decisions that support that mindset, rather than sabotage it. I am very, very far from being out of the woods here, just a filthy orc, but at least I can see the meadow in the distance and remember which way to walk.

How the past two weeks have felt:

 

Day 5

 

I understand. I have been strugggling with this for somtime now. I have my goals set, apart from the day job. It's just not sufficient. This lifestyle requires a big chunk of time to be dedicated to physical exercise. I don't find that of interest. I'm more inclined towards financial goals and other such activities. 2 hours from a day to physical movement is too much a ask.

I have to find a way out this loop. I'm watching that video.
Thanks a tonn!

 

So how will I do the fast? I decided for OMD (one meal per day) - this way I‘ll still get some calories and nutrients but it will be easier to eat only healthy food. Also: no juices, coffee or alcohol. I want to lessen my dependence to these things and also have more time and focus on other things. How long? I hope a full week, but let’s say, for starters, three days.

 

Congrats!!!
To celbrate this I‘ll have a cold shower too, in the morning (promise!)

 

Good to be back... Well, not good to be back lol, but you get what I mean. Got clean, beat pied. Had the craziest/ fun period of my life. But just recently got back to old habits. Starting again today.

 

Day 1 - Orc

I MO'd two nights ago after trying desperately to find P on my various devices. It was a reset. Then yesterday, a little over 24 hours ago, I found P and had a full 10 minute PMO session. Not my proudest moment, and I used the excuse that I started with a recovery coach and week 1 is "Goodbye Porn" with the rules that if you look at porn, no worries, if you don't great, just don't binge. Anyway, I have been trying to abstain for a year now, and I should not have used the excuse of the new program to PMO, but I did. No regrets though. At least in terms of where shame is involved. I made the decision to PMO (taking the lock off my smart tv, which I did because this new coach discussed how his program worked and I thought, "how do I know if I am recovering if I have no choice in whether I PMO or not?"). As it is, we shall see how my decision plays out in the coming weeks, but I made it 24 hours, so that is great. With that said, I woke up with strong urges, so I stepped into the shower, turned on the cold water and showered for 10 minutes without heat. Was it pleasant? No, but it did kill the urges. Unfortunately, due to constraints on water, I allow myself no more than one shower a day, so when I got home half an hour ago from a long walk, I had strong urges, but I had to find some other way to combat them. Luckily I did, and in half an hour, I will write for two hours before dinner, then I have a meeting at 7PM for NoFap, and then I will go to bed at 8/8:30PM and while my goal has been to get up at 4am, I have been waking up earlier, telling myself "I will get up with my alarm" and then I do not. So as long as I wake up between 2am and 4am before my alarm, I will get up for the day and start writing/doing math homework. I should then have my "mid-morning" crash at 6am, and if I lay down for an hour, so be it, but the goal is to maintain consciousness for the day. So tomorrow, I will set out my clothes, get up when I wake up, and start my day. As it is, I have accomplished my morning and early afternoon goals already, so now I just have my late afternoon and evening goals to accomplish.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

day 13 Plant in yourself what you want to flourish in others.

 

Day 31,

Im an Elf now and I fished for the first time on this streak yesterday. Not only are urges hitting, big life questions are rolling over me like a hurricane's storm surge. The fishing sesh lasted no more than a minute and felt like a tantrum. Recentering myself, not letting yesterday get me down, just want to feel "normal" again. It feels as if my angsty 16 year old self is reemerging xD

Best to you all, just wanted to hold myself accountable and vent a little.

Onwards and upwards Fellowship!

 

Day 0- slipped again. Damn.

Bad sleep, up too late, too much alcohol, too much internet activity. Not enough research/writing, not enough prayer, not enough meditation, not enough exercise.

It's pretty simple when you stop to think about it, but it's not easy.

 

Thanks! I'm not done yet.

 

Day 5.
After work played pool with my friend. Since today has stopped scrolling social media, because there images of girls in lingerie and it's provoke.

 

You've learned a valuable lesson, friend.

 

Yes exactly brother, its a long road. Cultivate patience in the face of the withdrawal symptoms. When you've overcome them for good, you will be extremely happy of your choice to hold in, on those more challenging days.

 

Checking in Fellowship friends!

269 Days free from porn, 197 days free from MO.

I've had some pretty strong urges this week, it was in relation to some extreme discomfort. Also end of July to November over last year was when my addiction was at its worst. I suspect a difficult few months ahead, but an extremely rewarding growth.

 

One more day... Then I return to the Shire and reclaim my status as a Hobbit!