30 days in, and it's been a ride (bisexual male)

Hello everyone, I'm new on this website but happy to share some success with NoFap. I see that there aren't many stories of bisexual/gay guys on this website so I hope to add to that.

I've been trying to quit porn for at least 2 years. I think I was 16 or 17 when I thought to myself that I should stop PMO before getting addicted but didn't really want to stop until I was 25.

Like many of you, I struggled (struggle) with PIED. Porn became a way for me to wash away negative emotions and problems I didn't want to face head on. As a bisexual male, I dealt with a lot of shame about my sexuality, and didn't want to put myself out there for real sexual opportunities with guys. Porn was a perfect way for me to explore the other side of my sexuality without risking social rejection from family and peers. I also used porn when I felt overwhelmed, whether that was from family issues or responsibilities like school work. It became a negative cycle as PMO relieved my stress and helped me explore my sexuality but also took away my motivation and strength to advocate for myself (and learn about myself).

I didn't realize I used porn in this way until recently. Lots of contemplation got me here which I recommend others should do. I think PMO fulfills a need in our lives and it's important to do the work to figure out what that is. And to remember: be kind to yourself; show compassion. Be the adult and mentor you wish your childhood self had. No judgment — just radical openness and compassion.

Anyway, it's been a ride! The first week felt easy enough, but I began experiencing lots of anxiety around days 16-22. I started to get to know my feelings and read a user's post on here (I believe their name was rising_phoenix?) to see if others experienced this anxiety. His story really helped me cultivate faith in the process and I'm very grateful I listened.

I can say that now at day 30 I feel like my brain is changing. I'm more focussed, able to ask for what I need from people, express my emotions truly, and have a general sense of contentedness. I have a great friend who I'm sexual with that is extremely supportive of this journey; we've messed around twice during this 30 day journey. They're amazingly open at trying different positions so that I can learn what feels good to me during sex. Still lose my erection, get nervous, get into my head instead of being present but I'm hopeful that this will improve as I continue with NoFap.

I think for a lot of us, we lose that connection to our bodies and rely on a voyeur experience to reach orgasm. The goal for me is to become completely present with my sexual partner so that we can both enjoy ourselves completely. I want to move away from a performance mindset and mental images during sex — I think I can get there in time.

I've decided to simply let go of porn indefinitely. I don't think it's good for us. But my goal is also not to masturbate for 90 days and only experience sex with another person. I'll keep everyone updated when I get there!

Best wishes to everyone!

 

I like that thought, thanks for making me feel like I’m not the odd one out! And thanks for the kind words.

 

It's been really great, I feel more assertive and lots of sexual vigor right now lol. Keep going! September 15th is almost here