i dont feel like myself when i relapse

Maybe it's because the addicted mind led you to relapse, that's why. You see, it's the brain that craves for dopamine and wants that sexual release, not you. You'd rather decide when to have a sexual release and not be a slave to urges, but the brain wants that dopamine and therefore leads you to relapse. Willpower is offuscated when someone relapses, but if you are strong enough, then your willpower is intact.
A tip to overcome urges is to tell your brain: hey, you seek pleasure? Then wait for 3 months and the pleasure will be greater. When the urges are strong, think about how greater the pleasure will be after 3 months of not watching porn. When those 3 months pass, you'll most likely forget about porn all along or if you don't and you relapse, your 3 months progress is not gone and after the relapse you can wait 3 months again until eventually your desire to watch porn is gone forever.

 

On day 15 now on of no P, and was on the "edge" all day. Reading this post made me feel better.

 

As in, you don't feel like yourself which leads you to reset/relapse, or you don't feel like yourself after you reset?

I know I feel more like myself now, at 44 days, then I do when I'm relapsed or 14 days from reset.

 

yup after every relapse I feel that way, It's like my soul is going somewhere and my body is just a hollow shell. However I continue my nofap and so far it's been good