The Lord of the Rings Challenge

84 days.

Long day of work, feeling excited, confused and slightly stressed at the same time. Been lacking in sleep the past three nights now, need to go to bed earlier.

 

2 days

 

DAY 24 TUESDAY. Today i experienced 5th Nocturnal Emission in this 24 days streak , two days in a row.

 

Day 11

I think that we have all learned that ourselves at some point. That the relapse starts a couple of days before we click the first picture that we know that we should not click on.

It’s a feeling of appending doom that just grows in you for days and at the end it’s almost a relive to break down.

Yesterday I’ve was there, I was somewhere between fishing and edging. If I was a perfect man I would have restarted the counter already because even though it wasn’t P, I was still engaged in something wrong and on some level I know it.

After a time, I came back to my sense and wrote both here and to my OP and that helped to release some of the pressure, and I ended up doing a lot of good. went for a run, cleaned the house and study German for a time.

But now it’s morning and I’m getting this feeling again. I’m studying right now in a safe environment and all I can think about is to just get up, drive all the way back home and lock myself in a binge session that would destroy my day and probably the rest of the week.

And it’s shit.

I’m still strong enough to fight it, but at the same time I feel weaker and weaker with every passing hour.


@garmenclyde, thank you for all your help brother. On some level I feel some responsibility for your slip up. I think that the fact that we used the word “nsfw trigger” was a trigger itself. Because the stuff we wrote might have been viewed as less dangerous if we would have not decided to claim it is a trigger. It’s kind of a self fulfilling prophecy. The best tip I can give you right now is just stay away from your phone for the next 72 hours as much as possible. Other than that, you are doing great and this slipup would not be the thing to stop your growth

 

406 days high king
482 days no PMO, semen retention

 

Day 39

 

Day 6 completed

 

Two things triggered me. First to remember sex with my first girl and then BJ's. Suddenly I had one specific picture on my mind, from a porn clip. I have to learn to cope with it. Ok, there's a certain picture and a sensation. That happens often so why did I relapse? Because the setting was optimal for pmo, a good opportunity. So I have to watch out for that too. Especially for the combination of both (craving & opportunity / set & setting)

 

Daily checking in
Some struggles with the p-subs

 

Relapse.

I did the one thing that I know I shouldn’t do.

I tried to focus on other stuff, and did a mindful meditation walk and took some time off to try and calm dawn.

At one point I realize that I was near the health clinic so out of optimism I just popped in and asked them to give me an anti covid booster and they just had a couple of shots left that was about to expire so they gave me a shot even though I’m not on the recipient group.

But then me hand started to hurt, and I told myself that “there no why that I could study like this” so I want back home and I think that I’ve started taking down my pants before I even went through the door.

I watched porn for a couple of hours for no other reason except that I wanted. I truly wanted.

This morning I’ve started reading the tips @riseToGreatnes have wrote and somehow it made me feel unworthy. I still don’t hate it enough to be over it once and for all. And that feeling is a feeling I truly hate.

So I’m back to 0. I’m kind of sad. And I’m even more sad to know that the course sentence “just one more PMO before I’ll start the new streak” make perfect sense to me right now even though I know It’s a lie.

 

..but maybe if I watch a little porn ... Oh the irony! Bad bad brain!

ok it happened. So make sure that your next streak will be longer!

But it's great that you got yourself the covid-booster. You may be the only one on this page who already got it! Or one of very few.

But negative emotions don't necessarily amount to much in recovery ...

 

I don't think to reset the counter is the best thing to do. It's more important to identify this craving that reaches over days and do something so that the full relapse later on is prevented.
When you find out what you need to do and do it then I think you can keep your streak and you head high.

 

GUYS, I KNOW I HAVENT POSTED IN 10 DAYS (thanks university) BUT I'M A HOBBIT

 

The days are being longer then the usual. I haven't been sleeping well and it started to make me feel a little dizzy and slow throughout the day. I need to restore my sleep URGENTLY, cuz I know I get least resilient when I'm tired. My next exam is in 3 months, the most important of the year. I've trying to internalize it without feeling overwhelmed, since that feeling is my biggest trigger.

 

Day 24!

“You step into the Road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to.”

 

day 48- elf

 

Day 54
Sorry couldn't update due to busy schedule yesterday and today

 

Thanks, man! It means a lot =)

I like it! There is a peace of mind that comes from doing what you know you should be doing. I would add to it though that there's also a small... readiness/awareness too. In a way, it's the warrior spirit. A peace that it will all be what it will be, but a readiness to face whatever comes. I think that readiness is important to not get complacent and to be slightly on guard against urges and bad situations.

 

I kinda can't believe it. But I'm actually on day nine.

I must be careful now. I had a great urge last night while laying in bed to click on something that I shouldn't. Gratefully, I saw the crossroads for what it was and chose the road less traveled for me. The road of recovery haha. Hopefully, with every crossroads that I come to and pick the "road of recovery," it will become easier.