Is this normal? What I suppose to do?

first of all, the good thing you are doing right now is that you are talking about it, recognising your problem is the first step, it allows you to detach yourself from it : you are not your problem...

 

the question is, when you imagine yourself "having a relationship/sex" with a man how do you feel ? (aside from wrong)

 

if your "heart" (i mean your emotions) falls in love for women, you probably are romantically attracted to women...

as far as your "homosexual kink" (please forgive me, i was trying to put a name, you can find a better one if you want to) you know you have the right to think about things like that, i have seen some weird things on Hentai websites too !

the good thing when you think about things like that is that you are not actually doing them, so you can just look at what you are thinking and ask yourself : "what is happening ?" "is it relevant ?"

maybe i am not right by the way, but could that be an option ? could just pay attention to your emotions when you think about those things ?

(also by the way, you have watched porn for quite some years, you are used to have these homoerotic pictures in your head, so that's no surprise)

 

This disturbing feeling is just a fear. You are too afraid of being a gay. If you think about bad things you feel bad, that's it.

 

I think what you experienced is fairly common. i see a lot of postings on these message boards that say they started with regular porn and moved onto trans porn and then gay porn. It's needing that fix that causes you to do that. Like you said the regular porn gets boring so you move onto something more extreme. I know in the past my behavior followed that same pattern. Like you, I even questioned my sexuality. As I've committed to NoFap and watched less porn over the last 2-3 months, I have seen those thoughts about men disappear. I only picture myself with women sexually and dating women. It's clear to me it was porn that messed up my head and now it's getting straightened out.

I think the best thing you can do right now is to work on stop watching porn. Like me you may find that attraction to men disappears. If after a while the feelings are still there about men, then being gay or bi might be something you need to consider. And that's okay if that is who you are. No one should tell you that it is wrong.

one final recommendation, if you are having thoughts of suicide please please please seek professional help. There are a lot of resources out there, and talk to a professional.

 

it's a good idea.

 

Just my thoughts and opinions:
it's happening now because your addiction has gotten worse over the years. Unfortunately as porn addicts we are no different then the drug addict that started with recreational marijuana, then moved onto cocaine, and is now a heroin addict. They kept chasing that fix that got more extreme over the years and that is where you are at. Porn has messed with your head and just like a drug addict you need to stop using and start to recover. As i stated before if you stop watching porn you may feel these desires and thoughts disappear. Take it one day at a time and try to build that streak to 4 days, and then 5 days.

 

I love that you have identified that it doesn't feel natural. The creeping effect of addiction is such that it makes us "want" things that we don't truly want. You're still there man, you just have this parasitic addiction hijacking your thinking. This book (free on this webpage) was immensely helpful for me. It is repetitive but it is meant to be so. It will deconstruct the way you think about addiction. I very very highly recommend reading it.

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Best wishes.

 

There are some who are adamant that, despite years of watching only straight P, despite always assuming you were straight, despite your years of attraction to women, despite only picturing yourself with a woman, despite the "wrong" feeling you get when you think about S with a man, despite lack of attraction to real life men, and despite the fact that this habit began only after years of escalating addiction to P... you must be gay and are denying your true nature.
There are others that will tell you, despite your watching gay P and your current, conflicted feelings, despite your lack of relationships with any real women, you are absolutely not gay or bi.

All I'm going to say is, quit P and see how you feel after that.

P messes with you. P removes the need to seek out a real romantic/sexual relationship. Why take that kind of risk? You're getting off, regularly, to whatever you want to see. P also undermines your confidence, and your emotional intelligence. It skews your perceptions of women and S, and romantic relationships. You are a young guy, you have plenty of time to figure this stuff out, but not while using P. It will keep you blind to yourself and others.

I know exactly how that feels. I learned it's not enough to hate it. You have to understand what the addiction really is, and what the effective ways to combating it are.

Short story, it's an addiction to excessive dopamine on demand. The way to fix it is to replace the dopamine you get through P with healthy alternatives, to replace the time and energy you spent on P with healthy choices, and to guard your mind. I strongly recommend reading up on Porn Addiction Basics, starting a journal, and using the community as an accountability and as a resource for quitting. This is something I didn't have when I was your same age, and something I used to get my current streak.

Best of luck to you

 

Porn and its twisted effects are far from normal; hence, what you describe may be common, as are mental illnesses or environmental woundedness, but it is not normal. But, as with any metal illness or abuse, we can seek recovery, health, and better ways of thinking.

 

is there any external pressure against being gay? Why is it being gay bothers you so much? Because of your Family? Friends?

 

C'est un phénomène tout a fait normal ne soyez pas inquiet
Le cerveau est très complexe
La pornographie est comme le jeux vidéo
Certains sont tellement addict au jeux de violence depuis des années que malheureusement leur cerveau pense que c'est la réalité pour cela que nous voyons des jeunes malheureusement commettre des fusillades dans des écoles ou autre leur cerveau est tellement imprégné de violence dans les jeux vidéo qu'ils pensent que c'est la réalité
Le porno est identique tellement notre cerveau est enregistré de choses dégoutant a un moment donné on veut réalisé ces choses dégoutantes
La seule solution est de se séparer du porno c'est très dur c'est vrai
Mais plus c'est dur plus le bonheur sera immense
Parfois pour guérir de certaines maladies on doit subir desopérations chirurgicales épuisantes ou prendre des médicaments affreux mais pour avoir un meilleur bonheur
Ne sois pas inquiet et bat toi comme un homme bro

 

Beaucoup sont restés des heures et des heures devant leur ordinateur a tué des gens ds les jeux et pendant des années leur cerveau n'a plus assimilé le vrai du faux ils on voulu réalisé ce que leur cerveau côtoyaient depuis des années

 

This is going to sound uncomfortable…. But maybe try dating a man and see how you feel…. Maybe even try to kiss him… If you don’t like the date then you know you’re not gay and you can get this out of your head.

If you do like the date, great! No hard feelings now you know you’re bisexual. I think at some point you were taught this was an issue or somehow someway there’s something “wrong with you”. I believe you supposed any homosexual thoughts because that’s what most of us are taught.

Just try dealing with a man and see how you feel. If you don’t enjoy yourself when you go out or don’t find yourself sexually attracted to the man, then you’re not gay. If the confusing thoughts occur after this maybe seek professional counseling.