Is this the flatline?

Hey guys, I've had depression and anxiety most of my life, so it's a bit hard to exactly know when I actually hit a flatline.

I've decided to only quit porn and Masturate once a week, and it's working well for me. I've tried doing hard mode twice, but it never quite worked for me, it made me very sick, my balls hurt so damn much, and I was starting to get into other bad habbits (such as eating a lot due to how unwell I was feeling)

In my entire 20 days, I've only seen porn twice, both my own fault, but I never looked long, so I feel good about myself. (first time was a minute, second time was about...like...15 seconds? I'll get into that in a bit, as that's what kind of made me type this out)

I...don't feel well, but not like usual, I'm very tired, and I don't really get pleasure from anything for the last two days. Normally, that would make me think I hit the flatline. BUT! and this is the big but...

...I had cravings for porn and sex, but ironically though, not even porn makes me feel anything, hence why I closed it after about 15 seconds today.

Before, about a week or two ago, I remember seeing some images (again, my own fault) and damn, my heart litterly hurt and I had an electric shock move through my body, it was nearly umbarable, I thought I was going to die if I did not act. I had to be concious the entire day to not relapse, and luckily, I didin't.

But now It...does not give me a jolt, it does not make me feel good....I feel really depressed and shit, and I really, really thought porn would at least give me a joilt, but...nothing. I feel nothing, I just want to cry, but I can't even do that. I feel so demotivated and tired.

Is this normal for a flatline? It's only 3 weeks by tomorrow, am I supposed to feel this distant to porn already? if so, It's good and I'm happy beacuse of it, but I thought a flatline was supposed to be a point where you no longer think about sex? as in you have no labido...but I still do...I just don't want to do anything about it right now.

It's a strange feeling XD

anyway guys, let me know.
Tomorrow is three weeks! exciting times!

I did update my badge to 20 days. Just give it a bit.

 

Thank you for your reply.

I did try, but it always leads me to watching p, beacuse my urges get so heavy that I can't do anything else but shake, lights even start to flicker, I get really, really sick, and with my honours degree I just can't afford to feel like that all the time. I did M every day with P for about 3 hours. I've found, holding out as long as I can, and then when I M, not thinking about anything, and not edging, makes me improve enough for me to be content. I realize it's better to do hard mode, but for me, it's useless if I can't get past week 2 each time, I'd rather see stable improvement, even if it is little at a time.

Thank you so much for your reply again!
I am so happy I finally hit the flatline, that means I am improving!