35 and older accountability, Group 2

Hey everyone,
thank you for letting me join this group. I am coming from germany. I think as most of the people I explicitly came in contact with porn in my teenage years, around 13 years old. At this time I could understand what is happening there, I was curious and I realized porn and masturbation made fun. So I consumed it almost 20 years so far until I realized that this lifestyle affects my life not in a good way, even if PMO makes fun at this very moment. I am in a relationship since a few years, first we started with a long distance relationship where you enjoy PMO during the week, but the more time passes, the more extreme kinks you get and the more time you spend on it. I realized now, that my focus went more and more to porn and away from the partner, which is awful.
Now I am working on cutting off porn and masturbation completely. Therefore, my goal is to stay away from PMO completely for 90 days to reboot, get used to other, more useful habits and to get a working interpersonal sex life again. After these 90 days I want to stay at banning PM completely.
I just started my journey and had a streak of 18 days recently. After two relapses in the last week I realized that it is very important for me to stay away from social media, internet in general and of course mild sexual content at all. To keep on track I also started a journal (https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/age-33-started-my-journey-writing-a-journal.316892/) where I track my progress and write down good and bad things I realize during my way out of it.
It is a pleasure to meet you all and I am looking forward to be part of this group, even if I am just a beginner

 

Thank you for sharing this. This is why I stay in nofap and recovery. I struggle with porn, but I know if I went further with porn without cutting back, I’d eventually crave more until I cheated on my wife.

 

I cheated on my wife several times because of pornography. However, it was mainly because of the lust of the eyes, which turned into the lust of the flesh. My eyes could never get enough, so they kept looking for more and more. I’m free this day and praying God keeps me this way till I close my eyes one final time. I’m praying and trusting God right now to keep my marriage, but I have a lot of work to do with the Lords.

I pray that your latter days be greater that your past days. Remember we can’t change the past. God want allow us to. We can only obey the Lord and let Him govern our future… God gave us tools to overcome those test of pornography and lust. 1 The Holy Spirit. 2. Your wife (look at her body and crave her) 3. Those of us in NoFap. 4. Prayer and fasting. We have encourage each other.

 

Thanking the Master for another day free. The wife and I had a long talk tonight. Praying she forgives me for all my infidelities. Pornography wasn’t enough, I needed to keep feeding my eyes. Now I am learning to guard the. Now I say as the patriarch Job said, “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman.” Job 31:1

 

I had a setback yesterday...

 

I pray she forgives you too. I have had plenty of lust with eyes and fantasy. I have never been assertive around women and that has kept me from cheating physically. I’ve been reading this other thread here where a guy asks women out in public every day and I confess it leads me to fantasy and all the missed opportunities because I didn’t take action. Though I’m grateful too because this weakness has been a super power to not pursue opportunities even if I wanted them.

 

Right, I have to confess I disengaged with the quitting process for a few weeks for temporary reasons, but I'm back and committed to making this work. Back to the battlefield.

 

Glad you are back in the fight… It may not be easy, what war is? Just stay prayed up and ready to battle each day. I equate is as running hurdles. You may trip over a hurdle, but you have to keep getting up and looking for the finish goal line. God wishes for us to be free of porn and every other sexual desires that are not of Him . I’m going to keep seeking this Freedom daily.

Philippians 3:13-14
Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

 

Another day free… The battle is not easy at times, but learning it’s always worth it. My wife is speaking to me a little more and that’s progress. However, I must make this clear. I am not in recovery for to please her. I am in recovery to please God first, and I am in recovery for me. I can’t help anyone until I myself am helped.

 

From my journal today: Being adopted, I struggle with feeling wanted and receiving acceptance and attention from females. Whether in person or a webcam, that fake intimacy is something I didn’t have from my birth mother and each experience growing up and being rejected bywomen reinforced that. I didn’t pursue women a lot for fear ofrejection. Im happily married and loved now but the scars and wounds are still there.

 

God can remove your scars if you allow Him… Ask forgives of those sins and Jesus is faithful to forgive you. The thing now is you have to forgive yourself. That doesn’t mean you forget what satan fooled you and i into doing when followed after lustful the traps he set for us. It means use those things as a testimony of how God forgave you and is delivering you. Stand strong! Pray for me as I pray for you… With God all things are possible.

 

Thank you Jesus! Today was a battle, but you have seen me through it... Every day I learn a battle can come, and I must be ready to fight. This battle may not be in the same shape every day, so I must keep watch, and remain in prayer and ready to fight. Today, I had to get out of the house before work so I wouldn't have time alone. The Lord told me not to go back, and I listened. I sincerely believe that if I had said, as I always do, "I am strong enough," I would have stumbled upon the face. I’m learning to be obedient to the Lord, because obedience is far better than being disobedient. Disobedience only brings pain emotionally to you and those you love in the long run.

James 1:12-15
Loving God Under Trials
Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am tempted by God"; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.

 

Today was a good day… No desire for porn and no desire for ungodly sex. Still trying to fix things with my wife, but I will leave that in God’s hand and not keep trying to fix by my power. I trust God more then myself anyways…

By now Depression you and Anxiety would cause me to make foolish choices in life that I would be regretting later. However now, I’m learning the block you two fools out, and follow Faith, Joy and Gladness.

 

A beautiful day to be free from lust this day… another day free of porn

 

Today is going good when it comes to my recovery. However, I am still getting a beating from the Lord because of my sin. I have hurt the ones I love because of the pornography and sex addiction. It causes so much pain. I know God has forgiven me but it’s hard to forgive myself. If you are in this group STAY and fight till you win. If you haven’t made the mistakes I
have good! I’m begging you don’t! I may lose my wife, job, childrens respect, family respect and lively hood and more. If I am a testimony to you and cause you to run to Jesus, cause you to stay in this group, and get help however you can, then good. I would have done something positive for once. Jesus loves us all and will see us through this battle. I ask that you make Him your Lord. .… God bless and good night brothers and sisters in recovery. Excuse my typos.


Romans 10:9-13
that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. For the Scripture says, "Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame." For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him. For "whoever calls on the name of the LORD shall be saved."

 

Thanking the Lord for another day of recovery… if you have time may I ask you to listen to this sermon that a brother sent me? It truly blessed me this morning. It’s a little over an hour but that’s not bad. We can watch a ball game that doesn’t help us at all longer than that. Over watched prom through the day several times longer than that. Please watch if you get a chance.