In Flatline with a Girlfriend

My first experience with NoFap was within a relationship.

And one of the hardest things about it was getting the nerve up to tell my girlfriend what I was doing - that I had stopped masturbating and watching porn in order to try to improve myself. I was worried she would freak out. She didn't freak out. She didn't really understand it entirely, or believe it, she'd been told that guys masturbating was normal and healthy, but I asked her to be patient with me and she was.

It might be hard to broach the topic, but I recommend talking to her directly about it if you can. It will probably be a relief to her that there's a reason that you're flatlining, and it isn't that you don't love her or think she's attractive.

 

Can I ask a question?

What is stopping you from being truthful and telling her what is really going on?

 

I don't think using pills is a good idea, it's just interrupting/prolonging recovery.

If you bust your ankle you need to rest it until it's good again, you could take painkillers which will allow you to walk but what good is that doing to your ankle? Also, whilst pills may allow you to get an erection, mentally you're still not going to be all that aroused. Let's also look at it from the girl's pov. How would she feel if she found out that you had to take pills to get hard for her? I don't think that would do her self-esteem much good.

I think you should just be honest. You got addicted to porn when you were young, you've given it up but one of the side-effects of that is your sex drive disappearing while your brain rebalances. If she's not ok with that then maybe she's just not right for you.

 

Hey I want to know how it ended?
did you get back to normal and keep your love or... ?

 

What your describing is pretty normal and I've had the exact same thing happen to me.

Too much porn can wire your brain to the screen--arousal comes only with high levels of novelty that porn provides, to the point a lovely, sexy woman you're crazy about does nothing at all.

This causes anxiety, which leads to sexual anxiety which leads to performance anxiety. Which is frustrating as hell.

But there is hope!

First, don't despair. This shit is all in the head and the brain can heal. Realize and understand that you CAN best this and make the sweet love to your woman.

Stay off the porn--thats critical. You may want to use it b/c of the anxiety or to just “see if I still can get a boner.” Don't do it. You're just feeding the cycle.

Second--you need to learn to stay calm to beat the anxiety practice mindful breathing or explore various breathing techniques until you find one that works. The idea is that when you feel that anxiety, you calm yourself.

If you're not exercising regularly, start. Anything you like: weights, bike, running etc. Pick something you like and will do 3-5 times a week and set goals to hit. This will build your confidence. Invite your girl to join you--something you can “physically” share w/I the pressures of sex. Go for a run/walk together or bike ride, get sweaty and then take a shower together.

When it comes to intimacy, take your time. The kissing, caressing, touching--these are important for healing your brain. Keep doing them. Take your dick out of the equation for now. Tell her you're going to pleasure her with just your fingers. Best time use just your mouth. Read on some tantric sex. Ever given a girl a yoni massage? Try it, thank me later. Focus on kissing, touching, learning your lovers body and what she likes.

Try kerazza, which many astronauts have used to build intimacy and desire.

Go slow, and don't put pressure on yourself. Practice them every day: breathing, exercise, intimacy. It may be slow but you'll start to feel that arousal and it will grow.

Feel free to PM me if you need. You absolutely CAN beat this.

 

Man, I can relate to this. Just a word on the pills, I have tried them 3 times lately when in a big flatline. Once they really helped me out but the flatline wasn't as bad as the other two times; I managed to have sex 3 times but the first 2 attempts were pathetic. I lasted about 30 second!

The other two times I tried the pills, they did nothing but only make me feel more anxious. They don't do anything for arousal, only to prolong and keep an erection; so if in a flatline – they don't really do much. Well that was my story anyway.

I've found on this journey that libido is the last thing to come back. The mistake I made is that when the libido does come back, I go crazy and jump back to old habits as I feel crazy alive and have a surplus of energy and libido that I can barely handle. Sounds like you're on the right path.