First, I needed proof that it's a problem.

Perhaps she's right, compared to a porn addiction m isn't so bad. Maybe she thinks to tackle one problem at a time. Unassociate m from porn. It isn't going to be easy either way
Escaping from hard situations is OK, just depends what you escape to. If you can't sleep try some exercise or read a book. Make use of the time. Being bored or at a loose end doesn't mean it's pmo time.
Look for what qualifies as a porn addiction, do you fit ? If so then discount what your therapist says, not everyone believes that porn addiction is real despite tons of evidence. - Go with your gut, sounds like you know it already. Quit that shit, let's go!

 

Sounds like your therapist is a poor listener and is more interested in preserving her own beliefs about "sex-positivity" or whatever twisted ideas she has than actually helping and encouraging you to get better. I wouldn't let her opinion undermine your own conviction.

I would say that if you are tempted to watch porn and you know you're not in the frame of mind to resist entirely, then M without any P, and don't make it last more than 5-10 minutes if possible. If you do this a couple times in a row, the porn part of the addiction will be a little further away, and it might be easier to start from there. Just my experience.

 

First off, I think you should get a male therapist. Second of all, separating masturbation from pornography is a useful thing to do.

 

1. Sometimes you really have to let your therapist know the gravity of your situation. Instead of telling her "I'm having trouble with masturbating a lot", tell her "I masturbate for 8 hours a day", "I have blisters on my penis from masturbating but I cannot stop", "I masturbate at work", "I masturbate in public restrooms". You don't need to tell her exactly those things, but tell her exactly what is going on. If you tell her that MO is your primary drive in life, you go to work, make money, and eat food so you can MO more, she will begin to understand it's a problem. Tell her your use keeps escalating and you're getting to a point where your entire life is unsustainable. Don't be embarrassed or hold anything back. Really explain to her how PMO is ruining your life.

2. Ask her to check out YBOP, especially these three pages Educating your therapist, There are no scientific studies that say porn is addictive, right?, Evolution has not prepared your brain for today’s porn.

3. Tell her that despite what she thinks, your feelings are the reality for you, and you do not see a way in which increasing your PMO or keeping it the same will help out.

4. Instead of focusing more on MO, focus on porn and your habits with that. Humans have been masturbating for thousands of years with no issues; porn is causing your problems. Explain that porn is your issue, and quitting masturbation is your way of solving it. Explain to her how the two are linked in your mind. Show her the basics of rebooting and what it is supposed to do see rebooting basics page. You're a team, so get her in on the game plan

 

Interesting post.

Firstly I would say don't be afraid to change therapists if she really isn't getting it. There are a lot out there and at the end of the day they are people with their own biases and life experiences. I was with one therapist for several years before I realized he was doing nothing for my addictions and depression which were only getting worse. Finding a therapist with a specialization in addiction and sexuality is pretty key. Sounds like from your last post she is starting to 'get it' which is good, but don't feel obliged to stay with her.

In regards to your other words, I would say 'getting your house in order' before you tackle something like porn addiction is both true and false. Everything needs to be done in tandem and starts with a conscious decision to change and, more importantly, sacrifice. The same attitude that's needed to go each day without porn is also the one that should be applied to every moment you're awake. Unfortunately, that's really difficult. I would not have been able to get back on the waggon again if it wasn't for changing jobs as my last job was killing me and only left just enough time each day to indulge in something that could relax me. I don't blame anyone who struggles, as 'making sure everything is correct for you to quit porn' is very much dependent on what's going on in your life. What I'm saying is your therapist may be somewhat right when she says things like 'don't focus on quitting porn right now', as the other things in your life may be making it impossible for you to do it. In fact mine was saying similar things a few months ago ("don't be ashamed for not keeping with it", "you're under a huge amount of stress", "you can always come back to trying to beat porn" etc. etc.). Really, it sounds like you need a dramatic change in your life for the pieces to fit together, but most importantly you are aware porn is a problem you'd like to overcome, and its no longer the 'norm' but the 'exception'.

 

I know this is going to come across as sexist but just as I read "she" I knew the advice following was going to be rubbish.
As I do strongly believe, that, dopaminergic pathways aside, porn and masturbation is much more harmful for men than for women, and that a female therapist will struggle to fully grasp how bad it can really get and can dismiss it as not being so big a deal.

That said, I think @modernstore99 gave you the best feedback possible and very little can be added to it.

Also I think therapists are too overated, but that's likely my personal bias against therapists in general slipping through.

 

That's fair. As long as your therapist is with you in regards to quitting porn.

I absolutely agree and couldn't put it better myself. focus on little improvements and most importantly don't shy away from communities like nofap. That was the biggest mistake I made when the stress was starting to overwhelm me. Even if you are failing to stay away from porn, having a support network around you is vital and keeps your mind from spiraling in on itself. Best of luck!

 

I think she probably has a different perspective because she is a woman.

With PMO you are literally cheating on arguably your sole reason for being here and most intense biological drive.

I’m the same way why would you ever work if someone gave you millions of dollars.

 

There has been an approach by a Dutch psychologist called "Van Zessen". In short in his opinion we seek for dopamine rushes because we have low self-esteem. He says 2 things.
1. Watching porn is in general OK and masturbating is OK too. BUT: under restriction you work on the low self-esteem .
2. How do you fix low self-esteem. He proposes to do small chores (5 minutes push ups / cleaning desktop / vacuum cleaning your room etc etc) but also mainly chores for other people like doing groceries for elderly or helping someone lift a heavy suitcase.

So what is going to be the result: the empty space filled with dopamine seeking behaviour and low self esteem is getting filled with chores and other things to do. Its not cold turkey its over time. I guess for some people this works. But i think one of the main things is to channeling the dopamine seeking cooping mechanism. Learn stress reducent cooping mechanisms and learn how to coop with them by not watching porn.

 

The therapist needs to come to this forum to get educated and realize that porn, masturbation and orgasm to excess is harmful to one's health. Do not be fooled OP and second guess your issues. You are here for a reason. You are sick of what porn does to you.

 

Your points are all good, but no one should have to convince their therapist that this is a problem. Any therapist who is biased against the NoFap community is not going to be helpful unless they change their mind on their own. They are already brainwashed into the whole "yay for sex in all parts of life" thing. Stay far away is my opinion.

 

I agree if you tell your therapist your porn use is out of control, compulsive, taking away time from things you'd rather be doing, and overall messing up your life, and they don't try to help you create solutions to stop using porn, then you should find another. From my friends who have taken therapy for other issues, they advised me to try out different ones before finding one that clicked; they said your therapist should almost feel like a friend who's just really smart.

I have a feeling that most guys on NoFap who go to therapy don't really tell their therapists everything they're going through. No reasonable human could hear someone say

"I masturbate for 8 hours a day until my penis bleeds from the scars and blisters that have formed, but if I don't masturbate I am unable to function at all, I want to stop but I can't"

and tell them it's normal and they shouldn't beat themselves up. My advise is to tell your therapist all the horrible, gross, nitty gritty details of your MO habits (maybe not the porn you watch though, save that for later), and if you see the MO habits themselves are screwing with your life but the therapist says they're ok, move on and try to find someone else.

 

Just simply don't waist time talking with her about porn. There is no official diagnosis at American Psychiatric Association for Porn addiction. She is simply clueless about it. Don't waist time. Best advices you can get from people who is practically dealing with that. And still we hardly understand why we are doing, do you expect woman to understand which never experienced that and where she learned that porn addiction is not exist and not even to understand to help you with that.

 

I'm with you that it might be more devastating for men, but your point doesn't really make sense regardless.
A good therapist is not someone who has gone through anything one could ever go through, like having childhood abuse ptsd, schizophrenia, an eating disorder and drug problem, just to be able to help someone going through any of those. Rather they need to understand the mechanisms of our psychology and how to work with that.

And besides, as a man you should know how most man react when you tell them you have a pmo problem, some shady male therapists probably included so...

Sorry, got a little defensive here because I have a great therapist and she totally gets the problem and is a big help

 

I have two thoughts:

1. Find a different therapist.
2. Don’t bother with therapy.

Not trying to be a simplistic jerk here. Here’s a fact however: The mental health industry has failed to solve addiction.

I’ve written about that, along with a bunch of other rants, in my journal 25 Years Gone so I won’t get into it all here.

Another question would be why you’re seeing a therapist. In addition to not having the answers to addiction, or even - apparently in the case of the possibly lame worker you’re throwing good money at - not understanding porn addiction, the mental health industry’s real success has been through medications for depression and anxiety.

Having seen therapists for years for work stress, depression, anxiety, life and relationship issues and, yes, porn addiction, I recommend, instead, consulting a psychiatrist and actually getting treated. You may already be doing this, and bear in mind that there is no pill for porn addiction, but you might get help for whatever issues led you to see a therapist.

Disclaimer: I am neither a member of the mental health industry nor successful at quitting porn forever. Just my thoughts.

 

Why you posting Van Zassen opinion? Do you believe Porn is okey in general?