The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 36

Feeling better, but still kind of groggy and unfocused. It's kind of like I had "NoFap Powers" for about three days last week, then they disappeared, lol. It's okay, though, they will probably return at some point.

 

Day 8

 

Day 4 - Feeling the danger getting closer

Had a lot of urges today and I fished a bit also. I've been studying from home since I hurt my feet, and it's been kinda stressing. Seeing people, talking to them and going outside daily makes me feel good, so I'll be back tomorrow.

I started to read LOTR and it usually drives me away in moments of strong urges. Narratives get me really distracted, so I'll use it as a tool.

 

Day 4 complete!

I'm proud of myself for keeping this streak really clean. No fishing or peeking so far, because I know how much more difficult I will make things for myself if I allow the tiniest source of temptation to drip into my soul.

I am struggling a bit with loneliness, though. Tonight I made the decision to massively scale back communication with someone who's been a friend of mine for a long time but is really not helping me grow in the state of life where I'm at. So that's painful, and it'll probably be in my head for a while, but it's already bringing me a little bit of peace too.

St. Thomas Aquinas, pray for us.

 

458 days

 

Day 90! My goal has been reached, and just in time: A wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.

The gates of Mordor open up, but it seems I must take a different path.

 

Congratulations, bro! It's inspiring to follow your journey with your short posts about what's going on in your life, keep going.

 

25 days
This time I'll make it to the 90
Just like @Talz , congratulations!

 

I have unfortunately relapsed after 90 days... I'm not sure how to feel about it, especially now that I'm getting all these congratulations and stuff. It seems our Grey Wizards have taken a hit lately... I guess I met one of my short term goals though. I will note that I'm not experiencing a lot of the issues I normally would, it would appear as if going 90 days considerably improved my condition. It wasn't very enjoyable, pied seems to be gone... Not a ton of temptation to give into the chaser effect. I may step away and reevaluate.

 

Day 247

 

Day 241 no PMO. Good day yesterday. My therapist wants me to slow down before I react and talk to myself and comfort myself. I tried it yesterday and I liked it. Have a great day everyone!

 

Day 25

Getting a little better.

I am so sorry to see so many of us falling back and relapsing. You are all truly my inspiration. On some level, seeing that even after 90 days you can slip up and start over makes me feel so much better. We are all human and I feel like we need both will power and self compassion in order to destroy this ring.

The combination of seeing people slip even after a couple of month together with what archie.hill had wrote really made me reevaluate my nofap journey. I don’t want to get myself pumped up over the fact that soon I would become an elf, even though I’ve never even been close to become one in the past. I want to try and accept the fact that I am no longer the same man that I was in the past. That I’m not a man who watches porn. Anything lass than that would surlily make me slip again.

I’ve past the first interview yesterday and I have another interview in… one hour. I’m kind of confidence that I’ll pass it because I am way overqualified for the job, but I’m just excited to have a job after two years of being unemployed. Wish me luck.

And don’t worry @Christoph108 we are doing this together brother. February 8, 2023, nothing less than that.

 

Day 97

 

474 days high king
543 days no PMO, semen retention

 

I realized that if I like it or not I'm still fully addicted. Sure I'm not living the addiction to the extreme and I can handle my life (in a way which is "ok") but I live WITH it and I get my regular fix every 2 to 5 days or so. Even one day "sober" feels like a long time to me.

I've read something from @Fenix Rising about how long it takes for the brain to recover from pa (thanks by the way, Fenix!)
Although the actual time period (it is 185 - 314 days) is not so relevant for me at the moment, it reminds me that the addiction is more than just a bundle of bad habits. I need a lot of time and I need abstinence.

What I can do is changing the exterior conditions to my favor, make porn less available, strategically avoid triggers.
Then I can quit or lessen other behavior that is connected to pmo. Actually I know already what I want to do, but I need to take care, that I really do all the steps that are necessary.

Mindset: I think this idea of "Recovery first" and "it needs time, I need the time" is crucial. It doesn't mean I stop everything else and spend hours on the forum every day, but it means that I dedicate my current life time to this and live accordingly.
YES, I do healthy habits, I care for my family and friends, I get help, I do my work properly and I spend my time well.
I'll grow in terms of self developement, health and mindfulness.
But NO, I don't need to be(come) superman, I don't need to become more efficient, I don't need more money, friends, women, fame. I don't need to do what others expect from me or say to me. And so on.
It means: FOCUS on the important things and work on it, stop expecting too much from yourself, but also stop do be a winy b*ch and stop to look for comfort all the time. Embrace pain. Accept that you might get all kinds of withdrawal symptoms. It all belongs to the process.
Negative thinking and all kinds of (nonsexual) fantasizing comes with it. I need to challenge that. Not always with great visions of the future but simply I need to say to myself: that's your reality now, that's what you have to do, it makes sense, so don't question everything all the time. Of course I also need positive images and visions. But no illusions. Thinking about the future all the time is not going to help neither.

discipline: you could philosophize long about this term, but for me it means simply to do what I set myself to do. It's about simple tasks and everyday life. I sit down and have some task on my mind that I want to do - will I start with it immediately? Will I continue to work on it without letting myself distrat or even looking for distraction? Will I finish it now or later or will I leave it unfinished?
For me discipline is the routine or rather the tendency to do stuff and stick to it. The contrary of the tendency to not do stuff, delay stuff, leave stuff unfinished.
I think it's training. But it's also a question of organisation and a realistic view.

Calm patience: to write posts like this means that I tell myself: hey, I'm doing something! I have a plan! it also means that I organize my thoughts and set an intention, which is good. But it's always more promises than actual recovery work. Right now I'm delaying my actual work because I decided that I need "to do something" about my addiction / recovery.
Calm patience means that I know what's going on and I know what I'm doing. That I take my time for everything and know that everything takes time. Discipline and calm patience together is the absolute overkill for addictions!
If I can be that way, I'll recover without counting the days much and come back when suddenly I've reached a rank that right now is just utopian for me.

 

Simple same strategy everytime - I get it.

 

Day 4 on my path of reboot

 

Wanked again annoyingly, back to Ringwraith

 

Day 1 - Orc

It’s eye-opening to me how automatic it is for my hand to reach down when I go to sleep. I had to keep telling myself to keep my hands above my chest while I was falling asleep. Sexual thoughts and some fishing. Work was kinda rough, my project is sort of at a stand still until I can get a software issue fixed with IT, who are taking their time. Lots of mild frustrations, which is probably what led to the thoughts. Had Mediterranean for dinner, it was really good. Had a session with my life coach, they suggested I try to add more non-digital hobbies to help me fill time when I’m tempted by PMO or YouTube. I’m going to get a library card after work today.

Archie.hill’s post has made me rethink what I’m doing this for. I’ve decided that I’m doing this for 14 year old me, the religious kid who felt so ashamed of giving in to his body but wasn’t strong enough to resist. That shame kept growing in him until he started to hate himself. I’m doing this for him, because he didn’t deserve all that. I’m doing this for him because he’s my brother now, so to speak, and I love him, even if he didn’t love himself. I don’t have a child like Archie.hill to motivate me, but I do have younger me, and I’m going to be strong for him because he deserves it.

 

I Want to join the challenge
currently on Day 7