The Lord of the Rings Challenge

46, just checking in today

 

Day 0/500

 

Day 1 - Orc

No urges today. The girl I hung out with didn't go so well, we didn't really click and it didn't feel natural at all. Also I didn't watch Dune with my friend because it got cancelled (somehow the cinema screen broke?) so weirdly enough, on paper, my day has gone terribly, but I'm actually feeling pretty alright.

 

Day 1

 

Checking in, day 2. Determined to try again. I may fail again, but I will fail better and fail forward. I won't ever quit.

 

DAY 3 check in

 

463 days

 

Aaaaaand Day 0. I ended up falling to MO late last night after my forum check-in. It was so stupid: physical arousal but no emotional arousal, just a mindless mechanical response.

Several months ago I learned that getting past 8 days is a real hurdle for me. That hasn't been relevant lately while I've been struggling to even make it one week, but now I'm reminded about this personal pattern of mine. So that's where my fight is now: 8 days clean.

@RiseToGreatness Thank you for sharing those words from @archie.hill My strongest reason for quitting porn, a positive ideal rather than the mere avoidance of negative consequences, is something I don't think about often enough.

 

30 days ~> elf
This time I'll make it to the 90

 

Day 1 - Nazgul

Have been peeking again which i consider as resetting. No more!!!!

Even that little voice that compells me to search must be gone!

 

Day 253

 

Day 2

Had a busy day at work again. This job is usually pretty taxing. I feel just completely beat when I get home. I got handed a lot of extra tasks, in addition to my regular duties. I hardly stopped moving the whole shift, but one good thing is I didn't have to do my least favorite part of the job much today. I feel super sore though. Turns out I was walking around with a piece of onion skin in my hair for awhile and didn't even notice!

On another note the day counter really annoyed me today. It really takes awhile to update to the proper day, doesn't it? Around the time I usually check in is also only so long after I had to reset it last, so the day wasn't correct. I feel like a fraud telling people "Hey I'm on day 2" when it says I'm on day 1!

Oh well... I really just need to go to bed is what I really need. I may be changing my schedule somewhat anyway to wake up a bit later and stay up a bit later. My work schedule is later now on some days, and I basically never work mornings so it's nice to have a bit more time when I get home on work days rather than go to bed right away. There is also the fact that my circadian rhythm seems to naturally be a bit later. I'm a natural night owl! I feel like I should try to wake up early mostly probably due to being shamed by morning larks my whole life. Truth be told though I don't know if I've ever met a lark I've been all that impressed by. They usually have a certain kind of personality... They aren't as chill as the average night owl, that's for sure. Plus a lot of people on the internet are all like "get up at 5am to have a successful day" which I tried for awhile... I don't know, perhaps that's a venture I should try again down the road when I have a better foundation in place.

I can't change myself all at once! I also have to decide whether I should. What parts of myself do I need to discard, what parts should I preserve? We'll find out on a later episode!

 

Day 0

Yesterday was a mess. I’ve PMO basically until 16:00. But the great thing is that I’ve picked myself up afterwards and I’ve actually done good things after that.

This morning I’ve woken up with a new sense of hope.

What you’ve wrote hit me so hard, you are totally right, so much of the bad things in my life is my own doing. Today I’ll own it and simply try to be better because I have the power to do it.

 

Day 21

 

479 days high king
548 days no PMO, semen retention

 

Day 246 no PMO

 

All right , recovering energies

 

Day 6 - Orc

Yesterday wasn’t too bad. Little to no urges. My current best streak is 8 days, so I’m trying to prepare myself for the full weight of urges to hit in a day or two. It will be really fucking hard, and I will want to quit really bad. And I’m going to act in spite of those feelings. Younger me deserves for me to be strong, I’m doing this for him.

I’m trapped in IT hell at work lol, hopefully they can make some progress with my software issues today. Hope you all are well. Peace and love, God bless.

 

Day 9 on my path of reboot

 

Day 8, trod on!