The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 1 - Orc

I was thinking of something @RiseToGreatness said about NoNutNovember essentially just being a month like any other, and if we only focus our recovery on staying clean in that time period, we may just succeed, but guess what happens on December 1st if we do not take actionable steps in our life to change. As such, while this is a forum for recovering pornography addicts, I am going to do something different than I did when I was on here last. I am not going to discuss my pornography addiction outside of updating my counter everyday. No, instead, I am going to discuss my life without pornography, what it is like in this short period, what it will be in the long period, and what changes I am making in the mean time to live my best life. As they say, the opposite of addiction is connection, and while I was doing the coaching program, I had connection every Tuesday at 4am (he's in Australia). However, I have been feeling lost without that, and I started to engage in some of my old behaviors. However that ends now. NNN may be just an arbitrary point of time, but it is just as good as any to get clean finally.

So, updates:

I created a fantasy journal with a list of my pornographic fantasies, whether I watch pornography based on these fantasies, or I just visualize them as I masturbate. Later, I will create a list of non-pornographic fantasies that take me out of life, but I am just focusing on the sexual ones in nature. Then every night this month, I will analyze one of those fantasies (looking at the less common ones and working my way up to the more common ones), and write down a list of things I feel when I think about these fantasies. This will be in a controlled, meditative setting to not be triggering, my reasoning being, if I can hash out my emotions involving these fantasies in a safe space, then when I get triggered and the fantasies come rushing back, I will ideally have developed the tools to fight these fantasies.
Additionally, I am getting my schooling under control and making changes to my schedule to accommodate my work hours. I want to get back to language practice everyday, learning German and Spanish. I also want to write for 15 minutes a day at least for my novel. Lastly, I want to rise at 5AM, drink coffee and start my day working on language practice, dancing, and writing before I work on school work and head to campus to attend lecture and study.

Anyway, I hope you all have a spectacular day!
Best,
Mathman1994

 

Checking in day 27

 

Day 0

Hey Fellowship, I slipped up again. I hate the word "relapse," but it's not wrong to use it here.

Basically did some fishing yesterday afternoon. I rationalized it by telling myself I wasn't looking at anything pornographic (technically true) and it would just lift my mood. Within an hour and a half, it was full PMO time, for about eight hours. I was up till 2 AM, then this morning I messed up again.

Hard not to feel like crap about this one. I really need to make some structural life changes, but I'm not exactly sure what those are, or how to go about making them. I'm too old for this sh** and I've got things to do. How do I change?

 

Day 15, trod on!

 

I have returned! Damn it was a wild weekend, which thought me one important thing- always make sure that your body is fed throughout the day!
I also did pay for a woman of the night, as planned, because once in Amsterdam, might as well do everything. I'm glad the experience was meh, as I am not having the chaser effect nor any desire to do that again. I will continue November in Monk Mode for the NNN challenge and see what it gets me.
The counter still rests as it is, as swex is not part of the challenge, even though I seem to get in situations where that is on the table... Weird how things go when on this challenge right?

 

Like the trigger plan. It sounds exhaustive, leaving no stone unturned, so you cannot be blindsided.

 

What are the list of rewards as a matter of interest?

 

Checking in friends
Almost finished my second day, 3 more days to becoming an Uruk!

Week 1 prep with the help of Scandanavian Bob

• -Don't make your reboot plan too strict to begin with
• -Don't try and fit too many good things into your day (like daily 10 mile runs, 3 cold showers, workouts, meditation, etc...)
• - This is overcompensating for the last relapse
• - Don't be too hard on yourself at the moment, the first week is about getting through it and this is where your energy is needed
  
• - Expect a dopamine spike with urges at the end of the week which then die down into the 2nd week again

Actions

• - Stay away from internet as much as possible
• - Do moderate physical exercise
• - Plan your day
• - Take long walks in the evening

Last night was the first time in months that I went to bed without watching something on TV or Digital Stream. I read some LOTR got a great sleep and was able to cope with the challenges that arose today well enough. I am afraid of the coming weekend urges, so I am going to setup some social engagements to avoid ending up home alone

 

Great Idea - I am going start building in rewards into the recovery plan now also

 

Vasectomy
I had an interesting talk with my father about meditation, life and women. I'm full into a spiritual life and we discussed again the subject of children. That can really take time from you.

So I made my mind right away, no kids, wife or ever living with a woman.

I just went to get an appointment for a vasectomy but I wasn't able to find one, the agenda was full. I'll have to wait some days.

There were a lot of men walking funny post procedure a bit funny.

 

Day 12.

 

471 days

 

Day 7,

Its been a whirlwind Fellowship. But I am back today and intend to be here for a while. The idea of mental Tai-Chi has become a cornerstone in my daily practice of mindfulness, kindness, and non-judgement. When an unkind thought arises I try not to fight it but to rather to push it away gently and say now is not the time.

Recently I have been in and out of 5 day streaks and rather unhappy. Having a bit of a change of heart.

Thank you for being here everyone.

 

Day 261

 

91 days – After carefully studying the Gate you decide is too dangerous to charge it full front. The fallen brother Gollum reveals there´s a secret entrance to Mordor. With a sigh of relief you turn south. Your path now follows the borders of Ephel Dúath, the Mountains of Shadow.

 

0 days. I was working from home, got bored and started to fish on Twitter. Not many minutes passed until the relapse was complete.