90 Day Hard Mode Benefits/Experience

What's up people, today is my day 90 on hard mode. I'm going to try my best to explain the changes I've experienced, benefits and all that, and organize it to the best of my ability because I'm very good at rambling.

Story: I am 18 years old. Have been PMOing since puberty or age 11 or whatever, pretty much everyday. I came across noFap and people talking of all these benefits, so I decided to give it a try. At first it was just a petty game I would play with myself, seeing how many days I could go. I also just gave up and went back to my ways of PMOing everyday. This was when I was 16 or 17 years old. I came across it again and decided I really needed to stop this behaviour. This is first serious attempt. I simply said enough is enough and haven't done it since that day. 100 days free of pornography and 90 Days of no Masturbating of any kind. I have never had a girlfriend, am a virgin, my girlfriends were all my favourite porn stars , sad life. It's not like I got ED like a lot of people to find out they have a problem with porn. I just wanted to see if all these 'superpowers' were real, and when people would describe what it improved (confidence, self-esteem, motivation, shyness) All this things were evident traits in my life. I was pretty depressed at times, even suicidal, felt like a loser, ugly etc. I feel the reason I was able to finally stop, was because I was 17 years old the last time I PMO'd. If I stop now, I could not bring this into my adulthood AT ALL, and that is pretty powerful to me. Enough of being a sad lonely teenager who jacks off all the time and time to fucking grow up.


Confidence: My confidence level has certainly changed since I've been on nofap. I no longer feel ashamed and gross, I now look people in the eye when I talk to them. Am a bit less awkward when people strike up conversations with me, and am not all in my head like I used to be (analyzing all the things I'm going to say) It just comes naturally. I am introverted and I still am that way, Im not Mr. talk to everyone about everything, but this has definitely helped. A point I really wanna bring up is the 'Nofap makes girls attracted to you' bullshit. I don't believe there is some magical aura that floats around me now because I don't touch myself anymore. I simply think the reason people say this is because of the new behaviour you adapt. Walking head up, making eye contact, acting confident etc. Makes girls look at you and smile or whatever. I also used to have very low times where I felt like absolute shit, I no longer have this. I can be rocking some dirty ass baggy clothes and still feel fine. So overall I'm not confident as fuck, but it's slowly improving.


Energy: Alright so before nofap. I was a gym rat. Yes. Everyday I would work out hard and I got pretty damn muscular. This was BEFORE nofap. Guess what? I actually STOPPED hitting the gym while on nofap. Go figure right? I found out that the gym for me was a way to make myself feel better about myself. Thinking 'well i'm not attractive, maybe if i'm jacked as fuck girls will like me' when really it's all about personality and how you carry yourself. You can drive the dopest cars, be muscular as fuck, but if your a piece of shit who doesn't even like himself, you will get no girls, well maybe superficial girls who want you for your money or whatever. I actually adopted an old hobby of mine - rock climbing. I absolutely love climbing. It is rewarding, challenging, and I love the strategy involved and how it can take months to finally get a route. And you feel like king of the world when you finally get it. I still hit the gym from time to time to relieve some stress, but I found out I really don't have a passion for bodybuilding lol. Other than fitness and exercise, nofap has made me do things I had been putting off for way too long. Such as my car , I bought my car with some minor rust on it, and from day one I said I would fix it up, and had the car for months and months and didn't do it until I stopping masturbating and watching porn.



Sleep: Sleep has kind of been a problem while on nofap. Sometimes I will lay in bed for hours, and when I finally do sleep I will wake up every 2 hours. I rarely get good long nights of sleep anymore. One very positive thing is waking up. I used to be awful when it came to waking up in the morning. I would do anything to sleep in. Now If i need to wake up, I can spring out of bed like nothing. I wish I did this in high school, probably wouldn't have been late nearly every damn day.


Happiness: This is main thing reason why I never want to go back to that PMO lifestyle. I am a lot more comfortable in my own skin. I no longer have times where I hate myself, feel ugly and unwanted etc. I wake up grateful for everything I have, an amazing family who loves me, good friends, a decent job etc. I also love not having to hide anything from anybody. If my mom needs to use my computer - go ahead. Weirdest thing she'll find is that I go on this nofap site nearly every day lol.


Women: Now I've always been incredibly shy when It comes to talking to girls. I'm not an ugly kid and have had girls try to talk to me and show they're interested in me. Attractive girls I might add. I would just text them a bit, never want to hang out and eventually they would stop talking to me. I wish so badly I could go re-do high school as this new person I am. Oh my lord the kind of girls I could have met. And not even just to have sex, but just enjoy having a girl as a friend. It was like girls were of a different species to me. I could talk to guys no problem, but girls ? hell no. Porn made my standards so god damn high I wanted a girl like Alexis Texas for fuck sakes. Totally unrealistic shit. I could not even talk or look at a girl without thinking about sex or how she would fuck me, looking at her tits and ass and as a total sex object, way before even getting to know her or anything, and I still struggle with this. It is improving but I still need to understand girls are people too, not things that are created to fuck. There is way more too it.

I had been talking to a girl just in the beginning of starting nofap, an absolutely beautiful girl, and about half way through, I actually built up the balls to ask her on a date, and it actually went really well. Nothing really came from it, we kind of stopped talking but I'm honestly really proud of it. Before nofap there is no way in hell I would of been able to do that.

Also went to a beach and had the courage to talk to some hotties, and had a good time with them. Before nofap I would have stumbled over my words trying to talk to them.

I still struggle with being over obsessed with sex, porn has made me into all types of fucked up shit, and I haven't even kissed a girl yet!



Porn: Do I miss it? Honestly, hell yeah. Who wouldn't miss being able to forfill any sexual fantasy, right in front of your eyes in HD for free. Do I miss the feelings it brings afterwards? Fuck no. I have sort of been disgusted by the thought of porn now. Watching other people have sex and getting off to it? Who does that? Would you go watch people fuck in front of you in real life? probably not unless you're a real creepy fuck. Also the type of porn I was escalating too, it wasn't as bad as some storys I read on here as to being thinking they might be gay and watching transwoman porn... If that doesn't give you a red flag I don't know what would. But even the type of porn that is now mainstream, I mean more than half of the porn videos are anal. Like what??? Guys ripping apart girls in HD, zooming in on their ass holes and shit, 'gaping' Like that shit is really fucked up once you take a step back a realize what you are into now lol. Also gagging, deepthroating and choking girls, hitting them. I don't know. And now the kids of this generation are growing up watching and starting on this... This is just getting worse. Porn has warped my views on women so much I feel it will takes years to finally see and treat a girl how she should be treated. Someone brought up a good point about porn, I forget what exactly it was but he pretty much said porn abuse is very much linked to self hatred. I very much agree.


Temper: The smallest things used to really get to me. A small comment about my looks, ability to do something, poking fun at me, I used to all of a sudden get really upset and sad about myself. Now I sort of embrace it. I just accept it and see that it's true! It is pretty sad I'm 18 years with not much skills with anything. I've been a spoiled kid all my life, I'm not rich, but If wanted something , my parents would do everything in there power to give it to me. Quitting porn made me see my life from a birds eye view. I used to always be in denial of being shy, looking upset and angry all the time, and now I see that was totally true! It was like I hated myself but still thought I was better than everyone else, really odd.


Conclusion: So that pretty much sums it up. Feel free to ask any questions I will gladly answer you. . Keep trucking people! This is only the beginning of a new, happier life. PEACE!

 

Yes there is some good suggestions there! An quick update on my sleeping schedule and habits tho - I used to drink energy drinks when at work... I completely cut that out now, I only allow myself one coffee in the morning, and that for sure helped. Also I had hurt my back and found some people saying to sleep on the floor... I didn't do exactly that but I started sleeping on a different bed that is much more stiff and is not like floating on clouds like my other bed is, and so far I've been getting some really good sleep! Also getting up at a good time in the morning because I'm awoken by the sunlight. My other room had a shutout blind which made the room pitch black at all times. So I'm doing alright