35 and older accountability, Group 2

Day 10, finally had dreams last night of porn and sex and I got an erection

 

I am renewed in my determination to complete this 90 day reboot. For me the porno and fapping is just not "good enough" anymore. I may never be with a real woman ever again if I dont quit the PMO. I am ready to experience real love and touch and affection from a real life woman, not anymore of these phony internet movies. That is my big reason for the reboot.

 

I've reset my counter back to day 0. I failed to P sub and MO but it was really too close to P. And realistically it was P even though maybe technically it was not. I don't know but I'm trying to get this post out of the way and continue on. I'm back to a 3 day goal but I have good momentum. I had over 35 days before I started into real trouble.

I'm trying to look on the bright side and I do have good momentum and I did fall but not to the same depths as in the past. So it is progress I believe and I'm trying to keep it up and continue on.

Since I don't have any woman or release, pressure does seem to build up and after about a month it is very significant. I don't want to justify it to myself but realistically, it will be very difficult for me long term with no way to release. I did start having many more dreams than usual but it seems I always wake up before a release.

I don't feel bad and I think that is good. I really just want to continue on and not fall further. If I can do this ~40+ days again, that will be incredible.

 

Alright, getting back on the wagon. Mentally aiming for a 7-10 day streak to start building confidence, and to reassess from that place. Life's been a bit rough lately, and getting a hand surgery tomorrow or tues (oof), but looking to shift some patterns.

 

Still alive, day 9.

 

Day 11 but the cravings and urges are stronger than EVER. I guess the flatline has ended and now I have to deal with TREMENDOUS urges. Especially out in public I find myself staring way too long at the womans butts and breasts. This is rude behavior and I would normally never stare "too long" but now I am unable to break my gaze and if I dont get it under control I may end up in trouble like getting slapped in the face or having the girls boyfriend punch me in the face.

Im gonna need some stronger coping strategies than "touch a pack of frozen hotdogs to your genitals"

 

It has been 40 days! I am so glad to be free from PMO. As I have mentioned before, this is my first time free as an adult and previous to joining, I had about 5 years of terrible PMO addiction. Coming out of this, I am realizing that I am living a completely new life. I've found myself in a place where I am having to rediscover life. It is a good feeling but I don't know how to put it into words. Maybe some of you veterans will understand what I am taking about and can help me put it into words. I have been doing a lot of thinking about what I am going to do with the rest of my life. I'll be sharing more in the coming days.

 

40 days! Thats a huge achievement man! Congrats! I’m halfway there

 

@jw2021 thats a great milestone! My highest streak ever was 22 days, I hope to join you at 40 days on your same journey. I am at day 12 so far. That you for inspiring us

 

13 days today, I was thinking that after my reboot that I would do 15 day intervals of MO (unless I have access to actual sex in which case I would not place any limit on the frequency of real sex). But gathering these 13 days so far has been as hard as rolling a boulder up a mountain so I dont know if I could accomplish it. Big difference between a "one time reboot" and only allowing yourself to MO on the first of the month and 15th of the month

 

Many of us have tried and few (if any) have succeeded to bring MO back into their life without it eventually becoming and problem or leading back to porn.

 

Day 42. I am a full 6 weeks free from PMO. I find myself thinking about it less and less as time goes on. As I shared a couple days ago, I realized that I have been a addict my whole adult life so I am for the first time figuring out how to live as a adult free from addiction. I done something a couple days ago that may seem silly but I signed up to do Doordash. I don't need the money but this is something to get me out of the house, interact with people, get some exercise, and have some healthy adventure in my life. For the last couple years I have been a recluse and I see that was not healthy for me. I have been out on 3 runs now and just had a ton of fun.

 

Congrats on 6 weeks, man! Question, how did you add the day goals at the bottom of your counter?

 

Personally, mo leads me to eventual p relapse EVERYTIME. But it always feels impossible from the place of doing it 20 to even 40 days into a streak. I did it on day 13 last time, thinking about an intimate connection, minor slip with p on day 16, and was well into a bad relapse by day 19 that lasted some time. That cascade seems to always play out once entered into but always "seems" impossible from the vantage point of a good no pmo streak.

 

I will say its dfferent when i am in an actual relationship. When i have intimacy its like the addict part of my brain shuts off. p is boring and pointless, and the urge to binge dissipates.

 

Checking in. Day 25 today. Barely feel any urges now. Just lots of spare times

 

To do that, you need to edit your signature and then type in what goals you want to achieve. Every time I reach a goal, I cursor over the number and hit "Bold" and "Underline". Feel free to copy and paste mine if you would like to use it.

 

Day 14 today, quitting weed and CBD today as well. For 90 days