Life alone, Love alone

A long time ago, while speaking with my psychologist, I was told that perhaps I liked being alone. I was shocked to hear him say that to me.
Loneliness is something that I’ve had to live with since infancy, because of my peculiar circumstances. Without getting into details (which I have done here before), I felt profoundly isolated. The situation I was raised in nearly caused me to lose my mind before I was even 10 years old.
Long story short, it was only by the grace of God that I made it through. Although now, I realize that my psychologist was more right than I ever cared to admit.
The extremely alienating circumstances of my childhood forced me to become comfortable with being and feeling alone.
Now at 60 years of age, I have been faced with the fact that my PMO addiction served to cover up the despair of being abandoned and alone. I was primed for it.
Learning to live without pmo was excruciatingly difficult. I’m lucky that I still have family around, otherwise I may have taken my own life by now.
I cut off the last “friend” I had over a week ago, because in my attempt to help him I hurt his feelings and he lashed out by telling me that “at least I have a girlfriend”.
It was a low blow, and I realized that his only aim was to hurt me in a way that he knew would deeply affect me.
I have a lot of work to do in order to find peace with myself now, and having anyone working against me in this regard is not something I can afford.
Leaving PMO has given me a chance to finally deal with my loneliness issues and learn that I don’t need to feel lonely just because I am alone.
I hope anyone suffering with loneliness will find strength in my story and work to end torturing themselves with their feelings of loneliness.

 

Under normal circumstances, the demands for our time, attention, and energy are great. I’m guessing most people don’t even know how much of a burden is being put upon them via relationships, responsibilities, and everything that is trying to (for one reason or another) grab your attention.
Humans are rather social creatures, and overall it’s beneficial for individuals and society to engage with each other. Even the problem of addiction is being revealed as a problem that can be cured with increased connection with the world at large.
I suppose I have been seen as somewhat aloof, uncaring, or selfish at times; and as a result, have gone overboard with actions that I thought might contradict that image.
Caring too much about what others think of you is dangerous and gives up your control to do what is best for yourself.
In fact, I’m going to lay down in bed again to rest my mind and recover from all the recent activity I have engaged in to improve my health.
We must rest to heal. That’s why meditating is becoming more accepted and popular.
The time spent alone giving our minds and bodies a break is important and essential.
For some, getting time alone is difficult and hard to come by.
The more we help ourselves; the more we can help one another.
Take a well deserved break from everyone and everything. You’ll be glad you did.

 

Thanks for the kind words. I hope that they’ll help anyone dealing with the despair of loneliness.

 

Thanks.
I haven’t given up hope of living a better and more loving life.
After 60 years of facing multiple challenging adversities, I can only believe that God has shown me mercy and blessed me with the type of good fortune that can be described as miraculous.
I pray that everyone will experience and come to understand that God truly does love you, despite what you may believe. lol

 

I’ve been blessed with good friends and relationships throughout my life, but it hasn’t always been the case.
I can say that due to my neediness, I have drifted into relationships that I shouldn’t have. You could say that I was naïve, but I tried to be open minded and accepting of everyone.
I realize that it would have been better to be a little more discriminating and focused, but throughout my life that was not a luxury I felt like I was entitled.
Now, because of my situation of being old and alone, I don’t think I can afford to continue to be so lazy.
I suppose using my time alone to focus on what type of relationships I want to have, and what type of life I want to live is not something that I can leave to chance.
Now that I’m no longer addicted to pmo, I am freed from my feelings of powerlessness and determined to make better choices for myself.
I can begin with becoming my own best friend and build a meaningful life from this point on.

 

Because of my recent health problems, I have been experiencing an understandable amount of sympathy. Although I have no reason to doubt the sincerity of anyone, it probably comes as no surprise that the meaningfulness of each varies significantly.
Many are routine expressions of concern; while others are rather dubious as to their motivation.
Some people are just trying to remove guilt for past neglect and abuse, or to boost their own feelings and image of who they see themselves as being.
I treasure them all, no matter the motivation.
Ultimately, we all come to pass on our own and really live and love in our own individual way and therefore very much alone.
Be fine with being singularly yourself, by yourself, for yourself.
Live love! Just remember to keep it real.

 

Thanks for the insight @cleaningupmyact
I had been ostracized and hurt once again and the way I responded was to isolate myself.
I don’t think he meant any harm, but he probably saw how hurt and unhappy I was about being alone, and wanted to point out that it wasn’t all so catastrophically bad.
Sometimes finding the space to isolate alone and work things out was my way of healing my heart.
I have a new psychologist and a friend who has been incredibly loving and understanding.
I’m grateful that at my age, I feel so much love and care. <3

 

Merry Christmas to all! Especially the lonely, neglected, impoverished, alienated, and lost; because I understand how it feels to slip through the cracks of committed and careful compassion.
In the times that we feel lost and abandoned, it is the falsehood of our disparaging experiences that we cling and attach ourselves to that gives us comfort through familiarity.
Be sad. Be alone. But be assured that you are not unique. I know where you are, and I am not far from you in spirit or otherwise.
Jesus may not have been born on this day, but the message of brotherly love breathes within the hearts of lonely people because we understand how hurtful it is to feel forsaken.
The fact that a man like Jesus existed and still lives in the hearts and minds of many people, proves that we are never alone.
That’s why I love Nofap and come here often. In my darkest and loneliest of struggles, Nofap reminds me that I am not alone.
Merry Christmas to us all! If only for a moment, let us rejoice knowing that we are grateful to be together on our rebooting journey <3

 

It’s often recommended that we be forgiving, but I’m finding that I need to remind myself not to forget that I would be better off not associating with certain people.
To improve my chances of developing good, loving, healthy relationships I must remind myself that forgiveness doesn’t require that I forget about how hurtful someone is.
I pray that they’ll change, but repeatedly forgiving their bad behavior allows them to continue their bad behavior.
I have been subjected to abuse and neglect, but it stops now.
I want better and I commit to hold myself responsible for cultivating the circumstances that help to make it so.
For the first time in my life, I have a chance to break free from the patterns of behavior that lead me to be vulnerable to addictions like PMO.

 

So, yesterday marked a month since Valentines Day 2022. It was also the month for the auspicious 2/22/22 date on the calendar.
I guess having serious health concerns protected me from much of last month’s melancholy, but since I was feeling better yesterday it seemed to subconsciously catch up with me as I played “My Funny Valentine” for most of the day.
It’s been only a month since VD, but it’s been many years since I had a Valentine.
I suppose it could be blamed on my addiction to pmo, but I’m not sure if I’m just using it as an excuse.
After terrible heartbreaking experiences, it’s just natural that I’ve become disenchanted by the whole idea of VD and even love in general.
PMO was a way to protect and hide my heart from further abuse.
Love (for me now) is just something I hope for, and try to bring out into my life without expectations.
It’s easier for me to be alone now without depending on pmo and maybe that’s just the kind of love I’ve always needed.
NoFap is love to me <3