Trying to become human (Journal)

@hobby3 It's very brave and courageous of you to accept this addiction Sir. I feel really inspired talking to you. I just want to say that it's never too late to start something good. Just know this we all are here for you and i am 100% certain that there are things in life which will give you 1000 % happiness and peace than porn. I just want to let you know that you are a WARRIOR and you'll win this battle for sure. Just never give up.

 

Friend, seriously this is the same thing my mind is telling me, it is saying that you are wasting your time doing pmo and not doing anything productive so just watch porn and masturbate and then do your work. This mind is really good at these games.

 

I will fight with these urges friend, i will never give up. Thank you so much friend

 

Thank u so much friend for checking in on me, it really means a lot to me. My streak is going good till now but every night i experience strong urges and right now i was watching my study lecture but i was unable to concentrate because of the urges, i don't know what is happening but my mind is telling me to watch porn but i don't want to watch porn, it is happening every night so i am getting used to these urges and i am fighting these urges as hard as i can.

 

Urges are hitting me but i will not give up, i know i write this everytime but i don't want to relapse and my mind is playing with me it is screaming for porn but not this time,I will fight till the end, i don't know how far i would go, it is really true that if someone can control his mind and senses he will be invincible and no force on the planet can stop him.

 

Yesterday night was the toughest for me. I was on the verge of a relapse but i get frustrated and went to sleep. Yesterday I saw what strong urges feels like. I do searched the actress name but i didn't proceed further. I don't know how long will this happen but i have to do something about these night time urges.

 

I was wondering about last night, i searched about that actress name and i saw her photos(non sexual) then i closed it as i was getting sexual excited, should i consider this a relapse?

 

I am feeling shortness of breath, don't know what to do. I think i am getting an anxiety attack. Don't know what will happen next.

 

I went to my parents room after i was experiencing the anxiety attack, we had a great time together but now i am back in my room, i feel fear inside, something is not feeling right. My addicted mind is now showing withdrawal symptoms, let's see how this fight ends up.

 

I think i will give in to this urge. I don't know what to do but it is eating me from inside. In these 22 days i have visited this website very frequently and i was spending my free time on this website. I could have started my journey with some productive work but all I did was research on nofap, that's why every night my mind thinks that it will get that porn. I want to let you guys know that even if i relapse today i won't quit fighting.

 

I have decided i will watch porn and masturbate after completing 30 days, i have to reach that mark. After that I'll decide what to do.

 

I don't know friend how i can control urges because at night these urges become really strong, even motivational videos does not work for me. But fortunately I spent last night by sleeping.

 

Day 22
The day went as usual i didn't experience sexual urges but at night i was at the verge of a relapse but i got frustrated and stopped.

Day 23
I did experience mild urges at daytime and i resisted them by going outside and spending time with my family but at night the urges were strong but i have made up my mind to go atleast for 30 days that gave me some willpower to resist them and went to sleep after that.

 

Thank u so much sir, i am really facing a hard time mostly at night. Whenever I feel that the situation is difficult for me to handle i write it in my journal, it also help me in a way and i am very happy that you are doubling your efforts. I wish you all the power to fight this addiction.

 

Urges have become mild so that's a relief, I'll try to sleep now. See you guys on day 25. Stay strong and stay safe.