how to deal with it?

When i was at your age i did all the opposite my dad told me to do. For me it was a rebellion and a way to make my path avoiding any other external expectation or wish. I kept every thing inside me and probably distressed a lot with PMO. Looking back i still don't know how i should had manage it better, maybe i couldn't maybe i could. Now that choice about how distress asked me a huge price in my life and i'm paying it. So if you have to choose between having a real and healthy hobby or PMO , be strong , tell your parents and follow your path, once you will show them that you are able to handle it without endanger academic stuff they will easy up. Just a point of view, stay strong and live the life you want.

 

First, don't avoid worthlessness sentiments, always make them clear as possible. Keeping ourselves blind to our goals (this case, letting go of the burden) is desirable because it keeps away the feelings of failing.

Parents who compare constantly are hurt by seeing their peers succeed in parenting. There's a low grade narcissism guiding their behavior and you probably internalized some judgmental voices in order to prevent being caught by surprise. If we fix the problem before it arises to the external world, then we have a little peace of mind. It was once adaptive and now must be let go of. You are the man shaped by past experiences, make peace with him - stop trying to change the present and no, the future doesn't exist.

You were dealt a bad hand so make the most out of it, there's no use acting like you can choose a new starting hand.

I hope you realized by now that things are not your fault, in proportion, as you think. Our interpretation frameworks are deceiving and often distort memory recall. You aren't the sole perpetrator of your past, you don't have as much control as you like to think. Life is an infinite rhyzome of misfortune and you just happened to react poorly.

People get hurt all the time, you can't shelter them as much as you'd want to. The issue with your suffering you that your self-awareness + susceptibility to stimuli is higher than the average person. Your twisted mind is product of bad conditioning - you can revert that by training the body and feeding it the right stuff. This vessel is a result of eons of evolutionary pressure, don't make the mistake of limiting how much strain it can actually bear. You won't become a muscle head by going all-in so don't fret about numbing your intellect.

 

Start practicing loving kindness meditation
It might take a while but it really works.
Every time I do it, people seem to love me more,babies too even animals. It also helps me feel better.
I’m on a new streak and I’ve been practicing it everyday. It has been helping me