22 yo STEM student

Hey all!
I am Mr. Inglorious, a prospective graduate student and a junior researcher from India. When I was 15, I realised I was gay. During the initial phases of my identity exploration, I had to deal with extreme amounts of sexuality related anxiety resulting from my closetedness. To overcome my stress, I began watching porn that gave me a weird, but a nice feeling and at the age of 16, did my first ejaculation. Since then, I grew uncontrollably interested in porn and gradually got addicted to it.

But then, I was academically very successful and this part of me was consuming my time and energy that I always had to make up for it. Slowly, I began jerking off on a daily basis. In 2020, when lockdown was announced I came back to my home from my hostel and began jerking two times a day. It then grew to 3 times. Somehow I got inspiration from few movies and had decided to come out in the same year. At the age of 20, I came out to my friends. Coming out is a glorious point in my life that I stopped watching porn for 2 months without even realisation. Unfortunately, I relapsed.

I have been here twice before from my anonymous gmail accounts that I use for porn subscription. But today I realised I better use my personal email id to emphasize my inner self that I'm serious about quitting. The new year is to begin in a week and I cannot imagine a better period to start my sobriety. Wish me the best!!

 

Good that you realize it early on in life while it’s easier to make a change. I started around age 12 because of my older brother showing me porn and masturbating. That was 30 years ago now. During the ages of 13-20 I would jerk off about 3-4 and upwards of 7 times in a day. I would even do jerk in the school bathroom. This led to a lot of bad behaviors like giving oral sex to random men and having random sex with men and women. I’m tired of this life as it has taken over a big part of me and I want to be free of it as well. Good luck!

 

Understandable. It's warm to see you confessing your dark sides. Porn addiction, unlike other addictions, are really not confessable to anyone. My porn interests are absolutely weird and I have experimented with vaSTcategories from A to Z. I can apparently see my youth getting wasted but cannot help it. But I know that this is no normal at all and has to be treated. I have realised that talking about it can genuinely demote the addiction. Thanks for your wishes!!