The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 13

Increased urges today, the thought of relapsing played on my mind throughout the afternoon which really annoyed me. I’m finding it harder to stop my train of thought and almost turned to having a drink to distract myself - but obviously this would have been a poor coping mechanism so I decided to have a herbal tea and stilled myself by preparing to go to bed.

On a side note I’d definitely recommend a nighttime tea blend - I find when I’m well rested I can focus my mind away from PMO, and a hot herbal tea a few hours before bed really helps to slow my mind and body down, which I’ve found can help with urges.

 

Checking in. Tired, lol.
Getting offline.

 

Day 333

 

Day 160 & 161

 

Day 5 report! Hang in there fellow orcs! We can do this!!

 

Thank you @ListenPaul ,@Slider8 and @RiseToGreatness , let’s do great things together!

Day 31 complete!

My sleep is getting thiner, I drink cofee every day. My desires are rising (I looked at some girls with desire while online and offline) and fantasies coming back. And it is mostly because I am starting my new job (today will be the first day in the office). But it’s almost weekend so I hope to get rested and calm soon.

 

Day 1

 

Day 14

 

Good tidings! Work seems to be very pleased with me. We continue on!!

Day 11 - Uruk-Hai, The Dark Tower Barad-Dûr

 

Thanks for the compliment but I’m not sure I should be anyones example just yet. I do agree that you have to stay alert and always be on your guard against a relapse. In the past when I have relapsed after a decent streak it has been after thinking “I’m good. This is easy. I’m not gonna relapse.” This streak I keep telling myself to stay alert because I know a streak can be lost in one tiny second bad decision.

 

Great advice! I actually walked over 17,000 steps yesterday.

 

Day 326 no PMO. Yesterday started out as a good day for me. I played golf and went for several long walks. Everything was going good but when I got back to the hotel room last night I turned on Netflix and was served an advertisement for a show with scantily clothed young ladies. I fought against the urge for some time but ultimately I watched the trailer. Luckily the trailer was totally clean and I didn’t continue down the path. I’m disappointed in myself but also feel lucky to still have my streak alive. I gotta get out of this hotel. I haven’t really seen my family in a week. Hoping for a negative Covid test today and then I can head home. I know I’m not there yet but I wonder if this journey will ever end. Will I be fighting this addiction the rest of my life? On the positive side I can say that each temptation I face along the path shows me that I have to keep fighting. As I mentioned above: I have fallen several times after assuming “I’m good” so I guess it’s helpful to have a situation like last night remind me that I in fact am NOT GOOD. Not yet anyway. Good luck today everyone. I’ve gotta believe that if we stick with it we will eventually reach our goals.

 

Checking in! Everything alright and nothing bad to report here.

Strenght & Honor!

 

The beginning of day three

A special kind of day. The feeling of a new hope in the air. I truly love day three, it’s the time when I truly feel like I’m starting to walk the right path.

I’ve continued to read the book about quitting smoking, and he writes a couple of questions that I must ask myself. The first is simply what am I getting from this habit? and the second is do I really enjoy it?

These are really hard questions to answers. The simple answer to the second question is that I feel like I do enjoy it. the O part of PMO is usually a feeling of euphoria and the edging itself has a constant feeling of buildup + the novelty feeling of wondering what the next video / story would be.

But it falls apart completely when I think about the first question. Because the thing I get most from this addiction is to “Not Exist” for some time. While I PMO I don’t feel sadness, anger, depression or even normal feelings like hunger or tiredness. In the moment I don’t even “feel” good emotions. Only compulsions to keep going. For about five years I used to smoke weed daily and having a binging session while I was high was the closest thing to being dead as I can think about. It was like sleeping in some way. I would get into it. And “wake up” sometimes 6 hours later, only I would wake up completely broken. With pain in my back and eyes, and with the worst brain fog that made me feel like the only thing I can do is just PMO some more.

The stupider part of my enjoinment is because of my personality. I love obsessing about stuff I love. I’ve memories as many of the roman emperors as I could because I love history. I’ve read the LOTR more than 50 times I think because it is my favorite book. And in some weird way I’ve gotten obsessed with the world of porn and simply started learning everything I could about the people who makes that industry. And I’ve spent HOURS almost studying about my favorite pornstars until it became a hobby in itself. I haven’t watched a single episode of the Kardashian, and I don’t have any idea who are then exactly. But I can name a pornstar in every letter of the ABC (I’ve actually done it) and I’ve was obsessed to the BTS lives of them. None of it has any real point, and it is not a reason to keep watching porn. But it is just weird. I’ve spent so much time that it is just strange to think about life without it.

 

My pleasure, I hope my post was helpful to you. I will be adding more this week or so.

 

Checking in Fellowship Friends!

358 days free of MO and day 430 free of porn.

I have been holding true to my goal of meditation so far for the month of January, it is also a nice change of pace to give the mind a break and observe. I have had a another busy week yet again, very few urges arose and it was mostly in moments of heightened stress. I'm thankful for the awareness I have acquired. It has taken time, but overall I am capable of noticing what the underlying cause is and call it out.

I had mentioned a long while back that I applied for a higher position, anxiety and stress arose right away due to the "threat" of potential change. I had almost withdrawn my candidacy, with awareness I noticed the desire to avoid out of fear. Thankfully, I did not. I bring good news, I ended up being successfully chosen as the canditate. I am quite happy for many reasons, but the biggest being facing the fear of change.

I would like to take the time to mention the importance of self-talk. Please be mindful, how you are treating yourself. Take the time to appreciate the good in you, even if you may think it is not there. We all have our qualities. PMO, amongst other addictions are good at covering them up. We end up doubting ourselves and focusing on the negative, this spirals into a self-destructive thought pattern which encourages more addictive consumption. It is very important along the journey, in fact they go hand in hand.

Forgive me for the lack of check ins, for the time being I may only be checking in once or twice a week.

This is not an easy journey, but it is worthwhile my friends.

Stay strong!

 

Think of the this period as the opportunity cost for real happiness. There are things you can do to alleviate some of the feelings. Exercise/proper diet/meditate/go outside/gratitude, amongst others that I'm certain you already do. Aside from that, you are correct. A big part of this is time, your dopamine/serotonin receptors are recovering from the high level hits of dopamine it got for a long while. Adapting and teaching you brain new ways to face and handle your stress is also draining and achieved after a lot of practice.

Don't give in, it is a very normal part of the journey. This is where you must do your best to remain away from PMO. Your mind is tackling one of its many phases of shifts.

 

Have a good rest and take care mate.

Day 28 here

 

Day 62 checking in.Caught a cold yesterday and slowly getting better. Studies for the most of the day and no cold shower
Learning to do the right thing every time can be the best habit we can develop.Which is somewhat akin to the skill development where first we have to study, then to keep it in mind while practicing it and then practice it without thinking about it!

 

Day 14

Nice and relaxing day - finished up college by midday and then went for a 1.5km swim, first time I’ve reached that distance since my hiatus. The day was then complicated by the resurgence of urges, I could have been moments from relapsing throughout most of the afternoon, but I had to keep asking myself why I wanted to quit PMO in the first place.

I want to be free from PMO because if and when I have a family I do not want to bring this addiction with me, not only would I consider it cheating on my wife, but I can’t bear the idea of my children going though the same struggles I have.

Had a good conversation with my flatmate yesterday about willpower - we both want to strengthen our resolve in 2022, so why not kick things off by beating an addiction! Not long until I reach the Green Dragon before continuing with my journey!