The Lord of the Rings Challenge

In my case this partially stopped after a few months (still having them sometimes). When I realize that I'm thinking like that I would instantly look away and think something like "don't think her that way, she is much more than that, she is a person with mind, feelings, life."
This would kill that bad thought

 

I don't know if i will have the discipline to do that, but it is relieving to know that eventually these thoughts go down.

 

Check in day 121

 

Graduated to Uruk Hai...feels kind of annoying, those guys were a****es...I guess I'll stay strong and I'll be a hobbit soon!
Having porn dreams which I have experienced every time I start a new streak. It´s a sign that the brain wants something it can´t have, trying to treat it like a milestone in my progress.

 

The dreams are definitely a sign of healing and I like your idea today treating them as a milestone. They will diminish in time.

 

Day 2!
Sad, problems with the girl that I'm dating but trying to solve them (even if I have to quit dating her). But grateful with a lot of things too. Trying to have my mind focused in my work and personal projects. Keeping strongh my brothers.

 

Day 42. Going through flatline symptoms. Have been feeling weird and dizzy in brain. I dont feel horny but im afraid the urges will come back stronger then ever soon and I will try my best to prepare for it.

 

Day 15 !

 

‘Frodo! Master!’ he called. There was no answer. For a moment he stood, his heart beating with wild fears, and then he plunged in. A shadow followed him.

At first he could see nothing. In his great need he drew out once more the phial of Galadriel, but it was pale and cold in his trembling hand and threw no light into that stifling dark. He was come to the heart of the realm of Sauron and the forges of his ancient might, greatest in Middle-earth; all other powers were here subdued.

(…)

The light sprang up again, and there on the brink of the chasm, at the very Crack of Doom, stood Frodo, black against the glare, tense, erect, but still as if he had been turned to stone.

‘Master!’ cried Sam.

Then Frodo stirred and spoke with a clear voice, indeed with a voice clearer and more powerful than Sam had ever heard him use, and it rose above the throb and turmoil of Mount Doom, ringing in the roof and walls.

‘I have come,’ he said. ‘But I do not choose now to do what I came to do. I will not do this deed. The Ring is mine!’ And suddenly, as he set it on his finger, he vanished from Sam’s sight.

(…)

And far away, as Frodo put on the Ring and claimed it for his own, even in Sammath Naur the very heart of his realm, the Power in Barad-dûr was shaken, and the Tower trembled from its foundations to its proud and bitter crown. The Dark Lord was suddenly aware of him, and his Eye piercing all shadows looked across the plain to the door that he had made; and the magnitude of his own folly was revealed to him in a blinding flash, and all the devices of his enemies were at last laid bare. Then his wrath blazed in consuming flame, but his fear rose like a vast black smoke to choke him. For he knew his deadly peril and the thread upon which his doom now hung.

(…)

At his summons, wheeling with a rending cry, in a last desperate race there flew, faster than the winds, the Nazgûl, the Ring-wraiths, and with a storm of wings they hurtled southwards to Mount Doom.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________

-Hi. Thanks for taking the time to read this fragment of LOTR. I´m writing this in my 499 day streak of not using porn and NoFap. I´m only a few hours away from reaching my destination. I´ve come a long way since i started. It´s difficult to believe, but i started a year and a half ago, and i´ve spent all this time away from P and M. I myself thought it was impossible, yet here i am. I´ve endured pain, cravings, despair, anxiety, loneliness, fear... and i still made it.

Then, why did i choose to post this fragment specifically? Two reasons:

-The first is to thank God. As Tolkien himself stated in one of his letters, Frodo didn´t succeed at the end, because even with all of his humbleness, strenght and determination, mankind is still weak. And only by accepting this hard truth, is that we are open to God´s help. I prayed him and Virigin Mary everyday, and everyday thanked him for this beautiful gift: Freedom. Freedom in thought, freedom in feeling, freedom in act and freedom in love.

-The second is to share a personal story of mine, which i find kind of curious for it´s similarity with Frodo´s. A few weeks ago i was thinking that this victory was already assured. That nothing could make me fall. That i was unbeatable. Well, was i wrong.
Just a few days ago, i over-indulge myself while surfing the internet. It wasn´t videos, photos, or stories. They were just articles and personal experiences, nothing you could consider pornographic, yet a clear p-sub for me.
I knew that i was indulging, but i allowed myself to ignore that warnings. Fortunately, it didn´t came to more.
But in that moment, my mind was considering clinging into a twisted desire i had already rejected in order to reach happiness.
Even after reaching this point, feeling so good, and rationally knowing how harmful porn is, my heart is still weak. It yearns for more, but it is hopeless, and coward to fight for what it wants. It is so weak, that it would rather sacrifice all we have achieved just for a momentarily relief, a comforting, yet ephemeral, moment of pleasure.

My former addiction is still in there. It cannot be erradicated, only silenced for an undefined amount of time. Unlike Sauron, he won´t be defeated by reaching 90, 180 or 500 days. It will never go fully away, because it is rooted in the deepest desires of my heart. It is waiting, crouched like Gollum, until i show a sign of doubt, to strike back. And if i don´t stand firm, focused on the REAL way to bring my desires to it´s fullest, he will take over again.

I´ve always wanted to become unbreakable. Now i understand that is impossible. You cannot "become" unbreakable. You choose to be unbreakable, every day of the year, every hour of the day, every and each minute.

Stay strong brothers. It IS worth it.

 

Oh it is been a tiring journey , it has devastated me physically and mentally . I could have got whatever I want ,but my inability to control my feelings has brought me into this state.

Mission: Breaking free

 

Brothers, I've relapsed
I woke up today restless and tired from a bad sleep night, which made my symptoms feel even worse. I really didn't manage well the stress of this infetcion. This makes me feel both angry (for the bad luck of getting sick, which makes things harded) and disappoited with myself for not having enough discipline to deal with this disease. Anyways, besides from that, I think it was a good streak. I was intesely tempted throughout it, but I resisted a lot. Now I'll start over again and do my best.

 

Hey guys. Had a pretty bad weekend. I have touched base w/ my AP about it in more detail. I am back at it.

I'm feeling pretty disgusted w/ PMO and everything it entails. Looking to change some habits and thought patterns. I have already been far more disciplined this week (at least since yesterday) and it feels good.

I know I can beat this because I still have life in me. I can feel my will and my reason returning.

 

Day 9 - the second day being an Uruk – Hai. I confess that it has been a helpful week, with my children at home and I confined so I don't go out and watch "urge crafters". It helps me to control my mind. Let's see next week. But I have my hopes up. I want to become a Hobbit and begin the journey.

On the other hand. Being in this challenge increases my desire to watch Lord of the Rings again

 

This looks like a great idea for rebooting. I'm in, day 3 so I'm an Ork. Lovely.

 

It's one of the good indicators allowing you to evaluate the real influence of pmoing on your health and motivation to exercise.

 

Congratulations brother ! Well done!

 

Check in for Day 10.

Today I was more stabile and also had time to really explain my finace what boarded me up the last time. I could explain the reason behind the conflict and had enough courage to really tell what I want. We have not yet made the final decision to move on, we decided to find out if all the mayor topics in our lifes are acceptable for each other or if one decision would divide our path. Decisions that we could not change, decisions that would be against our values.

So I am proud that we had a good video call today (we always call because we live 4500km apart from each other).
I am proud that we did not avoid the thought reality.

Anyway had no time to think about M and had no urges. Like the way it goes in this area.

Greetings
J

 

How are you doing mates? It's been a while since I've posted. No relapse, but just focusing on staying sharp with a chaotic work schedule, as always.i'ts a good occasion to see what effects such a schedule has on the self, and let me tell you.. if you have the possibility of sleeping in at the same hour, that feels way better than not doing it. I wish you the best. Until next time, appreciate yourselves!

 

Day 26

This really hit home for me. After talking with ex-PMO addicts and those on a journey of recovery, the more I realise that we’re never exactly ‘free’ of this addiction, instead we become equipped with the means to fight it harder each and every day.

@Red Riot I applaud you for your remarkable achievement of 500 days free from PMO, this is truly a moment to celebrate and please know that your journey and testimony will serve as inspiration for current and future members of this forum. You are right, it IS worth it, and life is all the better for it.

 

Brother you know that thoughts are BS...
You are absolutely free my friend, but you know what comes with that decision. Darkness will enter in your mind and soul. It will leave a mark, a feeling of hollowness it's not all you get from falling.

2 days ago I had urges you know? I didn't post this but these urges came to a "climax" where I had to decide to fall or not. I'd want you to try what I did to get free of those urges:

I went into my room and start speaking out loud to the invisible demons that were tempting me:

- Get away from me, I already rejected you!
You evil spirit, fool spirit who decided to get away from God, I won't take your path, I won't suffer like you are. Get away in name of my God, your God, Jesus. You may be strong but God is all mighty, you don't have a chance to defeat him nor me, a son of God, protected by Him. Get away from here in name of your Queen, who you hate so much but it's much grater and powerful than you are, I won't fall on your hands again.