THE SUPER SAIYAN CHALLENGE! What is your Power Level?! (RANKS ARE BACK, GET YOURS NOW!

Well

I’m no longer concerning myself with ejaculation or orgasm. I’m just trying to not fantasize or masturbate. Honestly whatever just don’t madturbate lol

fantasizing isn’t good either and neither is ekaculation or orgasm I guess cause they make me feel all like empty inside.

jsjsjsjs

 

Spoiler: Explicit info and Relapse

soo I just relapsed and masturbated five times today. I think in part it’s my friend who is down to swear and masturbate like whatever’s but she’s helping me get over my ex so whatever’s? Swearings not good for me either but I’m not gonna try to suddenly abstain from ten things. We got rid of the drug addiction the video game and porn addictions for years now. It’s time to get rid of masturbating once and for all. So saith the Buddha’s!!!!! Murrrrr. Darn. Getting more intense about not ejaculating and not swearing or moaning or grunting can come later. Although I set my intention to abolish all of these things. Despite having friends who do much of them. Because I can’t afford to be too choosy with my friends when I’ve literally been alone with my mom for three years celibate and I’m lonely. I’m in my early thirties I want to have sex man. I don’t want to waste my youth laying on my bed jerking off. I want to spend that time becoming more attractive and messaging and preparing to go meet people and such and such. I’m very apprehensive about going to bars with groups of singles looking to mingle. I wish I could bring a friend to help me stay sober -_- but I have only one friend nearby and they like erm uhm uh Om they don’t wanna hang out cause of covid or whatever. Meh. Also probably because they have some romantic interest in me and don’t wanna catch feelings or like it’s too soon for her to feel comfortable meeting me. So we just text. And it was so nice and kinda flirty energy. Then I asked her out and she didn’t wanna. Since then it’s been more platonic and less flirty energy. Man what a bummer that I had wet dream last night but it’s for the best for sure because it helped me realize I was trying for too much too fast. I can’t cut all five things at once. Just gonna stop the masturbating. If I can stop the others too great I’ll try but my willpower and all peoples willpower generally runs out. So I need to save it all to stop the madturbatinf . I just think about Buddha and it helps me not come or like fantasize whatever. Yep. My dick is huge. I just want to put it in a girl. Meh. Yeah whatever. Once I go a day without jerking it or fantasizing I’ll be fine and just thankful dor any female company even a text. My very holy like not swearing fapping ir fantasizing me. Girls like because it’s not very sexual and I’m just very loving and kind. I treat everyone well.

People were chill at yoga today. Saw Michael and Kathy. Lynn the teachers chill. Lol she told me she smokes weed when I asked her vices. She said it’s not a vice as she moderates well so she doesn’t have vices she has fun. Hehe that’s cute. I don’t touch sweets deep fried and I don’t think I’ll do red meat. I don’t much care for the other religions right now. I just wanna read Buddhist stuff. I’m so done with Brahmacharya and Hinduism right now =_=9_9 I guess I might still need the Hindu affirmations for sexual purity but idk they’re kinda exhausting I like just wanna buddhism aside from the random Om chanting we do at yoga and say namaste. Yeh. Yeah m . Meh. It’s fine I’m good everything’s fine. I got messages from two very cute Asian girls and we chatted aaaannnnddd they either went to sleep or they ghosted haha. Oh well. The only girls staying consistent are my yoga teacher friend from grad school the Chinese girl my family tried to set me up with but neither of us were ready to date. She was so cute how she said like you’re so good looking and spiritual and yoga. Like repeatedly lol. And did all these hair tosses when we talked. But the thing I liked about her most was she was into buddhism and said it’s in her blood. That she could talk at more length than most people I meet about anime what she likes quotes lines things like that. She appreciates my story telling ability and my poetry. I wonder if she’ll like my singing or my drawing. I sent her a pic but she didn’t mention it so idk. What ? I have a sweet pic of me in a tanjiro mask in front of the Buddha so that’s cool. She makes me wanna watch demon slayer and go deeper into Buddha dharma. That books so good I gotta complete all six hundred pages lol. About 800 down 600 to go. Hehe but one page at a time. One word at a time. One letter one moment at a time. Ah life is good again I’m getting my spiritual energy back. I’m letting go of my ex. I have already let her go. I let go of my ex. I am over my exes now. It’s okay. We can just be friends. I got coffee social tomorrow evening with singles my age. Then a birthday party for old coworkers Wednesday. Sunday I have a museum tour and optional food and drinks after with singles . And Saturday I’ll either yoga and weights to chat with my yogis. Or I can go out with Julia. Shannon and Katie are like not ready yet. Been texting Katie dor over a week daily I think. She’s mad consistent and funny good for her. I dunno may I somehow get better at talking to girls. The really cute ones will respond and even message me sometimes but then it hasn’t lasted so far no hang outs yet. Except Julia who seems down to hang whenever but she doesn’t text. Just meetup lol. What? It’s like I wouldn’t even have a girlfriend then??? What the heck will I do all week with no one to talk to? I want a girl to text me daily. I want that secure attachment okie? Katie’s good like that. She thick though. Not like too thick and she does hit the gym so it’s not like she can’t get leaner. But I’d like a girl who is basically Katie but leaner. So I guess that means I wouldn’t mind dating her. She could get fitter and I think she is? I mean I’m 6”1 165 lbs 9% body fat. I have abs but they aren’t epic six pack yet just pretty visible. I can do forty push ups bench 185 squat 170 deadlift 215. Twelve pull ups fifteen dips. Eh? Fifteen finger push ups. 1.5 hour yoga class. Thirty minutes of HIIT running. Stable career and family support. Long term sobriety and video game abstinence. Tackling fapping now. I’ve been told I’m handsome often. My penis is in the top 3% largest in the world. I’ve been told often I’m good at sex. Or I “do it like a pornstar” and I’m a total hunk. I like my style. I’m spiritual I pray positive affirmation and meditate daily. I never miss work. Like I exercise daily for an hour or more. Idk? I can do a half planche crow side crow flying pigeon whatever sit on the ground for hours cross legged and meditate. I’m good enough. Like what do I have to do to get a girls that’s my type and I feel is about the same mate value as me? Am I not like attractive enough inner and outer? Is it because I’m half Asian half white? What? Hobesrly I think what it is is that I haven’t been dating for a long time. I mean like four years since I dated. So there’s a lot of learning to talk to girls again as a 33yo and not a 29yo. The girls are more mature and probably like it’s different, I’m different. I have to find a better way to make it work. I’m kinda glad Katie and Shannon aren’t down to hang with me this weekend. I like taking it slow and just talking for a while. But the. It’s like well cross the meeting up for the first time bridge when we get there.

Dunno if I’ll see Julia again. She whatever’s idk. Man. Murr I’m trying to not overidealize them so I’ll focus on the negative about her for a second. Uhm. She’s thic short acne scars although I can’t judge I have them too. And uh ? She’s not responsive over text. That’s the main issue. She’s done Pilates five years. So I know she can get in better shape she not that thick or I would t have met up.

She’s quiet I guess that’s not a flaw though haha. Crap I’m being positive so fast again. Being positive and loving towards girls and overlooking flaws is like my natural state like my dad. But I’m focusing on flaws early on so I don’t fall into the trap I did with my exes where I overlooked all the red flags. Like how she kept saying she left all her exes as soon as things got tough. But she was gonna try with me and eventually left when it got tough with us. She didn’t try to work through it with me bummer eh

so yeah Julia also???!!!!!????? What? I guess she just isn’t responsive over text. Also that’s not that bad because I can spend a lot more time doing svadyaya. Or hobbies And know she’s just faithful and gonna meet up to hike grub and eventually …make love?

The skin thickness responsiveness and little hair she hasn’t waxed on upper lip aren’t serious dealbreakers. She’s Buddhist too. This is good she’s the third Buddhist girl I’ve talked to this week thanks Buddha! S2. Is Katie Buddhist? Haha.

I guess I can hang with Julia then. She could always do something about all those yellow flags if she wanted to. Whatever. I could probably deal with her as my gf as is if it got there someday. But of course I’m keeping my options open. Because Samantha is a dime at the gym. But she’s not Buddhist idk if that’s work I think she’s Muslim? She gotta hamsa tattoo. Her waist is so thin and her boobs and butt are shapely. She can incline dumbbell press 52.5’s. What??? Lol. She’s hot girl. Maybe I idk imma just chat with her end not even ask about hanging out for till she insinuates it. ???? Like why jump the gun I’m not a in a hurry. If someone else swoops her up it’s still not a big deal and hopefully I can just stay her gym friend. Or hang out in the friend zone with her. Sorry I’m not into the like macho culture of not being allowed to be in the friend zone with anyone. I like being friends with girls. It’s nice. It’s even nicer when they have a boyfriend and we’re both doing our best to be just friends and don’t touch each other. Call me prude or innocent. I thin being innocent and wholesome is nicer than just having sex within a month of knowing someone. 0


Oh Lucy. She’s my ex. We’re just friends she married now. She’s so kind to me tho still t.t

siez. I don’t think I could date her though. She gets too rough. Her bf probably had thicker skin than me so he can hang with her way. Lol her gym friends all call her mean, I was praying for her to like have constructive criticism and she was like

“ugh fine I’ll stop” hehehehe she’s hilarious thanks Buddha for helping us. Yeah. It’s chill. Overall my ejaculating and masturbating has dramatically lowered since I got on here like six months ago? Jeez wish I had a six month nofap streak but I was beating myself up over wet dreams and resetting the counter even tho I didn’t fap. Just putting too much pressure on myself to be super celibate or Superman I’m so many ways. Meh. It’s k.

I am beautiful anyways and very much love and care about myself. Muah self.

I still want it with Shannon the most. She just has so much going for her. But we have to take it soooooo slow. But it’s fine we can give it time so much time with me. As long as I can pursue others until she and I are ready to try.

Lol when we first met our matchmaker was talking about helping us buy furniture for our house once we get married XD

That’s funny. I have flaws too ok. We’re all a work in progress. I’m a little low on body weight I have some very minor acne scarring I don’t have much hair cuz I shave it I have minimal experience in talking to courting and dating women I used to have issues with gaming girls and being impatient about sex and trying to change girls. I used to look at girls as fixer uppers sometimes which I realize isn’t right. Makes them feel like they’re a broken down house and not good enough for me. :/

I’m glad to be dating and to be hit with the reality that this is what I can get at this moment in time. Right. Word. Just so many. Darn tho. When I go out and talk it’s like a whole new world. It’s suddenly more apparent how tall jacked funny and articulate I am. And so much less apparent that I’m a halfie and not full white I guess? I dunno I feel like I come across better in person. The girls I get a chance at are like always really lean pretty clear skin tall have hobbies and so on. I think it’s the fact I’m not scared to go talk to a girl in person. And they see this as like a bold thing I do because most guys won’t just go chat up a girl. Amen

I guess height is also more apparent in person then on a app photo tho.

Okay much love to you all and extra love for those who like my posts S2

 

Spoiler: Love poem

Hi friend ^-^*

it’s good to know you

to get to know you

I’m glad that I love everyone

so I don’t have to feel ashamed

of loving you too

I share with you and don’t feel like a simp

for texting you more than you text me

sharing the dharma with you

I think

I trust you



you’re my friend or at least I see you

as one

I want to be closer

to see you in person

we just text for now and it’s okie

I like your texts. You’re supportive

and encouraging. You have similar

interests. Anime buddhism and fitness

haha that’s great.

I’m more intense about the stuff. But

I wonder if you’re intense about

something I don’t know about? Omm

you’re a friend that

I text with and we used to date

and you’d tell me compliments

that made me blush

I felt so

shocked and embarrassed

to be told I was so good looking

and spiritual yogi zen

——————-

I could only do three pull ups then.

and you said it’s okie

and now I can do twelve

I wonder if you’d be proud of that

Doesn’t matter to me though much

You do more than enough

encouraging

thank you

Shannon

 

Think I’m gonna try to be mor moderate now. Being hardcore seems to work best for me. Half measures availed us nothing right.m?

My interest in maintaining my streak has been so low lately. -_-

I feel weak and empty

like I can’t do anything

like I don’t matter

nothing matters

I felt so good before

when I maintained

just nineteen days of semen retention

and got triggered by updating my

warrior status

That seems so weak

to break from a status update

cries t.t

this streak is most important

but I want to maintain it

while socializing

while dating

what do I do?

maybe read Brahmacharya couple pages

each day and do his mantras

will be fine eh yeah maybe right ?

Spoiler: Hindu mantra

Om Namah sivaya I think it is