1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Why is it so hard to get a girlfriend?

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by ugotthis, Feb 17, 2022.

  1. ugotthis

    ugotthis Fapstronaut

    8
    24
    3
    I am not gay, but if I wanted a boyfriend I could find one immediately. But, I want to find the opposite sex. Why is it so hard to do that, do girls even have a drive? Why is it so easy for girls to find a boyfriend? But for us it is so hard to do the opposite?
     
    Fantareality and The Evangelist like this.
  2. Read some fanfiction or one of those WebToons stories I see sometimes. Women definitely have a drive.

    Edit: Also I think you're confusing "boyfriend/girlfriend" with just somebody to have sex with. I heavily doubt "boyfriends" just fall into women's laps.
     
  3. Lol thank you. I'm tired of this mindset. Go on any female-dominated forum like this, and you will see tons of women asking "why is it so hard to find a boyfriend." It's not easy on either end, and it greatly depends on what you're actually looking for.
     
  4. What are you looking for when you say you want to find a girlfriend?
     
  5. ugotthis

    ugotthis Fapstronaut

    8
    24
    3
    I think a girl can easily find a decent guy and then stay with him. But for us to do the same is very difficult. So, in a way they fell into women's laps.
     
  6. ugotthis

    ugotthis Fapstronaut

    8
    24
    3
    A normal relationship, with a goal of dating and getting to know each other.
     
    hydrothunder likes this.
  7. ugotthis

    ugotthis Fapstronaut

    8
    24
    3
    Yep, there are many questions like that on female dominated websites, but from what I see it is extremely easy for girls. They don't have to do anything to fell into a relationship.
     
  8. Dude, you are just completely wrong. You're ignoring reality in favor of your own assumptions. Women do not have relationships fall into their laps.

    Maybe this is why you have a hard time getting to know women. If you ignore their experiences and just assume you know better, when they tell you your assumptions aren't true, they're probably not going to want to get to know you.
     
    Rehab101, Brain-Police and Mixolydian like this.
  9. BootstrapBill

    BootstrapBill Fapstronaut

    53
    102
    33
    Are you actively trying to find a girlfriend or just lost as to how ?

    That aside for the most part it's usually the male who initiates some communication and to try and win her over . Not always obviously, most of the girls I've dated hit on me and asked me out . But generally girls you don't know at all especially of there are males popping out of the woodwork , and especially younger women you shave some work on your hands .

    Women these Im guessing wait for the guy . So unless your actually being proactive in finding a girl chances are your shooting yourself in the foot on that front . Because as said some women probably alot of women but mainly younger girls arent as open to random advances from random guys . Mostly it seems frowned upon these days unless the situation is appropriate. So yes realistically it's s but of a mindfield . If you don't go out to bard and clubs and say you work in a predominantly male environment. And you don't do internet dating apps . Chances of meeting women besides the odd glance . Actually getting somewhere is slim . The only way to find a girl is to actually pursue finding a girl . Women have it easier because of that fact where there's an attractive woman there's other males who show her interest . Which is probably why it is easier . Unless your socialising chances are there's already some dude in the picture .

    The best place to find a gf is through social networking. Any gf I've had has been through social networks and the likes of further education girls in my class . People you see almost everyday . You can't expect to just create a girlfriend from random encounters at a grocery store that shits almost mythical and probably some kind of fantasy than an actual reality
     
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2022
    Rehab101 and becomingreat like this.
  10. BootstrapBill

    BootstrapBill Fapstronaut

    53
    102
    33
    He may not even be aware of there experiences , probably because there is no communication
     
  11. I just told him that women do not have boyfriends fall in their lap and that so many women are asking the same question about how to find a boyfriend, and he literally said "I'm sure they ask that, but I still believe guys just fall in their laps."

    I'm a woman, who just told him what women's experiences are like, and his response was "yeah, yeah, whatever, I still believe my random, unfounded assumption with no evidence over your lifetime of experience."

    And even if he didn't know their experiences, making a random assumption that you have no proof for and basing your entire mindset on that is silly, especially when it's such a negative assumption that will only cause you to feel worse. And it's extra silly when two different people tell you you're incorrect, and you just refuse to accept it.

    I thought it might be encouraging and helpful for him to live in reality and understand that women struggle with this too, and they are probably more understanding of this struggle than he thinks. But he is choosing to ignore everything I said and just continue to believe a lie. So yeah, I would say that might be a reason he's struggling to connect with women.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 18, 2022
  12. Your advice here is good. Although I will say, as a woman, it's not as if we just walk around waiting for someone to pursue us and it just happens. I had to do all the same things you just talked about, too.

    It depends on what you're looking for, which is why I asked OP what he means when he says he wants to "find a girlfriend." For myself, personally, I was looking for a partner I could pursue the potential of marriage with. So just waiting around for a guy to fall in my lap was. certainly not going to work.

    There were guys, sure, although even when guys would flirt with me or hit on me constantly, many of them never asked me out. I've asked them out on multiple occasions, which I'm not sure I would necessarily recommend to women, because it can cause some issues depending on your situation. But that's a whole other subject.

    The point is, even going to a Christian university where I was surrounded with like minded people, I had an extremely hard time connecting with people. I'm very friendly, but I'm pretty introverted as well, and college was the first time in my life I started feeling extremely insecure about myself. Partially because I was a commuter and most everyone else lived on campus, so while I might have a friend from class that I felt like I saw often, they were always closer with a dozen other people, because they all lived together and I did not.

    So I did basically what you suggested. My current church was so tiny, and one I had been going to since childhood. There were literally only three men there who were even remotely close to dating age for me, one I already dated, one who was married, and one who just wouldn't have been compatible with me at all and was probably a bit too young.

    So I made the decision to go to a much bigger church that had a lot of people my age. It was one of the most out-of-my-comfort-zone things I've ever done in my life, to go to a brand new place with nobody I knew. They had some get togethers in the summer that were smaller (although still fairly large) gatherings of people my age, and deciding to go to one of those alone, not knowing anyone, being insecure and very introverted, was extremely difficult. I was giving myself a pep talk the whole drive there, and I kept wanting to just cave and invite a friend to come with me, but I told myself no, if you invite a friend then you'll just spend the whole night talking to them instead of meeting new people.

    So yeah, like you suggested, I made very intentional choices to put myself in a place with like minded people my age, so I could meet some men who might be good partners. And funnily enough, my husband ended up being the very first guy I met at that church, aside from the Pastor. We met at a nice older couple's house, who was hosting the barbecue, and a year later we were engaged and doing our pre-marital counseling with that couple in that very house.

    That's not to say it was all easy from the meeting to the marriage. He actually wasn't interested in me when we met, and was chasing someone else who wasn't interested in him. There were many hurdles to jump. But the point is, whether you're a man or a woman, it's not easy. You have to put yourself out there and force yourself to do things that are probably going to make you uncomfortable for a bit.

    I would just recommend that wherever you decide to go to meet people, make sure it's the kind of place the type of girl you're looking for would be at. It always makes me cringe to hear guys complaining that they haven't found their perfect, conservative housewife yet, and when you ask where they've been looking for her, they say at clubs. Lol well gee, no wonder you haven't found that woman yet. You're looking in the wrong place. So whatever it is you're looking for, be intentional about where you look.

    That's part of why I asked what you're looking for, OP, so I could maybe give you some suggestions of where to look. Your answer was pretty vague though, so I don't have very much to go off of.
     
  13. Giuseppe

    Giuseppe Fapstronaut

    232
    581
    93
    Other than your attitude, this might be the other big issue; your goal is way too vague. What is a normal relationship to you? What beliefs, likes, and dislikes are important to you? Being specific about these things can help you with getting direction on where to look for a woman who shares the same goals, etc.
     
    TakingTheSteps likes this.
  14. depeche69

    depeche69 Fapstronaut

    197
    333
    63
    The problem is, that you and other men just want the young, fresh, sexy and childless women.
    If you are honest and look around you, there are a lot of single women, which you don't want because they are old, fat or has children.
     
    jcl1990 likes this.
  15. ugotthis

    ugotthis Fapstronaut

    8
    24
    3
    Yep, I completely understand what you mean. And, I am not expecting the girl to come to me out of the blue. I live in a dormitory, and I approach girls sometime. But God damn it they are hard to get. If you are giving much attention then they back off, if you are giving too little attention they think you don't like them. If you are not talkative they think you are creepy. In my opinion girls are really sensitive and it is very easy to turn them off by just trying to do anything. So, that is why I am saying that the girls are so easily changing their opinion and doesn't seem to really care to get to know the guy well.

    I am sure there are things about me that are not in the best shape. Like depression and shyness, but I feel like girls are avoiding us for this reasons too much. And they all tend to like the same guy.
     
  16. ugotthis

    ugotthis Fapstronaut

    8
    24
    3
    I am not ignoring your opinion and your opinion doesn't mean that I should change mine into your opinion immediately. I said that I know what you are saying is true that girls ask online for help, but I said that generally from my observation in the real world, not online, it is very easy for girls generally to find a boyfriend. Hence, some of the girls, that I have seen, have many guys falling in love with them but instead of being with one of the guys that like her they try to get one guy that all the other girls also want. But for men it is approaching many girls at least to find somebody that you can date.
     
    Fantareality likes this.
  17. Bilkoman

    Bilkoman Fapstronaut

    10
    2
    3
    Yoire talking to THE KING of many GF's, dating partners, one night stands, milfs and all things relationship.

    WHAT EXACTLY (be detailed) are you asking, need help with and wanting to know.

    No to brag but I'm 34 and have been with over 40+ women in my life time. No proud of it (as I've grown older) but not bad either. I've LEARNED ALOT about women, myself, relationships and a bunch of things.
     
  18. ugotthis

    ugotthis Fapstronaut

    8
    24
    3
    I am looking for a soulmate who can understand me and with whom I can spend the rest of my life.

    That is interesting, so the guy that you married wasn't interested at you first?(I am just asking)

    I have had occasions in dormitory when the girls who were interested in me the most were the ones that I didn't care about much or were the ones that I didn't pay attention to.
     
  19. ugotthis

    ugotthis Fapstronaut

    8
    24
    3
    Honestly, I haven't dated much. I think you have to date for sometime to find exactly what you want in a relationship. But do now I am trying to attain the one that I wrote above.
     
  20. ugotthis

    ugotthis Fapstronaut

    8
    24
    3
    I am 23 there are not that many single mom's at my age. I want a decent girlfriend, meaning that I want a kind, caring( of herself as well), honest, loyal girlfriend. I would say I have this characteristics.
     
    BootstrapBill likes this.

Share This Page