The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 205

I was able to start the career! Thank you for your prayers! Now I just have to find a place to live in the city . Pray so God's will is done please!

 

Thanks for the prayer. Yeah I had another urge attack not long after I posted. So I jumped in the cold shower for several minutes, but the funny thing is that even though I came out shivering and shaking, I didn't actually feel cold, so I think I really was close to resetting.

Day 5

Thoughts and urges were more manageable today than yesterday, but it was still a fight, and I'm in a more agreeable mood today, thankfully it's my weekend, so I can rest off this flatline.

 

Day 10

 

Checking in day 105.

You were rising your self-worth trough the number of reps-weight same way like number of days here The sky the limit....or- the injury and sickness. And we can add the effect of endorphins on the brain to the equation with our often greedy thinking that the more the better.

What was your normal workout like?

 

Spot on.

 

Question to anyone that will know the answer:
Will doing meditation on a regular daily basis for an extended period of time, let's say twice a day for a month, without resolving the past (healing subconscious childhood wounds which probably lead to anxiety, low self-esteem ...) eventually heal that wound or will have a long-term positive effect? Or does the meditation has only the soothing / calming effect?

I mean someone told me that I should do meditation in this way and that I would be grateful to him? I'm a bit sceptical to meditation. But I'm not experienced and frankly speaking I don't really like it very much. Did anyone choose / tested this way of approaching nofap?

 

9 days.

Yesterday evening was a really close call, I was on the verge of a relapse. I couldn't sleep (I think I fell asleep at around 2.30 am) even though my body was exhausted, my mind was racing and I ended up fishing and even watching some p-subs on Youtube. I honestly don't know how I managed to steer away from a complete relapse, just pure mental willpower I guess. I think that watching p-subs is like a partial relapse but the "progress over perfection" motto motivates me to keep the counter and continue to accumulate days here. To my understanding, p-subs are technically allowed in this challenge even though it's clear that one shouldn't feed the addiction with such garbage.

Today, however, has been very calm. No fishing, no triggers online, and I feel much more peaceful and have less urges even though I'm very sleep deprived. Strange, but I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

 

The wound is only existing in your perception of self and meditation does change self perception in the long run. Very drastically. That is only if you want to now the truth. Meditation is a real equivalent of the 'Matrix's red pill'

But some people prefer to forget ever knowing the truth...

 

Now, @Slider8 you gave food for thought. So ignoring the incorrect perception repeatedly will heal it. It's similar to EMDR psychology. Gotta trust you on this one, Morpheus. It makes sense.

But the question lingers: Why do some people still relapse after really long streaks? Since I believe the urges come from the inner child. Perhaps those guys didn't practise meditation. They just had REALLY strong willpower and artificially blocked all the triggers in their homes.

 

Day 57

Being ill made me forget that I passed the bridge of Khazad Dûm yesterday, and I’ve had a lot of things line up in my life that have pointed me to move on in new strength.

I can only grow when I let go of the hold my old life has on me; I’m no longer a PMO-user, a naïve boyfriend, or a complacent worker. I must be ambitious, not power-hungry, and be willing to make hard decisions - many of the moments that have led me to realise this mean I have to turn over a new leaf tomorrow.

Feeling much better today, and excited to get back to work tomorrow in full health and strength!

 

Day 377

 

Day 36.

This week has been the toughest for me, and I feel like the next one will be equally challenging - specially in regard to picking up the slack. With what's going on in the world which kinda is so close to home... I've been feeling so unmotivated, and the urges to relapse are very strong, pretty much decided to give myself a break and doing the bare minimum (such as working).
University starts next week as well. I've been expecting a big challenge for a while now and I think this one is it. Whatever happens, regardless of achieving my weekly goals or not, I mustn't relapse but instead face the disappointment directly and be better. It will be hard, but it will be worth it, this is why I'm here for.

I hope everyone's safe, everyone's doing well.

 

Day 8 complete! Once more I join the ranks of the Uruk-Hai.

I'm going on a trip with some other seminarians to visit a local university for the next three days; our schedules will be full and I don't know if I'll have time to check in, but I certainly won't have time to relapse.

St. Francis Xavier, pray for us!

 

Day 0
I relapsed a lot in last month and even in feb. Now I must get serious about this challenge and complete my 90 day mark.

 

14 days, probably relapsing today.


@Don80 I agree with @Slider8 , meditation is watching yourself and therefore helping seeing the truth. While mediation (and Buddhism) turned my life around, and continues to do so, I still cannot overcome my porn addiction. But I fixed my video game addiction and my 4chan addiction and it did many other things for me.
The head of the Buddhist lineage I'm feeling part of says something like that we cannot weaken the devil on our left shoulder (which would be the limbic system in the brain) but meditation can strengthen the angel on our right shoulder (which would be the prefrontal cortex).

You say you don't like mediation very much, then you're doing it wrong. Find a way of meditation that you can enjoy. Maybe it helps if you don't see it simply as a tool to get somewhere but as a refreshing and joyful thing to do, without expectations.

 

Day 2.

Can you recommend any titles of self-help CBT books? General or addressing the anxiety issue. I need to gain some knowledge on this problem to help my daughter with Anger and Anxiety.

 

I also had this problem. Congrats. I didn't play many games - a "good" one was enough. When it was on my computer, it took me several hours in the morning and the 1-2 hours in the evening. Then I got angry and I uninstalled it and I didn't play it for a week. Then my brain told me to install it again. I thought I would do that and play with restraint. My brain even told that I could use it as replacement of PMO during my recovery. The result was playing the game for hours. Then I unistalled it. I don't game play game because my son is addicted to gaming and I'm worried that it might ruin his life. I used gaming as an ineffective way of mood regulation as well. But it was a fallacy.

Now I have more time that I could "waste" on other activities. But I don't feel compulsion to gaming - I'm more free. I don't feel like a game addict anymore. But the temptation to install it again pops up every now and again.

 

Dawn of the 22nd day.

 

Day 24...yesterday my mind was trying to tickle me up, as it was making me think bad about me...somewhat "GRIM", but i resurrected and turned my conscience into spiritual thoughts, so that i can feel beautiful about the existence of life in this universe...about everything that is uncertain, the only certainity that is "CHANGE" nothing remains same forever....only the change is...

 

Day 370 no PMO. I’m headed to church this morning to do my volunteer work. Hope you all have a great day!