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P.A.W.S. - what are they, cure, duration

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Fenix Rising, May 12, 2019.

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  1. Left the last flatline and have been in a reprieve period. Hit 2.5 years yesterday. Sadly, think I'm entering yet another flatline. Right when I start thinking that I'm on my way out.

    Yeah man. This shit is going to take at least 3 years. At least.

    Really cannot believe how much damage this addiction can do. I'm done trying to make sense of it. It's nothing more than inexplicable. And shitty as fuck.

    Sorry but not feeling too optimistic atm. Shit's just unreal.

    I experience a lot of symptoms Clapas mentioned.
     
    Freeddom_Taker and Dave G 123 like this.
  2. humbleone

    humbleone Fapstronaut

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    Lol no honestly, I took via(g)ra every time, and had to take ketamine daily to deal with the pain of PAWS

    Dont use me as an example of whats possible, im a complete nutjob
     
    Freeddom_Taker likes this.
  3. humbleone

    humbleone Fapstronaut

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    I used to sell porn on the bus when i was 12 years old, so masturbated daily since 12. Then when 19-20, 10 years of complete sexual debauchary, 500+ partners, plus daily or twice daily PMO. Cocaine and extended edging sessions are what broke me in the end tho
     
  4. 500+ ??? How???
     
  5. humbleone

    humbleone Fapstronaut

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    Just by having lots of sex, partying alot (every weekend fri-sat), and maybe 50-100 escorts out of that over the years
     
  6. Ohh ok
     
  7. Dave G 123

    Dave G 123 Fapstronaut

    Might I re-phrase this: You must be one good looking Mofo.
     
  8. Dave G 123

    Dave G 123 Fapstronaut

    Is that 2.5 years hardmode?
     
  9. Yes except for months 5-10ish, where I had sex fairly regularly. Don't think it affected me but who knows.

    At this point, this shit just get's boring as hell. I'm either in a state of boredom or anxiety/depression.

    Getting to the end will feel amazing after such a long "journey", but I think the returns start to diminish after a certain amount of months. I just want to move the fuck on man. Tired of posting on these forums, tired of searching out long-term success stories to reignite my optimism, tired of living in a state where I have to live my life in accordance to symptom patterns. For instance, I'm in a friend's wedding this weekend and I'm nervous as hell about the idea that I might have an intense flare-up during all of the scheduled events. A large, large part of me just wants to skip it. I've been stressed out this whole fucking month.

    Will say that it's easier for me to accomplish basic tasks like working out and checking off to-do list items, but yeah. I want to actually enjoy stuff.

    Another shitty thing is being treated like a lesser human when I am enduring flatlines. People, without realizing it, pick up on my lack of confidence, poor body language, and complete sterility. I love who I am, and have a strong presence when I'm feeling well, so I feel like I'm constantly getting shortchanged.

    Whatever. Fuck this noise man. Just so fucking tired of it. And angry. Another flatline is already here. That means months of shittiness. Goddamned sick of the loneliness and the isolation. And the lack of emotions. Fuckkkk I'm so god damned angry I could fucking scream.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 25, 2022
  10. Dave G 123

    Dave G 123 Fapstronaut

    I can relate to what you're experiencing. I regularly bail out of things because I just don't have the energy, or the clear-headedness to deal with them. I'm not sure how your experience might map on to my future, as and when I get far enough down the path.

    However, 2.5 years hardmode (not withstanding the S, which I think is OK) is pretty damn impressive.
     
  11. humbleone

    humbleone Fapstronaut

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    For me, sex is detrimental to my recovery 100%, so I would take your streak from your last sexual activity, might give you a better guess to where you are in recovery
     
  12. winningover

    winningover Fapstronaut

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    If i have orgasm through masturbation, it will give me some PAWS symptoms for a while definitely. But I noticed that I didn't get any symptoms if I have orgasm through wet dream or sex. Although I am not that active sexually. I orgasm like once per month through sex. But it doesn't take me back to PAWS. I am not sure what would be the consequences if I increase my sex. Another thing that i would like to add here is that thinking or imagining porn also takes me back to PAWS therefore I keep a strict watch on my thoughts for sure.
     
    Dave G 123 likes this.
  13. Ezpz

    Ezpz Fapstronaut

    Have you seen any improvements at all?

    At 16 months i definitely felt i was improving month by month
     
  14. For sure. I'd say clarity is the biggest. Vision, sense of time and date, memory. My digestion also seems to be better, though I'm still not all the way there.

    Ability to speak with strangers is also much, much better. Sometimes I'm still a mess, but I'd say that 50-60% of the time I can be somewhat engaged and even charming.

    Pain is still pain though, and 30 months is a fuckton of time to feel shitty. At this point I just want to be done with it all, small improvements don't really mean as much because PAWs is PAWs. I want to be connected to the world.
     
    Freeddom_Taker, Dave G 123 and Ezpz like this.
  15. Ezpz

    Ezpz Fapstronaut

    Thats nice man keep it up. You will get there.

    I have had paws for about 6 years so i know how you feel with being over it. Relapsing just resets paws every time for me.
     
    Freeddom_Taker and Dave G 123 like this.
  16. humbleone

    humbleone Fapstronaut

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    To clarify you have been monkmode for 18 months now?
     
  17. All day today I was in flatline but felt some stirring in my abdomen. Just a little while ago I was watching some TV after dinner and slightly dozing off when a raging erection came on out of nowhere.

    My balls and the head of my penis were ultra sensitive but at the same time there was a rather unpleasant pain in my lower abs and balls. It lasted about 10-15 minutes and subsided, thankfully I was able to control myself and not orgasm. I was clutching and biting my pillow trying to hold it in. Good God that was intense.

    Just over 29 months since I started with the first 20 being retention. There have been too many false starts to say I've completely conquered the flatline but my libido decided to emerge and it was ANGRY. I'm curious to see how the weekend is going to go.
     
  18. Dave G 123

    Dave G 123 Fapstronaut

    I'm sensing just a little bit of judgement here...
     
  19. humbleone

    humbleone Fapstronaut

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    I appreciate what your saying, but from what I understand, the husbands are willing in this, so their is no deceit. Its also beyond scope of thread the morality of his actions
     
    Dave G 123 likes this.
  20. Good news: I'm feeling emotions today. A lot of crying, especially when I listen to old music I used to love. I'm on the right track. This shit works. Still going to get roughed up, and will get down and negative, but this is a win.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 30, 2022

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