Over three years have passed since I started and my most recent relapse was two nights ago

berylliumwages · Apr 25, 2022

I started on 4/2/2019. My longest streak was 8/26/2021 - 11/13/2021. 79 days. Second place streak was about 60 days on my initial run that began spring 2019. I don't feel like NF has improved me. I feel worse, and my addiction feels worse. Despite at least two relatively modestly impressive streaks, the material has escalated and I have to wonder if it would have without NF. If you had told me on April 2nd, 2019 that I would still be relapsing over three years later, I doubt I would even have begun. I apologize for the down post, but this is how I feel.

Deleted Account · Apr 25, 2022

Nofap is just the practise of abstaining from porn and fapping. This means we have more time in our hands.
Also it means that for some people who use porn as a cover to not deal with their emotional trauma, have to deal directly with whatever it is they are running from.
This is not a pleasant ride and it takes alot of will/pain/sweat/tears to ride through.
In those long streaks did you keep busy and were you exercising. Did you eat healthy for the most part? Did you drink plenty of water? Did you sleep well? Do you smoke, drink and take drugs? Etc.

It sounds like there is more to the story than you are projecting. Either you continue to fap and watch porn or you stop it now. Those are the choices we have. Sooner or later if we choose to leave porn and deal with our problems face on, and try ways to make our reboot more fruitful then we will experience better days in the long run.

Ren-in-Black · Apr 25, 2022

berylliumwages said: ↑

If you had told me on April 2nd, 2019 that I would still be relapsing over three years later, I doubt I would even have begun. I apologize for the down post, but this is how I feel.
Click to expand...

Better to be honest and "down" and asking tough questions instead of sticking your head in the sand, IMO. Something led you here 3 years ago though, so it was probably still worthwhile. And the escalating material is not a moral issue, it's a brain chemistry issue. The brain will use whatever it can to get the dopamine and opiates.

Best of luck to you as you figure out what to do from here.

Rene75 · Apr 26, 2022

There is a theory that even when you quit your addiction, the escalation continues. When you where start using again, your will continue on the level as if you had not quit. It takes a short time after relapse to reach that escalated level and continue from there. I have seen that by myself and its also described by alcohol addiction.

berylliumwages · May 9, 2022

Deleted Account said: ↑

Nofap is just the practise of abstaining from porn and fapping. This means we have more time in our hands.
Also it means that for some people who use porn as a cover to not deal with their emotional trauma, have to deal directly with whatever it is they are running from.
This is not a pleasant ride and it takes alot of will/pain/sweat/tears to ride through.
In those long streaks did you keep busy and were you exercising. Did you eat healthy for the most part? Did you drink plenty of water? Did you sleep well? Do you smoke, drink and take drugs? Etc.

It sounds like there is more to the story than you are projecting. Either you continue to fap and watch porn or you stop it now. Those are the choices we have. Sooner or later if we choose to leave porn and deal with our problems face on, and try ways to make our reboot more fruitful then we will experience better days in the long run.
Click to expand...

Yes to eating healthy, water, sleeping well. Tentative yes to exercising. Compound lifts with light weight a few times a week at most. I've tried heavier and more frequent before and don't place the premium on it a lot of guys in this thing do. No to smoking and drugs. Yes to alcohol, but modest amounts. I'd be willing to try being a teetotaler if you strongly recommend it.
I am not sure how much is relevant to NoFap, but my background/story is a little more fleshed out here: https://www.reddit.com/r/PhD/comments/djrwrb/cornered/
I can at least report back I've had no relapses or desires to relapse since posting this thread. Something feels different about this streak. I can't exactly say I feel "better", but it feels easier, like I'm coasting on NF autopilot now. Maybe just venting my spleen in the original post helped. Thanks to all for reading and thanks especially for responding.

berylliumwages · May 22, 2022

Almost a month clean now. There has been no struggle or difficulty because I have felt no urges whatsoever. My mood is low, but at the same time I feel content, like I've accepted my lot in life. Is this a type of flatline? I don't recall ever feeling this before, even on streaks over twice as long.

berylliumwages · Jul 14, 2022

Reached a new personal record of 80 days on Tuesday, July 12th. This means every day will be a new record. But I rarely even think about it anymore.

Deleted Account · Jul 14, 2022

Rene75 said: ↑

There is a theory that even when you quit your addiction, the escalation continues. When you where start using again, your will continue on the level as if you had not quit. It takes a short time after relapse to reach that escalated level and continue from there. I have seen that by myself and its also described by alcohol addiction.
Click to expand...

This is true from what I've seen also. An alcoholic who goes back out takes a few days max to get to where it took them years to get to before. Same would be true for porn addiction I would think anyway. Porn has to be looked at like drugs or booze, the only safe level is none.

berylliumwages · Jun 13, 2023

I suddenly and unexpectedly relapsed on day 302 of my latest streak, after recently posting here that I didn't even harbor feelings of attraction anymore. Trying not to get too down because it was a record for me. But the amount of "bad luck" stuff happening to me and people treating me like shit (moreso than usual) since the relapse really makes me feel almost superstitious.

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Over three years have passed since I started and my most recent relapse was two nights ago

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