10 months of nofap reboot/ but not responsive to visual cues ?

I am only replying because nobody else did. It is probably not that helpful because I am a woman. But, man, you are 36! i think 36s year old can have an amazing erection , certainly good enough for both parties to have fun but it may be too much to be asking for an erection of 20 year old at 36. My husband is 40 by the way. I think the only time he gets erection without any touch is 1. In the morning; 2. When we fight… i think it turns him on. The rest is … cuddling where there is a bit of touch, kissing( lips not enough it has to be his neck). Apparently, seeing me walking out of bathroom after a shower is a turn on and he would feel it but not as to result in a full blown erection. That being said he is also an addict so I dont know how “ normal” is his situation but he has been off for about 2 months now, and our issue was delayed ejaculation.

 

@WorldTraveler32 Here's how it works for me. My body responds (without touch) when there is a possibility of sex with my wife. So if we are alone in the house and she leads me to the bedroom I will be "ready to go" without anything (touching/kissing) having happened yet.

This is maybe what is happening with you. I think your would be more likely to respond to visuals if were in the same room as your lady friend and you knew that sex was a strong possibility.

 

As an addict my response is similar.

 

Addiction that starts in tenaage brains is even more deadly, 20 years brother of rubbing yourself atleast once a day is not an understatement. I am sure you have done your best and in my view there are so many improvements that have come along, you can get active at least and can mantain an erection as well, forget about the visual cues, those will come later. Dont forget 20 years did a lot of desensitization to your original brain. First rebooting which you have done well and now sensitizing your brain about how to interprete visual cues..that is going to take some time. My advice is that dont give up, You will eventually get what you want. Withdrawal that energy being consumed by those thoughts and focus on how to continue being on the straight path. Every one is unique in their way, your journey probably will be a litttle bit longer but you will still reach your destination.

 

you're not 16 anymore. you and I (roughly same age) are not gonna get hard with a cool breeze anymore.

 

As far as my knowledge in this matter and from what I've gathered.

1. Erection on visual cues should be a normal thing even in later stages of life provided you're fit n healthy and free of ailments and other substance addiction.
It shows that we are functioning normally.

2. The difference between our teenage self vs 30s is that, we won't be getting those awkward raging boners just by thought or looking at a stranger.

3. But when the time comes. Even in 30s it should be Normal to rise to occasion on visual cues alone. And have solid erections which should sustain for a good time without touch.(some would be able to rise but unable to sustain for long due to PE caused by the addiction, thats another ailment to conquer)

4. If one is still unable to do it despite abstinence. Its nothing to worry, you jus need MORE time/years to retrain that part of the brain. Its years of training to artificial screens and touching yourself to get aroused and it can't be undone easily. But with abstinence and the more you engage with partners. The brain should adapt to its primal wiring.

Jus my theory. I could be totally wrong. But it makes sense to me.

 

Everyone has different goals… but being automatic is not the only benefit. From my perspective with my husband… the biggest improvement is quality of connection during sex… he is not just trying to get off or get me off so he could finish with porn but we are actually experiencing an intimate moment. The other one is being harder. My husband has definitely become more firm , not that i even think it was a problem before, and it is a big turn on for me and much more pleasurable. I am sure it is frustrating that you didn’t reach your goal yet but I just think you should think all of the other benefits and may be if you relax a bit it will eventually come on its own.

 

Does she know about your addiction? Your recovery efforts? Why is she sending you nudes? It is counterproductive to your recovery. And yes it is porn no matter what you think...even if it is your gf.

Just out of curiosity how is it you want it to just be automatic when she is nowhere nearby to service the erection? I mean isn't it crucial for her to be present for an erection for you both to capitalize on it? The point is you can't just "give it to her" as you say if she isn't there to "give it to her" right?

Good

Irrelevant

Where did you get that idea? Here? Try several years.

LOL quite a bit actually.

At your age I certainly hope so. Still haven't figure out why so many people who are jerking off day after day think testosterone is the problem but OK.

LOL I continue to ask this question every time I come here.

Then maybe you should question and reevaluate your motivation and purpose for coming here. If that is your motivation I would seriously consider thinking more about the big picture than getting an automatic erection.

 

If you want to learn "normal" go see a urologist. This site is not normal and not filled with doctors.

 

It's probably worth getting bloods done to see if hormones are all good, age could well be a factor. But in general, it's probably likely that you've become desensitised to visual stimuli due to years of whacking it to porn. It's perfectly conceivable that years of PMO forms pathways in the brain that will themselves take years to rewire. I'm not a neurologist but that seems a fairly safe guess to me.

 

Hormones? Age? He said he is 36 years old. How about he really quit instead of just pretending to quit and then see what happens?

Do whatever you want OP. The fact of the matter is that you haven't exactly been following a true regimen of recovery and now you're getting advice to check hormones etc. Go ahead but understand that when they come back completely normal don't be surprised. Understand that until you do what you need to do in recovery it's all a great big waste of everybody's time and money. Lot's of people's.

 

The male sex hormone drops off substantially from the early 30s onwards. Unfortunately, more and more men are suffering from hormonal problems from a relatively young age. If he were to go to a doctor, they'd be more likely to recommend a test for hormonal function than to recommend abstaining from masturbation. It won't hurt him at all to rule this out as a cause.

 

I agree it won’t hurt him, but it’s probably a huge waste of money. If after abstaining he still has problems, then go talk to a doctor. Of course a doctor will recommend testing, they literally have no clue that Ed/de can be caused by pmo. No clue. My husband is so much better in bed now, way harder than in his 30’s, way more sexual than in his 30’s. No more pied, no more de. Took about 4 months of abstaining before it started to work itself out. He’s 54, and gets a hard on immediately now. He too lied to himself, believed the Ed was age related, what a crock.

 

Thank you for eloquently stating what my response would have been. That is exactly what I was going to say in so many words. Exactly! Quit PMO, and then if you still have a problem, then go to the doctor. I work in the medical field. Hypogonadism is the underproduction of testosterone. Yes it is correct that men will have reductions in testosterone as they age. However it is also correct that such reductions are such that hypogonadism as a problem is extraordinarily rare. Testosterone reductions are still well within normal ranges for men unless they happen to have an injury or testicular cancer. The case and argument for this is just stupid.

 

I would agree with you but for the fact that he has done 10 months of NoFap and is still experiencing ED. You would expect to see performance improve rather than worsen, as it has done in his case. It won't hurt him at all to rule out physical causes whilst maintaining a NoFap streak.