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On Ch*stity Devices . . . and porn blockers

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by +TenPercent, Jun 16, 2022.

Are you in favor of using a chastity device to curb the M part of your (or your partners) addiction?

  1. Male / Addict - Yes. Or willing to if it would help my partner feel better.

    13 vote(s)
    27.1%
  2. Male / Addict - Nope. No way.

    29 vote(s)
    60.4%
  3. Female / SO - Yes. I can see how that would help and/or I would feel better if he wore one.

    2 vote(s)
    4.2%
  4. Female / SO - Nope. I disagree with this concept. See my comments in the thread.

    4 vote(s)
    8.3%
  1. Controversial subject, I know . . .

    There is much discussion on NoFap about porn blockers. Some people use them on their own to help themselves stay off porn. Others use this software to help rebuild trust in a relationship and it seems like many SO's are in favour of their SA partners using some type of porn blocker / accountability software.

    Now to the question of hardware . . . Chastity Devices. Won't stop a PA or SA from looking at porn, but it will stop them from masturbating and/or engaging in sexual activity with other people. This could help curb a masturbation addiction and give some assurance to the SO.

    Thoughts?

    I'd love to hear from men and women on this topic. Anyone currently using one? Who would be willing to give it a try if their partner was on board?


    My response - Yes. I would be willing to use a chastity device if my partner wished.

    Currently, I have gone nearly a year and a half without porn (watched one 5 minute video in that time) and have never used porn blocking software but I would be willing to if my partner insisted on it. Might even install such software myself if I fall back into the porn addiction. And, I have used a chastity device. I find it helps when craving to masturbate get really intense! So far it has been of my own volition. And I rarely wear it more than once a week. The darn thing can get really uncomfortable!! But . . . I would agree to wear one more often, and give my girlfriend the key, if she insisted on it.
     
  2. happenstance

    happenstance Fapstronaut

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    Our counselor while he did give us information on it wasn't exactly very enthusiastic about it. Essentially what he said about porn blockers and accountability software is that both are a bandaid placed over a severed artery. You'll continue to bleed to death because it isn't a fix. It doesn't address the problem. Only a symptom of it. You have to get to the root of the problem. I see a chastity device as one that does the same thing. If you want to try it go ahead and let us know how it works out for you. Personally I believe that it would be just another bandaid. Additionally I could imagine how the thought of wearing one would seem a bit subservient to a master for which she holds the reins. It could possibly be a prelude to sexual fantasy and I don't think that's such a good idea for anyone who is experiencing sex addiction. Just my thoughts on the matter for what that is worth.
     
  3. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

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    You've written enough comments for me to guess that you like the idea of being locked up, so being in a device would be like real life porn to you. Also, it solves nothing in the long run as you're not even white knuckling it, you're a step below.

    in other words, no it's not a solution.
     
  4. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    What is the root of the problem?
     
  5. happenstance

    happenstance Fapstronaut

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    It is an internal wound.
     
  6. Meshuga

    Meshuga Fapstronaut

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    Porn blockers can help with impulse. For me, fantasy is the problem and it’s not like I can use a mind blocker. I do have ideas to think about instead of erotic fantasy whenever they crop up, which is kind of a blocker, but not exactly.

    I’m with @Trobone . A physical device sounds less like a quitting aid or peace of mind thing, and more like fetish behavior. That’s completely different from software on your device, so it’s a soft “yes” on blockers and a hard “no” on “chastity” devices.

    It’s basically different for everyone. Somehow, S/P/a specific fetish comes to represent something else that fills a deep need. Your sexual development is hijacked, your brain gets confused and thinks of P as filling that need. You can’t really break your addiction until you disabuse yourself of the deception that P is meeting your need, and also figure out what that need is and get it met in a healthy, normal way.

    It’s like a combo of caffeine and sugar. You use it for energy. You think you need it and you sort of do, because if you simply quit you’ll be a human slug. You have to teach yourself about what sugar abuse does to your body, learn it’s not the only way, and replace it with greens, proteins, carbs, actual food.

    On one level, P gives you dopamine and you absolutely need dopamine. If you don’t replace the cheap, easy, excessive, on-demand dopamine from P with something like exercise or meditation or whatever makes you happy, you’re pretty much guaranteed to struggle and frequently fail. But it’s not just dopamine. There’s usually some kind of psychological dependence. PMO is self-soothing, self-medication, and you have to figure out for yourself what it’s medicating for.
     
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2022
    Varys96, Reverent, Sorgere and 2 others like this.
  7. I agree. It’s definitely a potential crutch. Always better if I man can simply not masturbate. But if this is his main struggle (as it is for me) - then one moment of weakness after weeks of good behavior can lead to a relapse. Then comes the chaser effect. And the temptation to get it out of one’s system.
    Using a chastity device has absolutely helped me get through some difficult times. So, for me, I can already say that it works. :cool:

    In the context of a relationship, I imagine that, like porn blockers, it has the added benefit of providing the SO with some assurance about their partners fidelity. That’s literally what chastity devices were designed for!

    As for the fetish - yes, I understand how the idea of chastity can be exciting for some. But, in practice, at least in my experience, once the chastity device is on, any such thrill is gone. In reality, the device is uncomfortable and cumbersome … and really effective. ;)
     
    Bobber likes this.
  8. onceaking

    onceaking Fapstronaut

    It's a no to both for me. Seems to me chastity devices are quite sexual and I know people who take part in cucking use them. So it's defendant no for me. Tried porn blockers but found them unhelpful. I think the key is to practise self-compassion, work out what your values are and then live out those values.
     
    kropo82 likes this.
  9. Long Range

    Long Range Fapstronaut

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    Wearing a chastity device is a terrible idea. +TenPercent should stop promoting his fetish on this site and join another site where it is welcome.
     
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2022
    rejected, nomo, OhWhenThe and 3 others like this.
  10. iamShinra

    iamShinra Fapstronaut

    Well Said!
     
    rejected likes this.
  11. 90 days without masturbating … if I can make it to tomorrow. And only looked at porn once since January 2021.

    Something’s working! :cool:
     
  12. onceaking

    onceaking Fapstronaut

    I don't get the sense he's promoting it, he's just trying to figure things out.
     
    +TenPercent and iamShinra like this.
  13. Thank you. Not trying to promote it (it’s helped me, but want to try other methods- fine with me). Just wanted to see how people felt about using one to give their partners some peace of mind.

    I certainly didn’t post here because I was looking for people to give me grief. :rolleyes:
     
    Bobber and onceaking like this.
  14. Orgasm addiction.
     
    ANewFocus likes this.
  15. MrPriest

    MrPriest Fapstronaut

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    External control vs Inner control

    Relying in external control, I don't see how it can conclude in real long term change, also is a horrible idea, such device, no man should ever wear it overnight.

    Why have trust and being vulnerable within an intimate relationship when you can use chastity belts ...
    That's a very flawed way of approaching trust issues.

    Being blunt, I think the only reason you didn't fail on those difficult times, was because of that restriction, in essence, what that tells me, if that yourself, without that, would have failed, therefore no actual personal improvement, just a way to cheat yourself and lie to yourself, don't ask for an easier way, a smaller load, ask for more self control, a stronger back to carry the weight....

    I mean no disrespect, but that's what it makes me think.
     
    iamShinra likes this.
  16. ShadyPerson

    ShadyPerson Fapstronaut

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    Idk seems like most people who'd come up with the idea of doing that do so because of having a related fetish. As such actually going through with it would be very counterproductive.

    If the person wouldn't have a fetish to it, wether it would help would probably depend on what the goal of the person in question is. If you're trying to build mental fortitude and a healthy relationship with your sexuality, I don't think it would help. If your only goal is just not to masturbate, well, that's taken care of by definition. In terms of addiction I'm not sure. On one hand you aren't reinforcing the old brain path of [feeling horny -> PMO] but on the other hand you aren't reinforcing the path of [feeling horny -> notice the feeling -> choose not to PMO -> let go of the horniness] either, because you don't really have the choice.

    Also I know this is nitpicky but seems weird that you'd make this so heavily gendered when there is also a decent amount of female addicts with male partners on this site. (And even - gasp - people with same sex partners.)
     
    freedom is coming likes this.
  17. I agree - it’s better if one has the strength and willpower to give up masturbation without using a chastity device. But I know I’m not that strong and, while I haven’t used my device for a couple of weeks, I know that I would never have made it this long without it (currently at 127 days without masturbation :cool:). Is there not strength in recognizing one’s limitations and looking for help?

    I made love, karezza style, with my girlfriend for over half an hour last night. In my experience, masturbation - even just an occasional wank - would have made that impossible. I am much happier with ZERO masturbation and feel good that I am doing what I need to do to save my sexual energy for my partner. :)

    As for the gendered / heteronormative bent to my post … I tried to create more options by including addict and SO in the survey and don’t mean to leave anyone out. Oddly enough, in the 21st century, it seems that there are more options for male chastity devices than female. If anyone wants to share their experience with methods to stop female masturbation, I know there are women who struggle with that too and I’m sure they’d appreciate some suggestions.
     
    Kn0wbie and (deleted member) like this.
  18. ShadyPerson

    ShadyPerson Fapstronaut

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    A very different type of strength that doesn't necessarily substitute the one I'm talking about. It's a bit like if I was telling you to go to the gym and you'd instead hire a strongman to do all the lifting in your life and ask if I think there's strength in you recognizing that you might not have the determination to go to the gym regularly. Like, yeah, sure, but I'd still rather you try to get your ass to the gym and take babysteps if you can't have the perfect routine from the get go. Using assets to protect yourself from the struggle makes you weaker, or at least prevents you from growing stronger.
     
  19. used19

    used19 Fapstronaut

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    No I would not. I understand addiction is hard. But if my husband has to wear something to have a shot at physically stopping himself from cheating on me, even just with porn, then we've moved to a place where there are no more chances for him to be with me. If he wanted it for himself, fine. But I could never feel safe if it came to that ever again.
     
  20. Thank you for sharing your perspective. It really helps me to see how important it is for you to feel trust again. I'm fortunate not to have a history of cheating and I've managed to stay away from porn for quite some time. I wish I had the same strength to resist masturbation! :confused:
    (most days I'm okay, but it's a real addiction for me and I can't afford to do it even once).
     

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