Accountability for All

Checkin'

 

Day 6 check in

 

Day 5 check-in

 

Checkin'.

 

Day 7 check in

 

Relapsed. I have to be more precautious while surfing internet even if its for productive purpose.

 

You got this everyone! I'd like to join this thread too. I'm a bit wary of having a specific individual or small group of people being my AP, so this thread is perfect for me where I am at right now.

I've kept track of whenever I look at porn since March this year. In the last 4 months, I looked at porn 21 times. I am very unhappy with that number. I used to look at porn 2 times a week, now it is down to one usually. Just relapsed today.

It is very difficult for me because I've unfortunately gotten myself to the point where if I am in front of a computer/device with any form of unfiltered internet access (at home) the idea of being able to access porn on that device triggers me. This is difficult because I don't want to add filters to my wife's devices/computer. I think I will ask her to change her password.

Anyway I know I should focus on changing my heart and willpower rather than forcing it out of my life because I don't have enough discipline, but this is what I think will work for me right now cause I'm not in a great place.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk, and I plan to be on here pretty often.

 

Day 6 check-in

 

Day 1

 

Checkin. The last couple of days were emotionally turnmoiling. I am going back to college and it hurts for many reasons. I relapsed frequently for every 5 days because I didn't want to face the reality of my life. And it is leading to this point that I am facing a forcible situation next week. There are mixed emotions in this equation and the idea of it makes me want to escape for every opportunity i get and relapse. Right now I am travelling so i couldn't come here to update sooner. I was watching Kieślowski's films while i was(and still traveling) traveling and most of his ideas are parallel realities of people lives. He follows this theme consistently throughout his films. Anyway this made me realise what my life could have been if i didn't touched p*** when I was a teen. I have asked this myself before but that was about a year ago before i got myself injured in the knee.

But this time the very idea of this parallel reality sounded frightening to me for some reason.
I think the reason is that how we deluded ourselves to such reality where everything is instantly gratifying or pleasantry. I am not sure.

 

Checking In, so far so good.

 

Checking in! Finished reading/listening to a book called Eat That Frog!!!

 

Checkin'

 

Relapsed starting fresh tomorrow ugh

 

Try to do something different including especially not being that person who has been relapsing...

 

Okay I wanted to say today I've seen that the way the porn stuff arises in my mind: images and feelings from porn..... they have a certain light attractiveness, sweetness....
I realize that this is a lie (it's one of the stupidest things in my life), I didn't already realize this stuff arises like it's something good and that's a lie....
the whole thing is a fucking lie to fuck me, betray me, trap me, ensnare me.... All false

 

Checkin'. Been busy last couple of days in shifting to a new place of living.

 

Checking in. Didn't make it today. Restarted counter

 

Day 1 check-in