Accountability for All

Relapsed again. Will be honest boredom took me to relapse. Haven't been able to stablize my life at hostel crisis. I do have an option shift to a friends pg who knows about my addiction but my parents already spent money on this hostel and which is causing a serious dilemma. I am really torn right now and there other factors that also needed to be check before this.
As for abstaining from porn, honestly i haven't put effort in such crisis which I should have done. Daily physical activities, meditation or motivation, self development, healthy diet, self talk or diary are some of the things that I should have done more. But I haven't done any of this. I can only blame myself despite my mind playing games with me. Maybe it's not but I haven't even put minimum effort at all. I need to take some action. I should just try small goals like 7 days. Then i can move on to bigger motivation. Starting from today

 

Are you the guy from cbr community? I may have mistaken for somebody else.

 

Checkin'.

 

Checking in. I had 3 wet dreams in those past 2 days, which means that my mind is not functioning very well and that the chaser effect is up my ass trying to fuck with me. I won`t fight the urges, I`ll just trust myself and use my coping skills.

 

Checking, I`m doing good. And I`m currently reading the book Treating pornoghrap* addiction - The essential tools for recovery. It`s not that good but it helps.

I`ll go study English with Avangers. So long.

 

Checkin'. Day 1. Did some meditation and journal writing to summarise my thoughts. Trying to have more self talk to abstain from any activity that is related to porn.

 

Yeah just hanging in there...
I'm saying because of complete non-stop mantra meditation all day long... it is helping the longer ( I go the more it's helping)...
Also I'm having a recollection that whenever I have any images Arising.... I say " that's not mine"...
And so helpful when I have a image of a woman it's just an image it's not real: as in she is not mine because she is not here in real flesh so she is not mine, I don't need to care about it or anything.... It can simply be dismissed...

 

I`m doing fine. I just finished the book Recovering from Por*ography addiction and it has some pretty important information.

And I have a new work out routine...

 

Ok gracias por tu ingles Señor...
Yo quiero mi espanol estar en un nivel de tu ingles... Ok en el futuro

Okay today I did some meditation and good reflection I'm reviewing my yellow book of all my errors for the last 3 years and it helps so much not to blame but just to see you this is how it shows up and it helps me stay way out of that sort of tricky Zone... my energy is growing and I think our Sexual Energy actually is to do things that are creative and magnificent and basically to create miracles...
So I'm using that energy to stay open and positive and open this space of possibility....

 

Checkin' Day 2. Had some shitty wet dream yesterday. Last relapse is still chasing me. Listened to an audiobook for self development today and did some journal writing.
PS: Today is Day 3. I had some motivational listening but not journal writing. I am not sure I gave much time towards my daily routine bc I was deep into my thoughts towards self realisation that kicks in when I listen some youtuber and for today it was it was Gary Wilson. So I didn't get too much time to do much self development. But I had some vague epiphany that made realize what I means to abstain from porn. I really need to drive my thoughts towards this more often.

 

Reset counter today. Been gone for quite a while, but I have decided to find an accountability partner and work out this problem. Hit me up if anyone want to start some daily accountibility with me (christian male 26)

 

Relapsed again ugh. I really need start doing more self whenever I am alone. The urges overwhelm my senses to be impulsive over and over . Having more affirmations really help.

 

Day 9
Shooting for day 10 wish me luck!!

 

Its super important to flee situations you know will tempt you to watch P. Dont sit alone with your phone and keep yourself busy with what makes sense to you. Willpower alone will not work.

 

Day 0
Another relapse.

 

Day 1
Tired.

 

Day 2 ..

 

Checkin'