100 Cold Approaches

@StoicContemplation you are overthinking. Sometimes it happens. But always try to remain simple, talking to a girl is not rocket science.

Also overthinking, creating rules and even scripts to talk to girls is a lazy simplistic way of seeing social interactions, which are always spontaneous, dinamic and unpredictable.

A girl can sense when you follow a script it doesn't work. I remember I used to write scripts of what to say to a girl when I was a little boy then I took a creativity writing course at the University. The teacher just told us: "write whatever is in your head"

And that is it. In terms of talking to girls always be spontaneous and say whatever is in your head at the spot.

And another important lesson I learned about talking to girls is

WHEN TALKING TO GIRLS DON'T THINK TOO MUCH.

Try to be funny and empathic, try to know her as a person because words are a reflection of you inner self they reflect who you are and why are you approaching her.

If you just see the girl as another hook up or another date or another cold approach number then that makes the interaction artificial and girls are 100 times more smart than us and know what you are up to. They see through our fakeness.

Be real and treat her with respect. Forget pua techniques, or following a script when talking to girls. You are just talking to another person.

 

For me I have never said to a girl that I like her, and I talk to her simply as another human who happens to cross paths with me. I'm more interested in knowing her as a person she already knows I want to sleep with her. Sex will happen.

For me I subconsciously try to make the girl chase me, to see me not so interested in sex. Then they become curious and they start to chase me, to seduce me. I become a challenge a mistery in a way.

I remember someone told me the only difference between rape and love is patience.

It's important not to mistake lust and emotions as who you are. Don't romanticize horniness or being emotional that is not your real you. Your real self is a strong confident man who doesn't care if the girl sleeps or not with you.

You are the prize.

 

I like Craig Fergusson advice on talking to girls. He used to have an interview show talking to the most stunning girls of the world.

He basically says he talks to all people with the same respect and attention. The male waitress at the restaurant or the hot supermodel he talks both the same way. That is it.

His interviews are quite cool and funny one can learn a thing or two from how he talks to girls. At the beginning of every interview he stars by breaking the script with the questions he has to ask to the girl and simply starts to talk spontaneously.

 

You put your finger on something really important. I'm around guys who are coaches in this field. And I can tell you that nobody has a real answer about dating. Everyone is trying to find answers but in the end, no one can find a universal answer that is applicable to everyone. Everyone is lost and trying to hold on to what they can.

And that's the real black hole for guys like you and me, with logical brains, needing guidance to progress. There is no tutorial. You can read any book, watch any video. When you meet a woman, it doesn't matter. It doesn’t change anything.

You didn't do anything wrong with this girl. You did what you thought was right at the time.
game is trying to make you perfect. And because of that you're getting away from who you are. Because approaching women in the street means paying attention to: being accepted by women. And if you are not accepted by women, you have to change who you are. You have to be better than you are now because it wasn't enough. Wich causes pain and I have to admit for a long time I suffered from this

This is not true. Women reject you because you don't accept yourself. It's the other way around. Because un your head you don’t accept to be loved with your stengthes and imperfections. Not because you are not good enough. And sometimes they reject you for no reason at all. Because that's how it has to be. We’re in the street, and sometimes we forget that.

It's been a while since I realized that I couldn't change some things about myself. So what choice do I have but to accept what I can't change.
Today I have relationships with women. I don't sleep with 10 women a year but I am happy, that's the most important thing.
The relationships I've had this year, I haven't done anything special. I've just been me.

I think that game has its level of positivity but also can be a source of suffering. Women are tough on the street, and you know that as well as I do.

Not thinking is impossible when you have a logical mind. It's not that simple. Of course in an ideal world you would like to have 0 doubts and live your life like that. But that's not the case.
But self-confidence isn't about not having any doubts, it's about living with your doubts. Having doubts but being aware if these doubts, and taking action despite all of that

 

Always, then what's the point?
Unless you just wanted to talk to her but if you are attracted to her and she looks open to talk go for the number.

What If you don't ever see her again? Never wait for another chance to ask for a number. It could be too late.

 

I wish to write here on day. I’m currently working on issues in therapy, which I hope will lead me to be able to see women as equal, and not as a figure to prove my worthiness and seeing sex as the ultimate indication of status & acceptance.

 

Unless she is a gold digger girls don't care about expensive dates. Just a coffee or an ice cream can be enough. You are the date you is the one she wants to know.

About a formula to ask for a number. There's no formula you just have to go for it.

Usually the first times asking for the number can be scary after a while it can get less scary because of practice.

Make out your mind too if you are just making excuses for not doing it then better not do it. Work with what you have.

 

Gym

I went back to the gym after 6 months of not going and talked to two girls. There were two more but I didn't speak to them. One I liked but she looked a bit crazy so I refrained, the other one gave me a bad vibe so I avoided her. Even do I know her from before.

I also did not flirt because the gym is a place I go frequently and people are quite aware when a man is flirting or simply talking to a girl we assume one is flirting even me thinks this way and if they see me flirting a lot then I win a reputation of being a ladies man.

So instead of just asking the number of every girl I see I will only ask the number of a girl I like a lot and gives me signs of being into me too.

It seems easy to approach to be honest, as I see it I simply put up an excuse to start a conversation and then I keep going and at the end I simply ask the girls number. I used to think when I was talking to a girl an excuse to ask her number but I see now there's no need you just ask the number after a little talk if she seems open to the conversation and gives signs of liking you.

Another good thing is I kept my strength and my weight. So happy about that.

One approach
The girl approaches me
She: are you here?
Talking about a machine
Me: yeah
Then she just leaves.
After I'm done with the machine I approach her
Me: are you going to use the machine?
She: yes
Me: how many plates?
She: five
Here I notice she has a decent energy, I noticed that before but also in the way she speaks she is attractive but I simply don't feel chemistry.
After a while I talk back to her
Me: it's been six months I don't train.
She: really!?
She acted surprised because I was lifting very heavy
She: why did you go that hard then?
Me: I don't know but it seems I still have my strength so that is good.
She : she looked at my body and was smiling and a bit surprised.

Then we saw each other again at the stretching, functional training room. I was dancing and stretching and she was jumping the rope.
That could have been a perfect opportunity to ask for her number because we are alone. But once again I don't want anything with her.

I've seen that when you are a bit popular at the gym or you seem friendly even if you lift heavy weights girls feel more attracted to you. I think very few people can outlift me at the gym. Not even guys that use steroids.

Even do not necessarily I say hi to a girl or start a conversation to be popular, I do it mostly to be friendly and respectful to people I see often or will see often. But only if they have good energy. Otherwise I just ignore people completely even if it's a coach, bad energy I won't tolerate unless is job related.

 

Don't tell her anything unless you are going to marry her or something. Otherwise it's just weak and stressing. I've been poor and also had money and I never over expent on girls. Even with money I had dates of seeing a girl at the park and not even buying her a soda is enough. It's your presence that matter.

Let's say you become boyfriends or more serious, maybe just tell her I'm studying for some months and I'm a little short of money. And don't over explain yourself. That is weak.

Do not reduce your worth or quality of a relationship or knowing someone becuase you are short of money. That is a mistake.

I had dates with only 30 dollars on my bank account, I've got laid and even went on dates with different girls on such low budget.

Also be smart, just invite her to a coffee or an ice cream, a juice. You are the 9ne who decides what to do. It's under your control. Not worry about it.

 

9/100

I approached a girl at the school campus. I walked by and saw her, then turned around and talked to her and said “hey this is my first day here, do you go to this school?”

She said she usually has classes on the other side of campus. We talked for about 15 seconds, and then she started looking at her book or phone again. I said “nice meeting you” and left. She wasn’t showing any signs of interest

 

Way to go man! This seemed to be a very natural way you start the convo... gauging the surroundings and talking about it. You know what would be good next time is for you to just continue to conversation and almost make it a mission to try to annoy her in a playful way. That would really put you out of your comfort zone but also be good for you in the long run as it would take pressure off expecting anything.

 

Very good approach man, natural.

And yes I still think social media are an incredible way to keep in touch with people, to showcase yourself and to express your personality. I wouldn't bet on snapchat but rather on instagram.

it's totally normal that you don't know what to say after taking her number. You still have performance anxiety and that stuff takes years to go away.

But a little tip that will help you is to make things as simple as possible. No long messages, no insecurities. You just say something like
"hey it's 'your name', it was nice meeting you, up for a drink next week?".
that's it. Simple, effective and to the point

 

There is no "how often", "how" etc. You do what you want. If you want to answer right away you answer right away and if you want to wait hours you do that too. You decide what is right for you.

However, there are some things you should not do. You should not talk to a woman to say.. nothing. Or to get to know her. It's a waste of her time and communicates the fact that you place too much importance on not "losing her". This means that she will subconsciously think that you can't live without her. and at this point you don't know her so it's worse.

Messages are just to see the girl again. No, you don't have to talk to her between the time you propose the date and the date. You have your own life and your life comes before what people think of you.
It doesn't mean being indifferent and not caring about people. You can show empathy when you need to. But you don't need this girl.
For example, I was supposed to see the girl I'm seeing tonight and she cancelled saying she had an allergy since yesterday. I told her "oh no!! bad news, get well ". But the rest of the week I don't talk to her because I have my life.
She sent me back a message saying that we would meet again when she is well.
Dating is just being normal. No dependence on others.

Send her a message proposing a place, date and time, be kind. But nothing unnecessary, nothing uncalibrated. You don't know her yet