Why do nice guys finish last ?:(

@WarriorSpirit , you are entitled to your opinion, but do not used porn based or sexually descriptive/triggering language here. I have edited your posts.

 

Here's the thing:

You are considering 'niceness' to be a problem, and that it's holding you back. It's not. 'Niceness' is a virtue. Keep it.

You don't need to become more of an asshole to get with women. You just need to become more confident in yourself. And if you add niceness to that confidence it's even better!

So work out how to be more self-confident, don't work out how to be less nice because that's a good trait you already have. In fact, that asshole guy probably needs to work out how to be more nice, because he sounds a bit rapey to me...

 

I.e. you could love yourself, be happy with yourself, be self-confident and go to a party and sit in a corner and not talk to anyone - and you would be attractive because that is who you are and you are fine with that. You don't need to become a loud-mouthed asshole just because some other loud-mouthed asshole pressured a girl into kissing him.

Basically, trying to be who you think they want you to be (whether that is a cocky asshole, a sporty guy, an 'alpha male' or, even, 'nice') is an inherently insecure position. Instead, work out what you want, what your prioirities are, and who you are. And then be that person and be happy with it.

 

My two cents: the woman that is now my wife told me a while ago that she first noticed me when, on a saturday afternoon out with friends, I told my mates I was not going to join them drinking/clubbing that night because I wanted to get up early the morning after, take my beloved mountain bike up the mountains and hit the trails instead.

That's all, It wasn't a staged move to impress anyone, it was just me thinking with my head and doing my thing, not just getting along and following the flow. By the way, I've always been rubbish at pulling girls in bars/clubs. I'm much better at mountain biking

Bottom line is: Be yourself, don't try to impress or show off. Confidence and a clear personality are attractive, and by the way, the process of building this personality is also part of what's needed to get out of porn addiction.... which is why we're here in the first place.

 

I think there's a massive misconception over nice guys finishing last, bad boys getting the good girls etc. The reason for this way of thinking is brought upon by film and tv and no doubt it has influenced a generation of young men that it's that or nothing.

But what I've learned is this: girls like guys who are seen as a CHALLENGE. A nice guy (if you want to call it that) is someone who is bland, replaceable, not exciting, is not a challenge. Doesn't stand out. Is on call to unload her baggage onto him.

Instead, be a good guy. Someone who stands for something in life. Who has goals, passions, beliefs, is active, doesn't take shit from anyone. Someone of a high case value. High self worth. Someone that isn't subservient or waits on hand on foot to a girl. Think how Milhouse is with Lisa in the Simpsons as a good example.

In short: be a good guy, not the nice guy.

Going back to the challenge thing though, the reason girls (not all, but a lot) like this is because there's an element of excitement in the chase. They want to feel like they're in a romantic novel or film and think that they can tame the man. See, women enter relationships if they feel that they can play their role in it, if that makes any sense. If there's a reason for getting in to begin with. I guess what I'm trying to say here is work on your personal development. Find what drives you and helps you become the very best version of yourself. As for the women, if you build a high self worth of your brand, as in YOU, you're in a strong position of bargaining power. You won't want to waste time with girls who are immature. Look at it as a business transaction in a sense: if she has nothing to offer you or vice versa, move on to the next girl. There are 7 billion people on this planet, you mean to tell me you're gonna get hung up on just one person?? No thanks. That was the old me, now I don't let it bother me.

One last point: don't worry so much about girls, she's waiting for you when you arrive there, trust me. I hope I don't come across as an embittered asshole here, but I'm learning things from what I've learnt. And the truth is, I'm STILL learning.

 

OP: There's a lot that could be said, but I'll be brief:
-- Women don't actually like to be mistreated, unless they have some sort of problem like Daddy issues. What attracts them to assholes is their confident swagger. You can do that too without mistreating anyone.
-- Refuse to tolerate Friend Zone situations. Don't court anyone like a girlfriend, or do any favors you wouldn't do for guy friends, unless she's actually your girlfriend. She's all the way in, or all the way out. And if you like someone, never EVER talk about her relationships with other dudes!
-- Work out. It'll get noticed.
-- You're the guy, so you'll have to take the initiative for moving things forward: making the initial approach, escalating, etc.
-- As for this particular girl you mention, it sounds like she is at least somewhat interested. Flirt back, and if that doesn't get results, a bit of playful teasing or sending mixed messages can work wonders. (They do this to us all the time, actually.)

Write to me if you have further questions.

 

I agree with few people here.

Stop being nice, being nice or sweet is not the way to get something in life.

Life is a competition, it's a fight, you must be wild and compete with other guys to get the girl.
Society rules is like the movie matrix, fake rules, nice guys are the horrible standart of society and are boring.
Bad boys or real guys don't obey to rules, they still wild, they obey to their needs and have the balls to take a girl.

A nice guy is asking for love, a real guy is taking without asking, fuck and then only get loved in return.
It's his reward.
Romantic guy don't fuck, they dreaming, make love letters, ask, beg to the girl he wish while the real guy attack her directly and dominate her. The real guy will fuck her and fuck many others, get loved by all of those girls while the romantic will always end up denied, jerking off alone during the fuckfest, sometimes after buying gifts or paying an expensive diner.

Bad boys or real guys looking for sex, and show it, that's why they fuck, they show their desire.
Nice guys look for love and sweet things and that is totally a feminine thing not manly at all, the girl feel it, she feel pity for him and give him a frienship, she use him for her self-confidence.
For love, go see your mom, she's the only one who will really love you.

That's why most of the nice guys don't get laid, they will get a wife for sure after 30' with a woman who had her fun with tons of guys, gave them the crazy sex and now married with the nice guy because she knows he's not enought a man to leave her. She will only give him a casual fuck when she agree because she's too tired and don't wanna look as a bitch in the eyes of her husband.

Truth is dirty, wake up. Winners take it all (and fuck all the girls, the hottest) . If you don't, you'll be like the losers who almost don't get any sex. They will be happy more confident, fuck even more, you'll be depressed, sad and end up fapping to the girl the others fuck. fapping= more depressed. It a vicious cycle.

 

There is nothing wrong with being nice, but you cant expect to get girls by just being nice to them. You have to act sexually if you want sex, girls respond to honesty - if a "bad boy" wants sex he doesnt hide it. Its a primal instinct, if a girl feels a boy is a pussy, he cant protect her, she is not interested in mating with him.

 

Honestly... I couldn't disagree more with your vision. You see women as "prey" and that is pretty sad. We're human beings interacting with each other, the hunter/prey vision is just wrong in my opinion, and it leads nowhere.

What is true is that "being nice" with the sole intent of getting laid is a totally wrong attitude as well, but that doesn't mean that going the other way around will turn you into an amazing chick magnet...

Peace & love.

 

Ever notice that whenever we have one of these threads a woman barges in telling OP to keep trying the same solution that didn't work the first time? They don't care if he gets his needs met, they just want him to stay desperate in case they need him for something. Is this who men are supposed to spend the rest of their lives with? The same people who tell us we're not entitled to anything act like we owe a debt to women, or that our very presence offends them. You get black lung from mining coal they don't care as long as they can update their tumblrs. But the moment you complain about it suddenly all the "Women who aren't like that" rush out of the woodwork because god help you if you criticize women for anything. Can't have the slaves becoming discontent with their lot in life.

Go ahead, ban me. Protect your goddesses delicate feelings so they can be "equal" and "have it all" some more. Let em keep trying to fill naive men's heads with garbage so they don't have to worry about what they're going to do when the party's over. It's the same in marriage, healthcare, the workforce, academia, and so on: extract all the resources and labor you can get out of those icky men and leave them to die in the street so there's more resources for the "real" people. And the men just go along with it because they've learned that's all they're good enough for.

 

As pray yes, in the sexual interaction, we still animals.
The sexual act is not rational. A lot of people forget that.
Hollywood loves stories are not the true, but it's nice to make some people sleep better.
Some people think it's natural to act like a nice guy but in fact this is totally acting, it's just follow sthe society codes and rules.
I don't say you must be someone bad, but in the goal to fuck, you better let express you wild behaviour, fight for it.
The others can go watch dirty dancing and go fap again because it's mostly what they will get.

 

I agree when you say Hollywood loves stories are fake.
Real life is different, ever wondered why love films always end when the "courtship" phase is over?

Again, I'm with you if you're saying that playing the part of the nice guy to get into someone's underwear is a foolish endeavour.

Said that, I'd like to repeat my point. You should be a nice, respectful and caring person, with it not being a means to an end...
And that does not mean being a boneless individual or "following the society"... You can be anything you want to be, as long as your self-expression does not damage other people, emotionally or physically of course. Think about a controversial artist/writer/musician... One can be totally outside society's standards, but still be respectful of other human beings.

I believe that being your true self is the only way to start meaningful relationship, even mainly sexual ones. I'm not talking about hollywood romance, but the real world.

If a guy is a totally "empty box", with no passion for anything, no interests, no culture.... Then it's hard to thing anyone would find him remotely interesting.
Maybe if he's a good looking gym freak he'll end up having plenty of one night stands, but there's no doubt on the long run things will change and a need for something different will arise..

 

Being confident is important. With success comes confidence. Until then, there's always method acting

Letting someone know you're into her early on is important. Give yourself enough time to break the ice in the conversation, of course, but don't (for instance) go on for weeks waiting for the perfect moment.

As for this once, I bet you didn't exactly sign up to be her BFF, right? Chances are she likes the validation she's getting from you, but you're not getting anything in return. So, it's time to take that away - start treating her like one of the guys. Anyway, by the time it gets to this stage, it's pretty hard to recover. You're better off not wasting your time; go find ten other women!

 

Why would anyone want the kind of girl that actually wants men to let her walk all over them? I'll take "shallow" and "superficial", thanks.