The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 435, feeling low in energy and will lately, I'll try to fix it with intermittent fasting and no sugar again. I think the problem here is dopamine addiction

 

Thanks for all your support guys.

Although, I was not regular in here previously, but was doing in interval of 2-3 days, it was for a valid reason, now, I am more damaged, my current journey is like a cliff, before I was on land, I was safe even when I fell, but this time, I fell when I was at edge of that cliff, I am in intense danger right now, life shaping exams are on the head, I have to change now. Therefore, I am taking an unwanting step, I need to leave this site guys, don't worry, I will come back within a month. I was analyzing my past victory in this war and found that I was avoiding myself to know on which streak I am, completely ignoring my progress, I ignored my struggle too, I was trying to act like a normal person's thinking. Now I am finding it logical and I think I need to repeat my past in order to remove this venom from my body, I will miss my supportive companions, but don't worry, I won't come back with the bad news, my next message in this challenge will definitely be my 30th day celebration, I promise, I pledge myself.
As it is my last message, to give a slight update, due to my current situation, I am thinking to withdraw my olympiad preparation and focus only on JEE and fill the damage as both are getting damaged and recovery is very slow. Thanks for supporting me guys. I will include this website in the blocker by tomorrow morning, wish you good luck in your worthy struggles.

 

2 days. Got laid off the other day. Taking a few days off before applying for jobs. Back on days. Managed to get an 8 hour sleep last night. Tomorrow I should be feeling awesome. Checked to see if I had reinstalled covenant eyes after last fall. I had not. Went to the p page. It never even phased me. I had no interest in the p. Saw an email later. Saw some pictures. Looked at them but was not interested. Had a moment the other day where I tried talking to God from my deepest self. I did. I found unimaginable peace. I found the place of peace and I can take myself back there. What a blessing. I am healing so much. There are things happening I can't describe. Memories and feelings about myself are being healed. I am coming to like myself. The me I hated was my thoughts about what my family thought about me. I thought they were better. It's not true. I am awesome. I had an awesome choir rehearsal last night. There were only a few of us. I could hear myself and was not lost in the choir. I have gotten so good. I am pleased. I am not gloating. I am just happy and kind of proud of myself. I have worked hard at my singing voice and it is nice to know it has paid off. I am not a loser like my family made me feel like. Praise God. Praise him for healing me and for my gift of music.

 

5 days
low urges yesterday.
Today I worked out and took a cold shower.
Keep strong my brothers

 

day 3

 

Day 19

I spent the day in an underground hovel. Drinking tea with Bilbo Baggins. We recounted the wondrous life of Frodo. Bilbo said he didn't feel it was worth it to take the ring just to live longer. It drained a part of his soul in the process.

I replied, seems like the elves are the only one's who have it good you know? Long life and no side effects. But who really knows? Maybe it's not so bad to be human in this life. At least I'm not a Dwarf. I just don't like the idea of being short hairy and stout after all this time being the opposite.

I stopped adventuring. I just sat in my Smial. Drinking and smoking with Bilbo. Telling stories and eating good food. Oh how we laughed. I'm a human that learned to live like a Hobbit. It's kind of nice really. Once you get used to it. The fact that nothing very dangerous or adventurous is going to happen anytime soon.

And what lovely pastries we can make ^_^ Laughs we can have. The gatherings with the neighbors. It's special in its' own Shire kind of way.

<3

 

Day 0 complete.

Ah, Fellowship. I'm sorry. All those urges from yesterday were never truly destroyed; they only went into hiding for a short while. After I ate lunch at a restaurant, they caught me by suprise in a public restroom. Large meals have been a slight trigger for me before, but that wasn't even the case today; my meal was a normal size. Anywa, I looked at something pornographic which I had once been curious about and relapsed quickly. A couple hours after that I was still feeling aroused and I did MO again, without porn that time.

It's been a really long time since I've fallen twice in one day. Not bingeing after my streaks was the one thing I always did very consistently which made me feel like I had good hope for recovery. Even now, several hours later, I can feel my body asking for PMO a third time, like the floodgates have opened and I removed a lot of progress from myself with this double fall. All those powerful urges I vanquished yesterday were building up like water behind a dam and today the dam broke; everything came spilling out at once.

@LLOYYD Yes, there used to be ranks for Nazgul, Orc, and Uruk-Hai, and one became a Hobbit at Day 15. Those ranks were removed because it was thought to be rather discouraging to begin as an evil creature, and it didn't make sense for the journey to destroy the Ring to only start once you were already 15 days into the challenge.

@Anew2019 I didn't know you like to sing! That's a hobby of mine as well; I sing in my seminary's choir.

St. Catherine of Siena, pray for us!

 

Day 38

A lot of temptation. It's getting tougher to keep going on, yet I must persist.

Feeling tired and lethargic lately. I think it's my diet. I keep eating these frozen pizza things and they aren't good for you. My foot is mildly injured, so I haven't been walking much lately either or working out. I keep taking baths for some reason and don't go out, just sit on the computer... I have gradually done a lot of house cleaning though, but I'm clearly not preforming that well.

Some of the suggestions that come up on Youtube tempt me. I must resist.

 

Unfortunately I just relapsed. I'm getting some really triggering youtube recommendations lately. Oh well, once in 38 days is pretty good. Now I gotta get back at it!

Could use some encouragement to not make this a binge.

 

Put the slip behind you, learn from what happened. One slip in 38 days is great going, and take the positives from that. You know the lie your addict is telling. You’ve slipped so you might as well binge. This is a lie your inner addict is telling you. Just smile back politely to your addict, tell him that he’s talking shit, that you are in control and your not going to binge as it will make you feel worse when it’s over. You can do it!!!

 

Day 21.
No doubt yesterday was hardest day. A lady from my past messages me out the blue. We’d hooked up a few times many years ago and continued to chat for a while, but not for over a year.
Anyway, she contacted me, was being very flirtatious, sent me pictures of new tattoos she had, asked me if I wanted to see any more or if I wanted to meet.
My heart was racing and my head pounding. I wasn’t rude to her and I asked how she was doing, but I kept it at that. old me would have got/sent pics and PMO, and then Probably gone on a binge looking for vids that looked like her.
This time I didn’t do anything and it stayed strong, but the fight took it out me. I was angry at everyone and everything. Even shouted at me dog!!!
what an idiot. Anyway I made it, I went to bed early and listened to a book. Had a good sleep and that helped. Managed to distract myself.

onwards……

 

That may be true

 

Day 0

I am still lost. I need to get back on my feet. It's hard to write after a fall, but I think that if had checked in yesterday, today it would have been easier. My plan first of all is to check in daily and think about my progress.

The fault of the recent fall is that I was tired and completely gave in to non productive resting. I should have made a plan and be prepared how will I rest.

 

Congrats! Not perfect, but who cares about perfect, it's only an ideal. You did great

 

15 days The Elven town of Rivendell greets your arrival. A Council of representants explains the path to Mordor in detail. You´re an Elf now.

Many resets lately. I pray that you guys may not give in to the chaser and quickly find the strength to stand up again and I pray that I may not slip as well. I'm heavily triggered and tomorrow I'm alone at home for several hours

 

Day 19 – Bree sends aid! Bill, a strong and kind pony, joins your quest by carrying rations and items.
Quest Aid – Bill, the pony

Pretty good overall including mood. I didn't get to hit the gym earlier so I have to wait until Sunday midnight over here where I live to go. This was an important for me for this journey. That is all I'm going to say.

From yesterday, I forgot to mention that I was looking for a movie scene from a movie that I was searching on Youtube by one of the movies from Tales From the Crypt. If you heard of it and there was a vampire movie associated with it after finding one of the scenes found from the movie I was looking for. It was one of videos recommended to me after I watched one of the scenes that I was looking for. I never heard of it and so I clicked on the video lo and behold I saw topless women vampires

See, I have no control over this. Any way, good thing I wasn't trigger as much but sometimes it can get to me.

No do not search for this movie!

All the best with your exams. Bye until next time little bro.

Oh I see, well I found at least two people with a Nazgul rank. And I was getting confused. Now it makes sense. To be honest, I don't mind if it was like that in the ranks because I did say on Day 2 on this current streak saying I didn't turn into a Nazgul lol. It makes sense to be a Nazgul because you fell into darkness controlled by the Dark Lord. Ah ok, it makes sense to start as a Hobbit in the beginning. I understand. Any way, you are one of the individuals on my last post here that I will advise later once my streak is up there. Keep strong and learn from your mistakes on your relapse as you go fellowship brother.

I never understood this but your situation feels as if you would turn to drugs or alcohol because of rejection. To me that is strange then again it is understandable but someone was about relapse because of rejection or failure from another challenge. And your not a loser. Keep going fellowship brother.

Also lastly, @Anew2019 says "It is futile to try and do this alone."
Again, well not many can do this alone. Unlike me I can. But for as reminder, others check in every day. I don't know what's in your head to those who say "I don't want to check in every day".
Just say Day "". You don't need to pour out many paragraphs to check in. What? Your too busy for your recovery to this PMO addiction?
Again it is highly recommended to check in every day. Other individuals are succeeding because of checking in every day. I probably will leave this alone if you won't listen. That's all.

Making my days count. Day by day.

My redemption is on it's way.

Hello Bill again aiding the Fellowship.
Keep on going Fellowship!

 

Day 16 no PMO. Still feeling good. College football today so should be a fun day. Good luck out there guys.

 

Check in day 12

 

Day 6 (or 0).

I MO'd today. However, I don't feel like relapsing. My primary goal is to abstain from P, which I did. I do however want to be strict with myself and consider this my last failure, before I reset my counter to zero.

I'd like to abstain from P forever, but I am not really sure what I have in mind for MO. I think I will challenge myself to withhold myself from MO for 30 days, and see how that impacts me.

 

Smash the all exams and obtain the high marks as you can. I wish you all the best. We hope your come back brother!