Accountability for All

Checking in

 

Truth!

 

Right now Main is
Bleach
Bleach movie 4

seasonal
Chainsaw man
My hero season 6
Mob psycho 100 season 3
The eminence in shadow
Blue lock
The witch from mercury
Spy family season 1 part 2

 

Checkin'. It's always better if someone likes my post. Then it gets easier to post here from notifications directly. So thanks guys

 

I appreciate that.
That sounds like an awesome weekend. By the way, how do you deal with triggers? Because animes are full of sexual stuff, not all of them but a lot of them. I`m asking that because I also want to watch a lot of animes to learn Japanese.

 

I love that

 

Checking in - I`m doing great, but yesterday the withdrawal symptoms kicked in hard.

 

Nice list. I like all the titles I recognize here. Esp bleach and spy fam

@higor pereira araujo it was just about exposure for me. First I drew and watched very clothed non sexual animes. Fought off those urges with whatever replacement behaviors helped me most. Then steadily increased intensity. Now I can watch anime with bare breasts no problem. It’s not my favorite genre I prefer shonen and shoujo atm but it’s no big deal to see anime boobs

it took some trial and error trying again, failing and backing off giving up and going forward once more till I got it. I drew anime and watched it for years before trying nofap so I was determined to keep that part of my life alive despite difficulties at the time with it on my streak . All about the exposure hierarchy and pushing through it one level at a time


Day 47

That Covid booster made me feel like I had a mild flu or something last night. I only slept six hours. Feeling beat. Gonna try to laze about then go back to sleep another couple hours.

I’m glad my partner didn’t stay overnight. I’m not ready for them to see me in that state where I’m struggling and suffering. I know we could handle it though. I just don’t want to yet. I was laying in bed squirming with discomfort at 1am .

good news is I’m feeling better. Bad news is I don’t know if I’ll be able to workout due to the soreness in my shoulder from the shot. That’s alright I got four days in this week. I can just walk till Monday and go for five days next week

I want to get super cut up. Air squats are my favorite legs exercise and I can do about sixty in a set. So I’m gonna try adding a 30lb weight vest on Tuesday just for one set of squats. I was too exhausted to work with the vest at first. So now I’m building up my exposure to it one step at a time

I’ve been do a three exercise ab circuit at the end of each workout. I’m too tired from the vaccine to flex and checkup on my muscles but I think it’s helping .

my gf wants to make healthy pizza, they’ve got whole wheat pizza crusts at giant so that’d be the bomb. We’ll do mushroom and olives for one and chicken with yellow onion and some bbq sauce for the other

sounds bomb. I’ll stir fry the onion while the two pizzas bake. Then put the bbq drizzle on and we’re good to go.

I literally feel like crap rn and am just gonna sit on the couch and watch stuff until I feel better to meditate.

maybe Kiss him not me, I honestly don’t even wanna talk to anyone till noon right now .


Take care my good friends

 

Day 0
Back to back relapse from friday to this morning.

 

Checking in

 

Day 2

 

Checkin'. Had extreme urges in the middle of the night when my blocker stopped working. Usually it doesn't have much impact on my non reactivity but the dopamine of loneliness was playing the role.I am still having urges this morning i hope i can overcome them.

 

That`s crazy, I didn`t think doing something like that was possible. Thanks a lot man.

 

Checking in - It`s been difficult to bounce back and get on track again. I`m experiencing tough withdrawal symptoms and mood swings.

 

You’re welcome . I wouldn’t push too hard be gentle with yourself

 

Day 48

omgosh I was up till one and then three thirty last night. So late for the zen to be up. Wish I could lay around and nap with babe but I’m gonna be looking to clock five hours training I mean studying today

Gonna sit in bed. Abut first

Hoo now I wish I brought my laptop

 

Got my laptop in bed with me now. it's 9am

Feeling pretty sleepy. I think the SR is going okay. I'm coming around to the notion that it's always better to take a break than to orgasm. I noticed I look kinda fatter this morning from eating pizza and drinking half a soda. Think I'll just get a Subway sandwich on the way to Jane's next time to avoid the fattening foods

Looking forward to just taking care of myself all day today and studying. I feel pretty recovered from the vaccine so that's good. Not exactly looking forward to next week, but I'm fortunate to only have four days work to get through before the weekend hits. That means I'll be getting up at 7am though work 930am-6pm and having to start Nidra at 1030pm. That's not a bad deal tbh. I'll have a solid 4.5 hours after I get off work to just chill out. So that's nice

C:

Yeah I'll probably be napping in a couple hours

Really wish my gf was here to nap with me. I left pizza in my trunk I was so tired wehn I got home . I don't even mind. Just less fat for me to deal with. I need to get some groceries today. Be clinging to the little money I have saved in my account. Can't wait for payday on the fifteenth. Can't wait to get my license and work for Juliet. That'll be awesome and I'll make much mor emoney and be treated a lot better. That'll be great C:

It's 9.5am. I'm on the call at 8pm. I want to head to bed no later than 920pm. that's about 12 hours from now till time to do other stuff. I need five hours of that time to be for studying. I also want to get groceries.

One hour nap allotment. One hour to get groceries. One hour to write on here. 15-30m to meditate. 1.5/30 x 2 = 3 hours study 1 hr break. 1/20 x 2 = 2 hour study 4 mins break. 5 hours study total 1 hour 40 mins break = 6 hours 40 m. 7 hours rounded up.

Will walk on a break or two

That's ten hours total. Including a nice 1.6 hours break time. With two hours to spare. IDK what I'll do the two spare hours. I just dream of the day when I pass this exam and I can just have a good 11 of those 12 hours to chill instead of just 4.

Wow, I'd go shop for clothes. I'd probably write in my fantasy novel. I'd do exposure therapy at some point with MMA and making new friends. I'd read Dharma and Bruce Lee's book and whatever book I could find on MMA. Watch youtube. I'd go to the Zen Buddhist temple nearby. -_-

I wish I could do all that now. But I can maybe pick the most tame one and do that given that exposure therapy often translates to Zen getting so-so sleep. And that translates to being tired at work which is no good for me. So I could shop for hoodies and a mma book online today that's probably about it. Maybe watch some patty vids. Or mma ones. Could look for a new mma teacher that I feel more comfortable with on youtube rather than trying to push through anxiety with the one I like but don't feel comfy with

good night

 

Day 0
I relapsed all weekend

 

Checking in - I had a slip the other day. Probably because of my withdrawal symptoms, easy access to porn, and the uncomfortable interaction I had with a girl.

Anyways - Does anyone know how to sleep less (to work harder) and still overcome porn?

 

My best advice: meditation leads to self control leads to semen retention leads to being able to sleep less and work harder

read zen mind beginners mind