35 and Older Accountability Group

Almost Day 20. Starting to get into some trouble with the urges, but holding on so far.

I read something a while ago about willpower... it has a finite supply. What you have, you need to deal out carefully.

As such, I'm going to go out and buy some fast food, even though I'm on a diet. This should make it easier to keep the streak going.

 

Remember you have goal, it is you who control your life, so don't let any stupid PMO to ruin your dreams, your goals. Keep going man! Hard days come and they go away, stay sturdy.

 

A big hug of love and gratitude goes to @artifact (my hero)!


“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

“Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'.”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

“Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

“In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

I succedded my 30 days, not because they were easy, but because I had my "why"!

I learned, and was inspired, and payed it forward by inspiring others, via collecting this forum wisdom in my journal. Learn and apply, learn and apply, learn and apply; I know this way, and it worked for me!

Writing this on the 30th day was one of my goals; to that I can say: CHECK

 

Thanks, yes that was very helpful.

I have noticed these mood swings in myself for a long time. A little like bipolar. Sometimes I'm just super energetic and mega productive and happy about everything. Other times I'm down and depressed, can't get anything done and everything looks bleak. I think the on-and-off porn watching adds to these mood swings.

The depressive periods are mostly the time when I relapse. But the good periods sometimes also ("I feel so good I can handle anything" type of thinking).

But this time I overcame my depressive period. And nothing bad happened. It was just a few days. Good experience to have under my belt.

And I keep reviewing my why and my goals everyday. I try to align my rational brain with my emotional brain and hopefully that will make me a more stable person with less conflicting motives.

 

I just want to congratulate you on your 152 days achieved, that's a run to be proud of. Don't feel too bad about it, that's 152 days when you were on the right path when you could have been on the wrong one Best of luck with the next one.

 

Still hanging in there despite strong urges!

Into day 17 of semen retention! My face has started to glow and the soul yearns to grow spiritually!

 

Indeed! You are not alone!

 

Not the first time what I consider to be plain speak has come off as something that needs deciphering. I could elaborate if you like, to whichever piece/s led to confusion.

I'm an aspiring scientist and long distance runner. I'd like to work towards being more emotionally stable.

I'm sure you have things, for starters you are breathing. Existence is the greatest of things. Presently I have no partner. I haven't dated in years, I'm not sure I know how to at this point. I think my mate value is at an all time low. Some days I think it's on the rise, others plummeting way beyond what I thought was the absolute baseline. When I'm at my best I will be gravitational, and the universe will make me glow. Towards consistency and iron will power.

"I got 99 problems and they all physics" to the tune of Kid Cudi's "Soundtrack to My Life".

Today I re-enrolled in the same exact courses I'm taking this semester.
"And I can't believe I have to bang my head against this wall again"
For one of the few times in my life I'm not confused as to how I ended up where I am.
"If there is no struggle there is no progress"
My efforts this semester were nearly nonexistent and laughable in a cruel joke on oneself way.
"Have you ever seen someone wasting away"

Do you guys considering encouraging girls to undress online and watching slavishly while they comply PORN? I feel my mind impressing my perverse thoughts on the innocent and sweet. I feel like I should have more regret than I do regarding. 12/1 reset my counter today.
"Gotta get you back to you"

I think I'll go for a long run shortly and start reading "Can't Hurt Me" for the third time tonight. I'd like to offer reassurances that nothing can stop me from either, but I feel my mind fighting me all day today.
Time to push with the muscle that's stronger than my body, and that's my mind!

 

Day 21. Checking in.
Workout streak - day 15.

I felt strong urges yesterday night. I was watching fb and some low trigger video appeared and even if I didn't watch it fully and turned my attention to another video , after some time I felt strong urges. But I threw away the mobile again and tried to sleep, tried to remember my goals, tried to remember my sufferings. Every reasoning went away but I know urges and brain tricks will hit back with 10 times more power. I need to be vigilant and prepared for that. This current day is good so far.

 

Well on reading your new entry, and getting back to the first; I sort of understood the sentiment! Your writing is peculiar but lucid; it's interesting.

Your goal is a reality that only awaits your commitment; no wonder such commitment at your aspirations is faltering as you took the "creative" powers of yours and just spilled them at the urges

I am sure you have the know-how of this (as a scientist), it's just the mind power that needs some working out; I wish you the best

 

Well my day is my favourite number!
So... Day 333! :-D
Again nothing special here. Once again i ll have one year journey without PMO.
After that is a real challenge for me. Two times i reached day 365 and i fell into porn.
Something, a voice, told me inside my head that it's ok after a year. Nothing will go wrong. Apparently that didn't happen. I have to fight for a month at least to get back...
Guys this is not another battle.
This is war. Never ends. Stay strong. Don't fall again! Never!
In the end only one will survive!
You or pornography!
PS: cause i have some problems delayed to check in and im probably off the group of 20!
If you want add me again. If not is ok. Thnx.

 

F**k, f**k, f**kity f**k!!!!!!!
Day 0

 

Thanks for the encouragement! Yes, another 30 days would have been nice, but I'm not too upset. Got a long time of doing this to practice many streaks long and short

 

Day 21. 3 weeks reached.

Urges are starting to fade, but am now entering the "screw it, just reset and have some fun, you can always start a new streak" phase of the current streak.

 

Sorry, but how does that help you? or us?
You started with lots of motivation, and now all you express is anger!
I hope you would be more thoughtful, and understand the spirit of how we can help each other and what this group is about..
Be the change you want to see, speak about it, and be constructive; please.

 

Day 22. Checking in.

 

Everyone falls over. If you have anger, then give up, it's bad. If you have anger, then start again, it's great. Better than being depressed and going into a long relapse funk.

I don't know how many monks are in the group... but I imagine it would take being one to lose a massive streak and not be angry with yourself.

Get back on the streak dude! No relapse, just start NoFap again asap. And this time aim for a minimum of your last streak.

 

I welcome your kind encouraging words.I didn't realize nearly all the quotes I responded to, since I was last on, were posted by you. In retrospect I nearly quoted another; the one with all the Viktor Frankl quotes. Have you read the book they were sourced from? A psychiatrist I respected and helped me suggested I read it. I have a lot of books to read as is. Maybe this new year when I make a recurring resolution (read more) I actually will. Sleepiness is commanding my attention, this recap must be abridged.