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Single Moms

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Deleted Account, Jan 9, 2023.

  1. I’ve noticed where I work there is a lot of mixed families nowadays. Children that have different last names than their parents. Wives and husbands have different last names. Wives don’t change their last names to their husbands anymore, or if they do, they put a hyphen in between, like Jones-Harris

    Idk if this split family, mixed family dynamic is healthy. There is also a lot of diagnosed anxiety and depression disorders nowadays. Idk if the split/mixed family thing is part of it…

    Just seems sad and unnecessary that the core family is split up so much nowadays. The marriage vow is not taken seriously enough… till death separate us ..
     
  2. nfpexperiment

    nfpexperiment Fapstronaut

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    Good that you take marriage seriously.
     
    Never Ending Streak and M_H like this.
  3. Welcome to the real world. This is the future where marriages are fewer than ever before. Those that do get married end up in a divorce sooner or later, irrespective of whether they have kids or not. And the kids that do grow up nowadays have single or no parents. Also to note is that those that do get married respect marriage a lot more than those that don't. And kids of the next generation, even though they are growing up with single or no parents are still absolutely intelligent, inquisitive and wiser than the previous generations.

    I am from India, and it's quite pleasing notion to see a lot of arranged marriages collapsing. Love marriages as they say in India (mostly against family wishes) are increasing. This helps society better integrate with one another than the previous generations of segregations. The more marriages in India collapse, the more the society will come to terms with the current world situation. Disruption is an excellent path that leads to progress. Social disruption leading to social innovation. Change is the only constant.

    Dudes who are so crazy about avoiding single moms, just a word of caution. Anyone you marry, there's an 80% chance that you will end up in a divorce. There is a possibility that you might end up as a single dad. And when you go out dating again, you will come accross women who will reject you just because you have a "baggage". Trust me, life will bite you back.

    For all the dudes who do end up marrying single moms, bravo. You are brave as you are generous. Because the moment you marry, you are exposing yourself to the danger of a divorce where the woman you loved is going to rip you apart financially. She will just take everything you worked so hard for. You may wonder why someone would wrong you even though you are a nice person. You did all the right things, and still end up disappointed. And knowing very well that you are putting your own life in danger, you put trust and tried to do the right thing. Bravo. We need more such brave souls in this world. And from people who do the right thing inspite of all the wrongs that can go against them, is what makes this world go round.

    Note for the original poster: You my friend, please don't date a single mom. If you do, your parents will give her hell, and they will give you hell for even dating her. Single parents already have a lot to deal with in this world. The last thing she wants is a judgemental boyfried and nosy in-laws. Please do her a favour and stay away from her.
     
  4. FormerLeatherneck

    FormerLeatherneck Fapstronaut

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    Single moms aren’t looking for love, they’re looking for help. Stay away.
     
  5. Not all of them. Most of them have jobs, and are quite well and happy to be by themselves. Some of them don't need men, but they want one. Just like most of us men don't need women in our lives, but it would be nice to have one.
    Single parents are challenging. If you are a single parent yourself, and if you are dating a single mom, then you will have so many things to share and laugh about.
     
  6. DeepRecovery

    DeepRecovery Fapstronaut

    Well since we're speaking in generalizations, (though I recognize the qualifications in the OP regarding age etc.) the truth is the majority of the population probably isn't up to the task of raising kid(s) well either alone or with another person, whether that's the persons own flesh and blood or someone elses. It's just going to be harder for people who are younger with less or no experience raising kids, and aside from that relatively low life experience in general.

    The thing is everyone has baggage, it's just a matter of how much and of what type. In the context of addiction recovery (which is probably not really something people just doing a day count "reboot" gamification knows about as they may have never set foot in any kind of actual meeting) there's the immediate behavioral manifestation like drinking, PMO or whatever, and then there's the deeper psychological roots - and that has more to do with baggage and knowing how to deal with it.

    So there's both how much baggage a person has and being able to deal with it. In this type of context the single mom may be unlikely to have that kind of psychological maturity the same as their potential partner, but it also depends on what kind of support or whether they are seriously working on themselves in a deep way. (as you might imagine from the previous paragraph, I don't consider the basic reboot process serious work - just opening a door if anything - regardless of cumulative day count) Traditionally people might also look at the other persons family, they may have a good support system - and that also isn't limited to the persons flesh and blood. People who are serious about recovery and connected with a community may have that as their "family" and that could potentially be better than the actual biological family of origin.

    As we know, plenty of people here who are single with no kids still struggle with this issue and generally in life so they're already having a hard time, but maybe they don't have much actual support outside of forum posts or even Zoom meetings. When so few people have an actual (not virtual) community to support them it is easy to rule that out as a factor when weighing everything, and of course as the parent(s) of the one with no children it's likely going to translate to a lot of work because they probably assume or have a sense that their kid is not ready to handle all of that. And regardless of knowing anything about the girl, they just don't want the work because it's basically framed in a transactional way.

    To get back to the level of recovery from the second paragraph, (if we're not in tldr land already) even people who have become sober from drugs and alcohol sometimes have baggage they haven't dealt with, and I have no reason to believe people who only 'reboot' and don't do any of the deeper psychological work in dealing with PMO will somehow magically have that disappear. Some people eventually find other programs that deal with the deeper stuff after a long time, though I have seen young people look into it pretty early on so it just depends.

    As a middle aged person who is starting to date a singler mother, but who are grown and have moved out it's different but not just in that I don't have to deal with raising the kids. I recognize being a single mother has made her a much more mature person at this point, even before she got into recovery. In comparison while I may have read about the psychology she actually has real life experience both in working on herself and raising her kids. And aside from the struggles I can tell by the comic one of her kids published and the IG that this is an amazing kid that I would be happy to have as a step daughter and just a really cool person to be friends with. But even if she still lived at home and there were those struggles, knowing a little bit about both of them and the positives the only question is is it worth it? But that's really a fundamentally self centered perspective because it's whether it's worth it for ME. When I look at "both sides" (as if there's ever only two) what I can contribute vs. what they need to make it, (which of course at this point they did maybe without significant help from other partners) maybe it's more like how much I can bring to the table. And with someone single maybe I have to bring less to the table because there are not as many people and less issues there, but of course there's also a question of my ability and not just the cost/benefit self centered perspective.
     
  7. FormerLeatherneck

    FormerLeatherneck Fapstronaut

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    No disrespect bro, but you can’t make me think there’s anything positive about dating single moms, but hey you do you good sir.
     
  8. Personally I wouldn't want a single mom either, mostly because I want to start a family of my own, lack of "experience" and life complications. But at the same time I don't think we should vilify the men who do choose to be with them. They are doing a job that we would rather not do.
     
  9. WriteMeow

    WriteMeow Fapstronaut

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    @OP Would you like being ghosted?

    Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

    Being aware of memes doesn't make one biblically literate. Ghosting someone is the epitome of disrespect.
     
  10. FormerLeatherneck

    FormerLeatherneck Fapstronaut

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    I'm not going to give guys an easy pass like that. Now if the Man has got serious issues like he's a Manlet who doesnt make much money and a single mother is the best he can get, then maybe, but most guys are just unnecessarily desperate and have a poor self image of their own actual value.
     
  11. I implore you to watch the 1993 film Nowhere To Run, you may develop a new perspective on this matter, yes, many events in this movie are Idealized, but still It is a good film and offer you a new perspective on this very issue.

    [​IMG]


    And Spoiler Alert: JCVD is a totall badass in this movie as he is in the vast majority of his movies.
     
  12. Legacy of Lost Soul

    Legacy of Lost Soul Fapstronaut

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    Whatever u want, u DONT ghost people. Read some articles about people who ghost others. Its not a nice read, because it says only bad things about pll who do so - aka YOU.
     
    Meshuga likes this.
  13. Legacy of Lost Soul

    Legacy of Lost Soul Fapstronaut

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    For me - single moms - bad idea.
     
    FormerLeatherneck likes this.
  14. How can I be ghosting anybody if I haven't been dating in the first place?
     
  15. Same goes for me as well.
     
  16. We need more movies like these, I'm adding it to my watch list!
     
  17. InappropriateUsername

    InappropriateUsername Fapstronaut

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    Wow. You just met her in a Walmart and now you’re going to settle down together and raise her kid??

    How about you go on a date? B/c you know who likes to go on dates? Single moms. You know who likes to have fun? Single moms. You know who likes knocking boots? Single moms.

    There’s this common misconception that all single moms are on the hunt for a Dad. And some are looking for a serious, long term thing that could go that way.

    But a lot of them just want to date and have fun and do adult shit outside of their parent role. Pretty presumptuous for you to assume you’d ever even make it as far as meeting her daughter, let alone “raising” her.

    Being a single mom today is different than in your parents generation, so while their intentions are good the advice is dated.

    How about you find out what she is looking for before you nail the door shut, broseph?
     
    FormerLeatherneck likes this.
  18. They say violent content, Movies Video games, are bad for us guys yet video games like Army of Two, and movies like Commando actually got me into exercising.
    [​IMG]

    Just looking at that those combat rigs is enough to make me want to do some lateral crawl pushups.
     
    Mr.Tony likes this.
  19. Yeah, you're right - these video games and movies are truely inspiring!
     
  20. Also call me a Fascist, but I absolutely love watching bad guys get wasted.
     

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