Is this God's punishment for my sins?

Sad to hear. You need to take big decisions from now. ( Sorry, bro. But, you are acting inhuman way)

 

My experiences are different than yours, I can’t say what your journey will look like. IMO I believe the some foundational tools for your healing will be 1. Time. 2. Real grown up relationships. I’m not taking sexual, I’m saying friends, mentors, etc. if you start dating someone take it slow, let the attraction take its time to build. And finally 3. You asked if this is God’s punishment for your sins, I’d recommend finding a good church, if you don’t have one, and spending time with God’s word in the scriptures. Christ carried the burden of and died for your sins, you (like all humans) need a savior to redeem you and he already has.
God bless you brother, stay strong. Don’t go through this on your own.

 

Remember sin isn't just about blame, there's a literal meaning of 'missing the mark' or off in your aim at the target. Now consider if people are off the mark about what sin is in the first place, and thinks everything is about being blamed for being bad instead of just mistaken, that might be the biggest mistake especially in the process of recovery.

 

I felt that way at one point, but the thing is that presumes you know. The phrase 'they know not what they do' takes into consideration ignorance regarding what we're doing right?

 

Yes my friend.

 

Humans sin, it’s what we do since the fall. Looks at how quickly we became depraved after the world was cleansed in the flood. We sin and we repent, Christ redeems us and uses us to show his glory. Look at Paul and how God turned him around and used him to his glory. Sometimes we got through awful things but God can use those things to prepare us for something.

 

Ok, bro. Lets come to the point. You know, Your mind is changed. You are 20, so 50% of your future already fixed. If you want to trick your mind to go back to Normal. You've to live a 200% Normal life. That means, live a moral life more than a normal people.

Focus on your current reality. Talk with real people gently. Try to understand their every spelling of the words and realize them. It means 100% focus. Dismiss your feeling, try value and feel others.

Anyway, Decisions I suggest you must do.
1. Stop using smartphone & Internet. Choose Alternatives when needed. Just give the phone to your mom and say you don't like using smartphone (does't matter if you like using it or not. Thats the reply if you to get improved)
2. No newspaper or Tv. Instead go to a street stall and listen to them. Whenver, find a poor, Talk with them and hear their story.
3. Time to boom your Sota or hentai whatever collection. Just destroy your personnel collection. Don't leave a single sign alive on earth about your sin. So that, even FBI cannot prove that you watched or did these wrongs. Bro, Just Destroy them! You will relived from getting caught.
4. Don't listen to music or mind-playing games. Just be a human as human were a few centuries ago.
4.5. Do Meditations.
5. More steps will be posted if you confirm above steps ..... (tired writing it!)

 

Sorry to hurt you. Your sayings are truth. And I confirm it. But, you should become a Christian Pro. You should accept the latest updates provided by God. Toward Jesus Path.

 

IMHO find a church that holds to strong doctrine and theology. I grew up lutheran but the churches I went to as a child didn’t hold to or teach doctrine and I ended up understanding the highlight reel but not the game. I went to non-denominational and it was the same, it was like going through the motions. Now I’m back at a Lutheran church that teacher the Lutheran confessions, I understand the ideas behind the questions you’re asking better and scripture than I ever did before. I’m biased toward Lutheran but any confessional tradition I think would benefit you (Catholic, Anglican, Lutheran, Presbyterian). The big thing is making sure the individual church you go to holds to and teaches their theology. It’s a start and if once you learn you go somewhere else so be it. I think this is the best way to get at the questions you’re asking.

 

If your problem isn't Gene (chromosome) related and medically well-established. Then, you can cure this. That's the typical nature of a human being.

5. As you post videos, I strongly suggest Skip using smartphone for two weeks. You will get new brilliant video ideas after that and I confirm it. After the weeks, Delete every apps and use it for just phone calls. (even youtube and calculator app, search google)
Then a few days later gradually install some useful apps. (Calculator app because Stop doing calculations on the phone. Instead, do those manually on your paper.
5.5. Quit Comics or maybe books too. Because, your imagination power is much higher and its corrupted. You must control it or there will be permanent and irreparable loss. Mind is You.
6. If you Confirm upper step ...... (tired again...)

 

Just want to clarify, my main point is just make sure it’s a good church that discusses theology. Any religion/denomination, etc has its individual good places and it’s less good/watered down places. I trust God will lead you where you need to be.