"No sex before marriage" group

Sexual "compatibility" is no guarantee for anything. Since we are so free to look around who is compatible with us, there are much less succesful marriages. Of course there are sexless mariages, but you can't say that they are all because they didn't knew they are "incompatible". I think this is a lie of our society today, that you need to look for someone that "fits" you the best. It is not the relationship which gets better of sex, but the sex life gets better in a good relationship.

Compatibility is essential in a relationship, but you can't degrade it only to sex life. You need to enjoy your partners personality, not only her/his body. The body will get boring after a while, if you don't belong together as persons, the relationship has no chance. This is also one point why it is important to not get sexualy engaged before mariage, to get the SO much better known. After having sex, you see an idealized version of your bf/gf. It's a braintrick, to stay with him/her, which is very important in mariage, but is very bad if you sleep with someone who will not be a good partner for you, because you may come to this realization simply too late... So I'm still convinced that it is much better to invest in knowing the other persons soul before mariage than her/his body.

PS. I've read the reports on those two links, but I can't say that they would have had a better marriage if they've slept with their bf before.

 

Wow. Two cents? Seems like dollars to me!
(I mean it's a really good post, I know I shouldn't take it literally)

 

I want to add to this point, and dig into Theology of the body for a moment:
It says that sex is language of the body, and in body language, is an expression of total commitment. It becomes a lie then, when we use it for self-pleasure, or even as an act of self-giving before we make a total and permanent commitment to the other person.
To make an honest expression of total commitment demands openness to the totality of the other person, which includes their capacity for parenthood - which means that contraception and abortion are also an abuse of sex, not to mention that abortion is the murder of a living being. Having sex and not being open to the natural results of the biological process in which you engaged is like telling someone you love them because it gives you a warm fuzzy feeling, rather than because it's true and you want them to know it, only much more serious than mere words.

On that point, my conclusion is that sex is not safe outside of a firm commitment between two willing and compatible persons. Marriage exists within human cultures precisely because of that, and not as an unjust restraint on individuals by society. In fact the Church recognizes two types of marriage - the natural human kind, and the sacramental kind. Marriage existed before Jesus came and elevated it to a Sacrament. He did so to give it a spiritual nature - that a good marriage could be a way to sanctity and to heavenly reward, as well as a natural human relationship that lasted a life time and called for such virtues as fidelity.
Many think the Church administers the sacrament to husband and wife, through the priest or deacon. That's not true - the Catechism actually states that the spouses administer the Sacrament to each other, and the priest/deacon actually only acts as a witness for the Church which is a spiritual authority, while a justice of the peace acts as a representative of the people and is a public authority. It says that the Sacrament conveys spiritual graces to persevere in the commitment. I have never found anywhere that the Church condemns non-sacramental marriages.

 

I'm not sure if I quite understand you here. Do you mean you think you shouldn't use condoms?

 

Not only that, but any other kind of contraception. Althouth natural family planning is accepted when there is a situation when it wouldn't be good to get a baby. It means, that the wife and the husband have sex during the time of the womans period, when she will most probably not get pregnant.

 

Hm, that's an interesting view, I don't think I've heard that before.

 

This is the teaching of the Catholic Church. It is well described in Theology of the Body, as mentioned by @Barnabas. How is it in other religions? I think Muslims have a similar view about sexuality, at least before mariage, like Christians do. How is if afterwards? What is Islams view about contraceptions and abortion?

 

It's easy to say that women must give birth all the time, since you're not a woman. Good for u

 

I think it's kinda cruel to the woman

 

What do you mean by that? Being happy that you were born a man?

 

i like your insights self giving, so you mean your really not giving at all, your giving to get so to speak.

 

You're right, it's not easy for the woman, but on the long term the man needs also more efforts to support and protect his family. I mean that the man is responsible for his family, for the simple fact that he is the man. It is clear that there are more difficulties in a big family, but on the long term I am still convinced that it is better to stay opened for life, as far as possible.

Families don't get much support in our performance-oriented society therefore if one plans to make a carrier, even marriage is a huge obstacle. It is still unfair, that if I plan to have a big family, I will never have such a financial background as someone who is succesful in his carrier and in the end he will of course have a much higher pension then me, which will be payed by my kids when the time comes. I mean unfair, that he takes advantage of my efforts the whole time. Still, without big families all the developed countries will be lost in a few hundred years. In Germany it is already a big problem that there are much less children than 20 years before. So it may be that those "anti-contraception fuckers" see the bigger picture, even if it is in the short term a pure nonsense... And this was only the financial part, socially it's a completely different story.

 

Abortion is murder and not allowed unless mother life is in danger. There are few exemption to the rule, contraception is allowed in Islam.

 

Quite an excellent quote I must say. As a Christian, I view this is where society is going wrong. No doubt, I will fumble around at first with a wife. She might even be more frustrated. But down the road, we become sexually compatible knowing how to please each other like never before.

 

Love that clip!!

 

But if you, like you said, only have sex during a woman's period, you won't be staying opened or life either, right? What's the difference between that and artificial contraception?

 

Yuk, blood is dirty and there is not easier way of picking up disease than via sex during the period. It is like sticking a D**k in the black pudding

 

I am not doing so well today, but I will just keep moving forward.

 

Idk if this thread is still relevant/alive, because I don't have time to read 5 pages of stuff. Lol but I thought I'd jump in here, since I might have a different perspective than some.

I am a Christian (Protestant, not catholic) and I made the decision to save sex for marriage. I've never regretted that, and at this point in life, I can say with the utmost certainty that I would very much regret it if I hadn't made this choice.

As far as the whole "not being compatible" thing... My personal opinion is that that's silly. Sex is sex, if you work together and communicate and put forth a little effort, you can find something that works for you. I also think it's important to note that not having sex with your partner before marriage doesn't mean you haven't talked about sex at all. Its obviously an important thing to know if your partner has some sort of big sexual secret or something that you should be aware of that might make you not compatible, but you don't have to have sex to figure that out. Communication is important.

I think I'm kind of in a different situation than some of you because I have made the choice to save sex for marriage, but now I'm married and have, therefore, had sex. Lol and I can tell you, no, everything was not super simple and perfectly compatible for me right away. We actually had a very long, stressful, and emotional journey to get to the point of being able to have "normal," good sex, but I still wouldn't go back and change things. I wouldn't go back in time and experiment sooner, without my husband, so our sex life could be easier and happen sooner, because his support was immensely important and valuable to me when dealing with all these problems and we grew a lot as a couple because of those trials.

My situation with my husband is pretty much living proof that if you're married and you love each other and you desire to consummate that love with sex, you can make it happen! It might not happen on the wedding night (definitely not the case for us), so you DO have to be realistic about your expectations if you're saving yourself for marriage. There can be a lot more to figure out then you might think. But! If you're committed to being together forever and divorce isn't an option in your hearts, then you have nothing but time.

 

Amen sista!