It's ok to be a virgin

Something I just wanted to say. If you're a virgin, there's nothing wrong with you! It is time our society STOP measuring manhood by the number of notches on your bedpost. There is so much more to being a man than that. In fact, all it means is that you are in a position to give someone something that is really special. I'm 27 and I am a virgin, and I am not ashamed! I spent years thinking there was something wrong with me. I felt that I was a loser because I couldn't get laid like so many other guys around me were doing. However, now I am just determined to find the right person for me. I want my first time to be as special as possible, so I no longer try to pick up women for one night stands. I recently got in shape so I've had opportunities, but I've walked away from them. I want to wait for the right girl to come along. I don't want my first time to be with someone who doesn't mean anything to me, nor I to her.

So stop feeling bad about yourself and accept your virginity as something that makes you unique! Don't let it make you feel like less of a person. You'll only gain more confidence in yourself as a result.

 

I see you're point. However, I used to be lonely. Loneliness in the form of wanting sexual companionship is a choice. You can choose to be happy as a single virgin. The happiness comes from being content. I am content to be alone. Alone does not have to equate loneliness. For now, I choose to be content and wait for the right person to come along. When she does, I will look her in the eye and tell her that she is the only person in this world with whom I want make love. I feel like under those circumstance, you can say "You're the only one for me," in its most pure form.

Singleness and virginity is not a disease. It's a season. Let that season shape you into the best person you can be. That will only make your future relationships more successful because you've shaken off unhealthy baggage.

 

This is just... Lovely. Supremely lovely. Like seriously, boys, take notes and listen to this sound advice, because it's freakin spot on.
Thank you for this!

 

Your feelings are completely normal. And unfortunately, no, having sex will not take away your sexual desires. I would argue that it actually intensifies them. Aside from being illegal, prostitution is damaging to both parties in so many ways, and I would definitely not advise that route.
Just stay strong, lean on the support you can find here, and take things one day, one moment at a time. It's so easy to get overwhelmed with this battle, but don't be discouraged by the trial of overcoming. It's tough, and we're all in the same boat fighting the same fight, but I truly believe that ever single tiny moment of resistance is a win and will make a difference. It'll all be worth it.

 

Hm... I'm not sure I understand what you mean, there. But I know there are a lot of great, supportive people here. I've only been here for like... a day, and I definitely felt heard, welcomed, and supported. I hope you feel the same today! Stay strong, brother.

 

I understand what you're saying. I've been there. I spent years yearning to be accepted by peers. I was lonely. I take back what I said about loneliness being a choice. It comes and it is a very real feeling, and you can't decide to not feel that way. I used to let it make me depressed, even to the point of suicidal ideation and planning out how I would do it if I ever worked up the "courage." However, you do have a choice for how you respond to loneliness. But you see, social anxiety comes from feeling like you need friends (and/or attention from the opposite sex) and feeling insecure about your perceived inability to say or do socially acceptable things. Thus, you feel anxious around other people. They see that you are anxious, and they then reject you. Happened to me over and over and over. However, if you come to accept yourself, your need for friends and social acceptance declines. You no longer need other people to accept you, to make feel as if you are a person of worth. As your need for attention and acceptance decreases, the more confident you become. And with confidence comes friends and increased social acceptance. If you are alone, then learn how to become comfortable with just yourself. EVERYTHING comes down to how you see you. If you don't like yourself, then make a list of the problems you can change, figure out how to change them, and change them! Because how you see you, is how other people see you. I spent the first 25 years of my life with zero friends, no dates, no girlfriends, overweight, and underachieving in school, convinced I would never go anywhere in my life. I then began working on my problems and I slowly began to like myself more and more.

With that being said, I am still socially awkward, but I am no longer have social anxiety. I have friends despite my social awkwardness. People just see me as quirky, and they like me for it! But because I don't come across as socially needy, they don't reject me. I get more attention from women as well, but I don't need it. I'm content to keep waiting for the right one to come along.

 

Exactly! I agree, that there nothing wrong with being a virgin. I never felt bad about being a virgin. I felt frustrated at times because I didn't have sexual experience. I don't want to just have sex, but with the right person.

- Blossom

 

"Sugar! Spice! And everything nice!"

Seriously my husband and I quote that on like a weekly basis. Love your avatar.

 

@Dev-abc I really feel no guilt or shame about being a virgin. When you said, "But hey - I'm not a virgin anymore!" that didn't resonate with me at all. I have no desire to lose it just to be able to say I'm not a virgin anymore. I feel no pressure to have sexual experiences just to have stories to share and brag about to my guy friends. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. I used to go around wanting to have sex with every attractive girl I saw, but that passed. I don't even worry if I find the right person or not. I would like to, but I am content being single for now, and what a relief it is to feel that way! The pressure is gone.

 

I figured that was the point of your post. But yeah, I am willing to wait for the right person, however, I do believe that there is more than one right person for everyone. I don't think there is just one person who right for us. I just think we have to find A right person, not THE right person. You know what I mean?