113 DAYS!! So Humbled! Gratitude to God and then the forum! Wonderful people!

Thanks SolidStance! As you are too my brother! I am humbled to stand with you and provide some small support to my fellow comrades! Stay strong! Win!

 

Thanks!! @TakingTheSteps ... Your story has been very uplifting and helpful to my own recovery. I am proud to stand by you united against PMO. Stay strong! I sense your best is yet to come...

 

Crossed over 50!! Gratitude to God and then my comrades here on the forum.
I wish for all my brothers and sisters the same and more. None of us will taste love until we love for our fellow brother or sister what we love for ourselves. We will never experience fulfillment until we give from that with which we love the most. That is what I appreciate so much from the members of this forum. Supporting and helping each other with no expectation of reward! Stay strong my fellow spartans! Win!

 

Almost 60 days now! I want to add another huge benefit:

-The opportunity to examine and scrutinize my life. This is an intense journey that causes us to really dig deep and extract gems from within. This may be the single biggest benefit. Also, this benefit, is not limited to the amount of days or a certain streak. It is available for anyone seeking their best version of themselves. I wish all to experience their best versions of themselves. Stay strong! Win!

 

Gratitude to God and then the amazing people on this forum! Very kind and sage words brother! I am humbled to play a small part in your recovery. It makes it all worth it! May you experience even bigger benefits! Thanks for the well wishes and encouragement! Stay strong! Win!

 

Thanks brother for the words of encouragement @Divine .... I wish you much success on your journey. Stay strong! Win!

 

Thanks for your kind words of encouragement! May we stand united to defeat PMO. I look forward to reading your success story soon. Stay strong! Win!

 

Gratitude to God that I can finally say that the longer I abstain from PMO, the easier it gets. This sounds so obvious, because it is! You have to put the time in! You have to feel the hurt! You have to feel the burn! Nothing of real worth in life comes without effort. The more benefit the more effort. It is maxim! It is the unavoidable reality.

To me, PMO isn't an option anymore. I will admit that I have recently seen some provocative stuff...I may have even lingered for a bit...However, I eventually turned away from it not fapping. Yes, I am affected as any man would be. My old paradigm was when I saw a provocative sight (real or pixilated), I would MO. This immediate paring conditioned me to MO anytime I was aroused. Over these past 66 days, I have not given my brain the intense reward of MOing if I saw something provocative intentionally or not. I am beginning to experience Pavlovian extinction: Pair a previously charged stimulus with no response (very little response) the behavior goes away.

Ex: Provocative sight/thought/image --> no PMO-->extended period of time (may vary person to person)--> reduced urge to PMO

This does not mean I am cured. The two biggest enemies to relapse is complacency and arrogance. I think I will always have a propensity to fall into PMO. Thus, I must always keep my guard up. My unhealthy brain circuity is getting weaker. However, if I were to engage in PMO, that circuitry does not need a long time to be up and running at full speed. I don't recommend anyone to intentionally practice Pavlovian extinction. The trigger may prove too strong and may lead to a relapse.

I believe it will continue to get easier as long as I don't pair trigger with MO. If that happens, I am right back in the cycle. This a very difficult battle. We will win or die trying and in both are honor! Stay strong! Win!

 

You are most welcome brother! What beautiful and uplifting encouragement! Nothing would make me happier than to have an army of soldiers like you to stand united against PMO. I look forward to read your success story in the near future. I am humbled to play a small part in your recovery. Stay strong my friend! Win!

 

Thank you for the beautiful words of encouragement! "But by grace we are able to "keep overcoming." Brilliant and wise beyond your years!... may all on this forum benefit from your sage advice. You are an inspiration! I love your journal/posts for they have helped me immensely on my journey. Members like you make this forum so badass!! United we stand by the grace of God to overcome PMO and be the best versions of ourselves. I wish you much success in your young brilliant career. Stay strong! Win!

 

Gratitude to God… My understanding of triggers is one of the most important reasons responsible for my recovery (70 days as of this post).

In achieving victory against PMO, we must understand the critical role of triggers.

What is a trigger?

A person, place, thing, thought, or idea that applies intense pressure to an addict that threatens a relapse (the proverbial gun to the head).

Triggers can be devilishly tricky for they may not be sexual! Actually any combination of events from a past memory can cause us to PMO. For example, seeing a certain older car (not sexual), can trigger you due to a past sexual experience in that car.

Triggers can be sexual and non-sexual, conscious and unconscious.

They can also be sounds (a certain song), sights, smells, tastes, or other sensations. Triggers can also be geographical locations. Triggers can linger for days and weeks.

They can generalize. If you were triggered at a particular Starbuck’s location, the sight of another random Starbuck’s can trigger you.

WE MUST IDENTIFY OUR UNIQUE TRIGGERS!

When we come between the trigger and the unwanted sexual behavior, we have a fighting chance to stop it. We must understand our personal triggers so we can remove the automation of the trigger. This gives us a chance to see them for what they are and ultimately gives us choice. If our response to the trigger is automatic, no chance!
WE MUST IDENTIFY OUR PHYSIOLOGY WHEN WE FIRST BECOME AROUSED

For me, my focus starts to narrow, I sense an energy flow from my heart/chest to below my waist. Catching it early, makes it far easier to control. However, each person has a unique experience when they are heading down the pathway to PMO. We must identify it as soon as possible!

Let us be Sherlock Holmes. We must constantly be curios and vigilant. When we relapse, we must meticulously note all the circumstances around that relapse like a scientist or a detective.

My advice regarding triggers is as follows:

1st: notice the trigger

2nd: Talk with yourself, what is going on here? Why am I feeling these sensations? Get curious. Take some deep breaths. With each breath, think of something that you
are grateful for. Disrupt the sexual energy or at least minimize it, giving you a chance to succeed. Take a few moments to really feel what you are going through.

3rd: Say “I have a choice!” There will be resistance also known as withdrawal.
Challenge the trigger, dialogue with it, understand it deeply.

4th: Demonstrate to yourself that you can be successful. Remind yourself about your previous successful streaks. Celebrate the success!

5th: Realize that most triggers are fantasies that are not real and have no chance of being real. Humanize the trigger!

We may have varying levels of success until finally we are able to breakthrough. To notice the trigger is the first success. To battle the trigger is a second success, to delay acting out is a third success. To finally, say this is crazy, this does not allow me to be my best self, etc. is the final stage of success.

It is important to realize that avoidance of triggers is not exactly the goal. We must see them for what they are. However, I don’t advise you to actively seek a trigger.

YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE!

Stay strong! Win!

Post was inspired by George Collins in his wonderful book, Breaking the Cycle.

 

What seems to be a common thread among the people that have found success is a particular mindset:

"I DON'T SEE PMO AS AN OPTION."
"I DON'T PMO."
"I ENGAGE IN OTHER ACTIVITIES INSTEAD OF PMO."
"PMO IS NO LONGER AS APPEALING AS IT ONCE WAS."

For me, I have to agree. I just don't identify with it anymore. If I get triggered, the thoughts still go through my head, but the compulsion to PMO has really weakened. This in no way implies that I am cured and I don't have to ever worry about it. It just means that as long as I don't reward myself with MOing after seeing a provocative image or fantasizing the compulsion will continue to weaken. If I don't MO, P is not really a problem. It is not like I watch P for the gripping story and stellar acting! P was only really for MO.

I personally believe M is the gateway drug to all of this mess. For me, avoiding M = victory (God willing).
Stay strong! Win!

 

There is no success, except the success granted by God. That success is dependent on our tiny efforts. We have to make the efforts. Usually they are small, but the reciprocal help from God is ginormous! Stay strong! Win!